“He’s doing this for the greater good.”
“You’re doing this for the greater good. He is doing it to avenge his father. I’m not going to say that isn’t noble too, but it isn’t as selfless as your motivations.”
That was honestly… fair. Even if I didn’t like to think that about someone I had believed to be motivated in a similar way I was.
“I feel bad for him.”
“Of course you do. And I think anyone would. But feeling for him doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice yourself for him or his cause either. You’re just as important as he is, Gem.”
“I will give you his information, but just… be easy with him. He comes across as angry and strong, but he is fragile underneath it all.”
“He’s clearly cracking a bit. And, don’t worry, it isn’t my plan to try to break him down. I just want him to understand that you are done. That he is done using you. You did everything you could. If that is not enough, then he needs to find someone else. Or, honestly, just pass the information on, and let it drop. I don’t like the idea of him roping anyone else into this mission. Someone who isn’t lucky enough to have connections like you do. Someone who is much more likely to be killed in the process.”
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I told him when the silence dragged on. “I wanted to tell you the truth. But I wasn’t even sure at first that there was a threat. And I didn’t want to screw the whole mission up if I was just being paranoid. But I hated having to lie to you. Especially, you know, the longer I was in your house, the more time I spent with you.” The more I grew to care for him. But I felt it was too soon to say something like that.
“I won’t hold it against you. If you promise not to do it again,” he said, then charged on before I even got a chance to assure him I was done with lying, that it wasn’t in my nature anyway, that it had been killing me little bit by little bit each time I kept something from someone in my life, or outright lied to their face. “We have no shot at this if we don’t have trust to build it on,” he finished.
“No shot at what?” I asked, knowing what he meant, but needing specificity, wanting to hear the words.
“We have something starting here. We both know that. I don’t think I am being presumptuous to say that we both want to pursue it.”
“Not presumptuous at all,” I assured him.
“Then we need to start with honesty.”
“Then full-disclosure,” I told him, ducking my head a bit, “I had a giant crush on you back when I worked at the office.”
“Then in the interest of full-disclosure, I have to admit something…”
There was a hint of something in his voice that I rarely ever heard there, something that didn’t seem to fit there.
Insecurity.
“Okay…”
“I’m worried I’m going to fuck this up.”
“How so?”
“I think we both know my history here, Gem…”
“Oh, the one where you rush into relationships without giving it any thought and without figuring out if you are even compatible with a woman first?” I teased, wanting to ease the uncertainty I saw in his eyes.
“Yeah, that,” he agreed with a snort. “I know people think I don’t realize what a stupid fucking pattern it is.”
“I don’t think it is stupid to want someone to share your life with. And I think you work a lot. Too much at times. You are always at the office or abroad. It isn’t like you work a normal nine-to-five and have all the time in the world to selectively date people. So you just… skip that step. Get them in your space.”
“Trial by fire.”
“Exactly. I can’t say I would ever want to go about it that way, but I understand why that has been your pattern.” Pausing, thinking, I continued, “But we did kind of go about it that way this time, didn’t we? I mean we were kinda thrown together to see if it works. I don’t think the method is at fault per se. It can work.”
“It did work,” he corrected, hand giving my thigh a squeeze. “I didn’t get sick of having you there. If anything, I just wanted more of it.”
“Well, maybe after all this is done, we can arrange that.” Then, worrying that was maybe a little too forward, that it revealed too much, I rushed on, “I have been dying to know if the master bathroom tub is as awesome as the guest one.”
“Baby, it’s got jets. And it’s big enough for two.”
“Well, I’m sold then,” I told him with a smile that quickly disappeared when I spotted the need in his eyes.