I couldn’t seem to string thoughts to vocal cords, to force out words.
Hell, I couldn’t even breathe normally yet.
The aftershocks came hard and fast, racking my body with their intensity, my system unable to process all the sensations and thoughts.
“Oh, honey,” he said, but there was a small chuckle underneath the concern as he moved away from me, fumbling to close up his pants so he could gather me up, cuddling me to his chest as he carried me back to our room, dropping me down, covering me up. “One second,” he demanded, going into the bathroom. “And one more,” he added, emerging again, going out into the main area, coming back with my pile of discarded clothing.
With that, he locked the door, stripped out of most of his clothes, then climbed in the bed with me, curling me onto his chest, hiking my leg up over his waist, wrapping his arms around me, just holding onto me.
It was just, well, perfect.
“You alright there?” he asked a long moment later.
“Yeah. That was, um…”
“Intense,” he supplied for me.
“Yes.” That was the only way to describe it.
“Gem?”
“Yeah?”
“We’re going to have to tell them soon.”
A selfish part of me wanted to keep it between us, to hold onto it.
But the other part of me knew that Bellamy was now in on things since he’d overheard me and Cat talking. To his credit, he had said nothing.
I knew Bellamy well enough at this point, though, to know he could be incredibly loose-lipped. I was sure there were secrets he kept. I just wasn’t sure if this was one that he would try to. Or if the allure of being the first to know something, to share something, would be too good to resist.
If that happened, well, Jules was going to kill me.
Not because she would be mad. At least I didn’t think so. But because I had been keeping so much from her already.
That wasn’t the relationship we had. We were raised to be close, to rely on each other, to trust that our secrets would be kept when we shared them.
Admittedly, there were several times when I was better at sharing than she was. Being the older sister, she seemed to take the role seriously, always trying to be strong and stoic and have her life together at all times, to be a good example.
But I had always been a sharer. Or an over-sharer, if I were being completely honest.
It would hurt her to know that it wasn’t just a work mission thing. She would overlook that one for the most part just because she would think that I thought it wasn’t my secret to share. And there was some truth in that. But to know that I had begun a relationship right under her nose with the guy I’d once had an all-consuming crush on, yeah, that she wasn’t going to let slide as easily. Especially if I let too much time pass before letting her in on things.
“I know,” I agreed. “A selfish part of me wants to just keep it between us, but I know we need too soon.”
“I’ve been preparing myself for the lectures since we first crossed the line.”
“They’re not going to lecture you.”
To that, he laughed. “Oh, honey. They already have.”
“Wait… what?” I asked, pushing up to look down at him, my hair falling forward like a curtain. “All of them?” I asked, feeling my stomach drop.
“No. Not all of them. But Finn and Bell. And they have gotten to me with the lectures. As far as I can tell, though, no one has blabbed to Quin or any of the others. I don’t think they want to have to deal with him if he finds out.”
“Quin isn’t going to care that much,” I assured him. “I’m more worried about Jules.”
“I think you underestimate how much Quin cares about you. He sees you like a little sister. And if he finds out that I–of all people–am with you, he’s going to have some shit to say about it.”
“Don’t say that about yourself,” I insisted, not liking him thinking that about himself, especially now that I knew the truth.
“Look, Gem, you and me, we know the truth of why I have been looking for the right woman in all the wrong places. But not everyone else knows that. They see me going from one woman to the next, and they assume I am just careless or just using women to keep my bed warm. And they won’t like thinking that I am careless with you, or, worse yet, using you.”
“I will tell them,” I assured him. “I mean… not about your mom, of course. But about how this is different.”
“They won’t buy it, babe.”
“Come on. They love you too. There’s no way they think so lowly of you that they think you are actually planning on screwing me over.”