The nights were hard.
I’d gotten accustomed to her, to having someone around, to bounce ideas off of, to share stories with. And, let’s face it, to curl up with, to touch, to be touched by.
I hadn’t ever craved it before.
But her?
Fuck, I craved her.
More than I could have ever known was possible.
This house, this place that had always been my sanctuary, all I ever needed for a full, rewarding life, felt empty, felt cold.
Like, I guess, me.
“Fuck,” I growled, running a hand across the back of my neck. “Not right now, bud,” I called to Captain who had jumped off the couch to make his way to the door, sniffing at the crack. “You were just there,” I reminded him when he let out a low whine. “Come on. You want a bone?” I asked, turning to reach up into the cabinet.
And then the unthinkable happened.
Not only unthinkable.
Impossible.
There was a knock at my door.
My first thoughts were of my guilt.
Of cadaver dogs and teeth and buried bodies.
And, of course, cops.
My heart stuttered at that, but, I reminded myself that cops generally didn’t knock politely at the door.
Lost hikers and campers didn’t usually make it out this far.
It wasn’t impossible, just unlikely.
Maybe one of my coworkers?
They knew the way.
They would knock.
Taking a steadying breath, shushing the barking dogs, I made a slow path toward the door, steeling myself for any possibilities.
Or so I thought.
Because I never, not in my wildest fantasies, could have imagined what was awaiting me as I grabbed the knob, turned, pulled the door open.
And there she was.
It was the Meadow I knew with a few small changes. She had on tight-fitting jeans, trendy-looking camel-colored boots, a form-fitting white tank top under a sweater that matched her shoes. Her hair was a little straighter. And there was the unmistakable traces of makeup on her face – darkening her light lashes, her blonde brows, covering up the dark swatches under her eyes from sleepless nights.
Captain nearly charged at her, stopping short of jumping up, knowing he was strong enough to knock her down. Her hand reached out automatically, rubbing at his ears, but not taking her gaze off me.
Miller had been right, there was a sadness in her eyes, something that hadn’t been there until I had kicked her out.
It killed me to see it there now.
But that was a thought for another time.
Now, well, now I had to think about why she was here… how she was here.
“How are you here?” I heard myself ask, my voice low.
“I had directions. Well, I mean, there isn’t a proper way to get directions in the woods, I guess. But between Gunner and Finn and Miller, I had enough ‘Turn right at that giant spooky tree that looks like it belongs in The Addams Family’ and ‘when you see the burning bush, keep going straight until you reach a small rock formation’ type instructions to be able to piece together something that was workable. Except then I got lost. I don’t think I ever would have made it here if I didn’t see the light. You never have the lights on.”
Finn, Gunner, and Miller had given her instructions on how to get back to the cabin? Why the hell, then, had Miller been texting me about how unhappy she was.
Just a little last stab of guilt before she knew Meadow was going to show up at my door. “When… when did you decide to come?”
“I planned to come every single day after I stopped crying,” she admitted, lifting her chin a little at the admission, feeling vulnerable, worrying I would exploit that.
“Did Miller know that?”
“No. I mean… not until earlier today.”
“What happened earlier today?”
“I saw Finn. I mean, I see Finn or Miller pretty much every day. They’ve been… watching me. Making sure I don’t get more scars, I guess,” she said, shrugging a shoulder as her gaze fell. “But I saw Finn, and I just walked to him instead of ignoring him. And asked him for directions. He remembers his way here by where the biggest brush piles are, you know,” she informed me, lips twitching a little. When I said nothing, she shifted her feet a bit, uncomfortable, uncertain. “Miller knows the trees and rocks. Gunner was the one with the north and south and due east type of directions which, well, are completely useless to most people. Me included.”
Babbling.
She was babbling in nervousness.
My heart was stuttering in my chest.
We were quite a pair.
“Meadow… why are you here?” I asked. It was the question I really wanted to know. And, therefore, was the hardest one to ask.
Her gaze fell for a long moment, her chest expanding as she sucked in a breath so big her lungs must have burned, then letting it out just as slowly as her head rose, green eyes finding and holding mine.