Four Kicks

I feel cared for and safe. I feel like I matter to them. But maybe that’s just me projecting onto them the things I want from a man. And these men are very well-practiced at making a woman feel good, physically and emotionally.

I do my best to only focus on the physical, but afterward, I’m shook. What we shared felt like more than just sex.

I feel connected to them, and I don’t want to feel that way. I’m not supposed to feel that way.

We skip dinner, having spent all evening in bed. I wasn’t hungry earlier, but now I’m lying here awake, long after the men have all fallen asleep beside me. Is that hunger in my belly? Or longing?

In the morning I’m the first one awake and somehow I manage to slip out of bed without disturbing them. It occurs to me that I never once looked at my phone yesterday; I don’t know when I’ve ever gone twenty-four hours without a screen fix.

When I see Bianca’s name on a text alert, I assume she’s going to hassle me about skipping out on inventory this weekend, but instead, she’s checking in. Her first message was neutral, but when I hadn’t responded, she sent more messages that sound increasingly concerned.

I hurriedly type a response: Sorry, I didn’t check my phone yesterday. I’m fine.

I’m actually touched that she cares. I’m the big sister, and I look out for her, but it’s nice to know she’s got my back, too. Now I feel guilty for missing inventory.

Unlike me, Bianca’s a morning person, so I’m not surprised when three little dots appear on the screen.

Bianca: Good. I’ll call off the search party

Me: Was Olivia available to help at the store this weekend?

Bianca: Yes

Well, that’s good, anyway.

Footsteps pad across the carpet and then Landon’s hand is on my waist, his chin nuzzling my neck. “Everything okay?”

“Yes.” I keep my voice low, assuming the others are still sleeping. “I was just checking my messages.”

“Are you coming back to bed?”

I stiffen. This is what kept me up last night. Our plans were to be together all weekend, but I’m afraid to have sex with them again. I don’t think I can risk it. I don’t think I can experience them like that one more time and not get myself in too deep. I’m skirting the danger zone right now, as it is.

The texts from Bianca give me inspiration. “I’m sorry. I need to go back early today. There’s work at my family’s store that has to be done.”

I had mentioned the inventory to the men the other day, so Landon knows what I’m referring to. “I thought that was covered.”

“I did, too.” I keep my words purposely vague, not wanting to outright lie to him. “But I need to get back.”

After a quick shower, I emerge to find four unhappy men. “You’re cutting the weekend short?” Nathan asks.

“I need to.” I do need to, but not for the reasons I’m telling them. I need to leave so I don’t fall for them.

“I thought your schedule was clear today,” Derek says.

“I thought so, too, but it didn’t turn out that way.” I turn away from them and start to pack things into my bag.

“But we had more fun planned for today,” Landon says, his voice a petulant, sexy growl.

They’re not making this easy. I don’t want to leave, but I need to leave. I force a smile onto my face and turn to them, hand on hip. “You’re all insatiable. I’ve never had so much sex over the course of two days. And last night was perfect. A perfect way to end things.” I cap my words with another false smile. I’m looking at them, but trying hard not to actually see them – their gorgeous, hard bodies, their soulful eyes, their disappointed expressions.

I turn back to my bag and continue packing.

Thankfully, they don’t say any more about it. Breakfast is delivered to the room and we eat together, though the men are quiet. I start a few conversations, but the mood has changed. They’re not sulking exactly. I think they’re hurt.

I’d prefer to be straightforward with them, but it would be a bad idea to tell them the real reason I need to go home. This weekend was all about having fun together, not about me catching feelings. It wouldn’t be fair to put that on them, and it could make things incredibly awkward at work. I don’t want them feeling sorry for me, acting strange around me, or worst of all, distancing themselves from me. I think we have the potential to be good friends, and now that we’re not going to have sex anymore, being just friends will be much easier.

I ride back to the island with Ash and Landon. Ash is his usual quiet self and, thankfully, Landon keeps the mood light. I’m not prepared for the sadness that fills me after we leave the resort. It’s like I was living a fantasy life, and now it’s over. I was so happy with them and we had so much fun – what if I can’t find that with another man? And what man could possibly satisfy me physically as well as these four did?