Fighting to Breathe (Shooting Stars 1)

“Fuck no. Wear normal socks.”

“Oh, my God, give them back now.”

“You’re not wearing the damn things, so get over it,” he snaps.

“You can’t tell me what to wear!” I practically shriek.

“Just did.” He says stepping away from me.

“Austin, so help me, God.” I lean my head back in frustration. “Give them back right this second or I’m going to kick your ass.”

“Try it, babe, and I’m spanking you,” he growls, leaning toward me.

“You did not just threaten to spank me.”

“Did, and will.” He crosses his arms over his bare chest and my socks dangle out of one hand.

“Please give me my socks.” I try a different tactic, hoping my softer tone will make him see how stupid this is.

“No.”

“Fine.” I shrug, go to my drawer, and find another pair in a different color. I think I’m in the clear, when his hand snatches them away from me, adding them to the other two he already has.

“Why are you being so ridiculous?”

“I already told you; the dick is out there.”

“So what does he have to do with you holding my socks hostage?”

“I walked into the room and the first thing I thought was I want you in those socks and nothing else, with your long legs wrapped around my waist as I fuck you,” he snarls.

My breath comes out in a sudden whoosh as the image of me underneath him, my legs around his hips, his face close to mine, our bodies in sync and sweaty fills my head. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” He shoves the socks back in the drawer and slams it shut then picks up his shirt off the floor, pulling it on over his head. I watch this, still stunned by what he just said. I know he told me he kissed me back, and I know something is changing, but admitting to wanting me isn’t something I planned on hearing from him ever again.

“What’s going on?” I ask, not even sure if the words are loud enough to be heard. His eyes scan my face and he takes a step toward me, ducking his head to the side, causing his lips to brush my ear as he murmurs, “Something beautiful, Little Lamb,” before he steps back, presses his mouth to mine in the lightest of touches, opens the door, and walks out of the room, leaving me fighting to breathe. But for once, it doesn’t hurt.

It takes me a few minutes to build up the courage to leave the room, but when I do, I walk into the kitchen, seeing something I never, ever thought I would. Austin is pouring himself a cup of coffee in his jeans, t-shirt, and bare feet, and Ken is standing with his back to the counter, leaning on it, with a cup of coffee in his hand, wearing much the same as Austin. Looking between the two of them I want to turn around and leave the small space before either of them can notice me.

“You want coffee, baby?” Austin asks, and I look from him to Ken when I see his body go tight out of the corner of my eye. Turning my head our gazes connects, causing my insides to twist with unease. I don’t love him anymore. I honestly don’t even like him much as a person, but I did love him once. Maybe not with everything in me, but a part of me loved him enough to spend the rest of my life with him. But if I’m honest with myself, if things hadn’t happened the way they had, if he had been faithful to me I don’t know where we would be.

I feel my nails dig into my palms, almost like I’m trying to grasp onto the feeling I had minutes ago. Those few minutes of happiness I had with Austin are being washed away by the look in Ken’s eyes. A warm palm touches my cheek, curving up and around my ear. I lift my eyes to meet Austin’s blue ones and my eyes slide closed as I exhale a breath, not fully understanding how one look, one small touch from him, can make everything else fade to nothingness.

“Can I talk to you, Lea?” Ken asks, and my eyes squeeze shut before opening once more, but instead of seeing Ken, I see Austin, his concerned eyes searching my face.

“Please?” Ken asks impatiently.

“We have nothing to talk about. I spoke with Tom, and I’m filing a petition with the court.”

“I don’t want to talk about that. I’ll sign the goddamn papers.”

“Watch it,” Austin growls.

“Can I talk to my goddamn wife?” Ken roars, and Austin is standing in front of him before I can even blink, their bodies chest-to-chest.

“Do not raise your voice to her. She owes you fucking nothing.”

Ken’s chest puffs up, but then his shoulders slump and his fingers squeeze the bridge of his nose. “I just want to talk to her.”

I put my hand on Austin’s back, feeling his muscles contract and release from my touch. “It’s okay,” I tell him softly.

“I’m not leaving you in here with him alone. If he wants to talk, he can do that with me standing here, or not at all.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“No,” he says firmly, and Ken’s coffee cup crashes down on the counter, causing coffee to slosh all over it.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Ken growls, locking his gaze with mine. “I’m sorry I was never enough. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder. I’m sorry your mom died, and really fucking sorry I had an affair.”

My heart starts to pound hard, causing a whoosh, whoosh, whoosh sound to fill my ears as he continues, “I’m so fucking sorry, Lea, and I know it doesn’t change anything, but you have to know that if I could go back in time, I would have done things differently.”

Then his eyes go between Austin and me, and tribulation fills his features. “But it wouldn’t matter, would it? This is where you’re supposed to be.”

With those parting words, he leaves the kitchen, and a few seconds later, the front door opens and slams shut causing me to flinch as the harsh sound vibrates through the house. Closing my eyes arms wrap around me, holding me tight, sheltering me. I don’t know how long we stay like that, but eventually, Austin lets me go, moving back to the coffee pot, pouring a cup, and handing it to me.

“Talk to me.” He leans back against the counter, lifting his mug to his mouth, taking a drink. Though his pose is casual, his eyes are assessing. I can see him trying to read what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling only I don’t even understand what’s going on inside of me.

“I don’t know if this is something I should be talking to you about.”

“I know you were married to him, Lea. I know you loved him and fucked him. I don’t think you can tell me anything that’s gonna shock me.”

“Okay then, I don’t want to talk to you about it.”

“Talk to me,” he repeats.

“I don’t remember you being so bossy or annoying,” I grumble, taking a drink of coffee.

“Fifteen years ago, I wasn’t paying attention, and you got away from me. I wasn’t listening when you asked me if I ever wanted to leave this place, if I ever thought of doing something else with my life besides fishing. I’m not letting that happen again, Lea,

” he says softly. Even as delicately as the words are spoken, they slowly cut me open, exposing old wounds, making me feel raw and vulnerable as I stand there before him.

My nose stings and I fight back tears, still managing to ask, “What’s happening between us? One minute, you tell me you hate me, then I kiss you and you storm off. And then…then, this morning…” I let the last part hang as I lower my eyes so that he can’t see my face turn red like I’m a back to being a teenager instead of a grown woman.

“I told you already that I don’t hate you.” His fingers under my chin bring my head up so our eyes meet. “I never have. Yes, the kiss took me by surprise. Your mom just passed away, and I don’t want you to use what has been building between us as a way to escape from the pain of losing her, but then regret it when you go back into your head again. As for you and me,” his face goes soft and his voice drops an octave, “we’re inevitable, Lea, and I know you feel it too. I’m drawn to you in a way that even if fifty years passed, I would still crave you on a primal level.”

“I…” Words get lodged in my throat as I look at him. I know he’s right; so much has changed, while at the same time, whatever we had so many years ago is still alive, like a living, breathing thing. It had changed with time, but is still familiar.

“Talk to me, baby,” he says again.

I take a step back and lean on the counter, taking a sip of coffee while getting my thoughts in order.

“I know it’s stupid, but I feel guilty. When I confronted him about his affair, he never apologized. He made me feel like I forced him into a relationship with someone else.” I can still feel his words like a smack in the face as he shouted them at me in our kitchen the day I saw a text between him and Courtney that was more than just business. “‘You don’t love me, so I found someone who does.’ That’s what he told me, when I asked him why.”

“Can I ask you something?” I nod, giving him permission. “If this whole situation played out the same way, with your mom needing you home, but you were still married to him, would you come to me?”