Four Kicks

I hadn’t thought of that. Hospital rules, and all that. “Okay.” I look to Adam and Josh. “One of you, text me with updates, please.”

Josh smiles. He usually has a laid-back, unruffled vibe, but I can almost see the nervous excitement flowing through him. “We will, Lacy. Thank you for helping her.

“Of course.”

I follow them all through the back door, Adam takes Maddy’s keys from her to lock up, and a moment later their truck peels out of the lot, leaving me standing alone.

5

Restlessness

It’s the next afternoon when I go to the hospital in Whitman to meet little Amelia Harding. She arrived in the wee hours of the morning, beautiful and healthy. Josh sent a picture and I’m already in love.

Jake and Josh are in the room with Maddy when I arrive. I give her a long hug before looking around for the baby.

“The nurse has her. She should be back soon,” Maddy explains, looking tired but happy.

“We’ll go check on her,” Jake says, leaving me alone with my friend.

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Really tired.”

“That’s going to be your new normal, from what I hear.”

“I know.” She sinks back into the pillows propped up behind her. The smile on her face is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. My friend has changed. She’s brought life into the world. She’s a mom.

“How have your guys been doing?”

“Good. Great.” Maddy sighs contentedly. “I think they all cried a little when Amelia arrived. We all did. It was a really special moment.”

My heart nearly bursts both with happiness and with longing.

“Knock, knock.” The door opens and a dark-haired nurse enters with her back to us, pulling a bassinet on wheels behind her. “We’re back.” She positions the cart by Maddy’s side and I finally meet my friend’s daughter.

“Oh, she’s so precious, Maddy!” My eyes fill with tears as I inspect Amelia’s fuzzy little head, tiny nose, and eyelashes so pale and delicate that I can hardly stand it.

“She’s awake. Would you like to hold her?” the nurse asks Maddy.

When Maddy nods, the woman picks up the tiny, swaddled bundle and places her in the new mother’s arms. The Harding brothers – all four of them are here now – circle around the bed, completing the picture of familial bliss. I can feel the love flowing between the six of them – it’s nearly overwhelming.

We talk for a few minutes. I take pictures and find out more about the delivery, which, thankfully, went very smoothly.

The nurse, who’d been making notes on a chart and on the room’s whiteboard, eventually interrupts us. “She might be getting hungry. Would you like to try again to nurse her?”

When Maddy nods, I slip in to give Amelia a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll leave you alone. Let me know when you’re home and when you’re ready for visitors.”

“I will.” Maddy flashes me a quick smile before returning her attention to her baby.

I slip out of the room, more determined than ever that I want to be a mom.

Driving home, I’m distracted by a growing sense of restlessness. The thought of spending a quiet evening in my tiny one-room apartment feels suffocating, but a night out at Rusty’s, or some similarly loud place, doesn’t appeal, either.

On a sudden inspiration, but more from a lack of other ideas, I make a turn toward the beachfront side of the island and park in a public access lot. Even though it’s mid-week, it’s still tourist season, but I’m lucky enough to find an open bench along the path.

There are several families out on the beach. A mom is building a sandcastle with a little boy, and a dad is tossing a football to two pre-teen girls nearby. The sun is starting to set, and though I don’t have a good view from where I am, the changing colors of the sky and water cast a mood, the approaching end of the day making me moody and reflective.

I feel alone.

Everyone in my view is either coupled up or part of a family unit. I want that, but all of a sudden, I realize I have no solid plan. I’m very familiar with the supply of eligible men on the island, and it’s not a long list. Asking friends and family to set me up probably won’t work but may be worth a try. Maybe I should go out more in towns on the mainland. Maybe I should try dating apps?

While I sit and ponder the possibilities, the wind picks up and blows my curls into my face. As I’m securing my hair with a tie, my phone vibrates in my pocket.

Some small part of me isn’t surprised to see David’s name on the screen. Aside from running into each other once in a while, we haven’t been in touch in years, but he’s remained in my contacts list even through phone upgrades. His picture used to come up when he called, but I deleted that a long time ago.