Until Jax (Until Him 1)

“Can you pit me up so I can see Mama?” she asks, and my chest gets tight, similar to the way it does every time I look at her mom.

“Sure,” I say, and she holds her hands up to me. I pick her up in her big poufy pink dress then lift her onto my shoulders so she can see her mom walk down the aisle behind July, holding onto Harlen’s arm, which causes a different kind of tightness to fill my chest.

She looks beautiful today. Her long brown hair is tied up with a white ribbon that is woven through a braid, which is wrapped behind her ear with small pieces framing her face. Her body is incased in a dress that is so formfitting I know just from looking that her breasts would fit perfectly in my hands. Hell, her body fits perfectly against mine. I know this, because every chance I get, I have her close. Since we had breakfast this morning, I have made a point to show her I want her and that she’s the only woman I think about.

She’s mine. She may not understand it—hell, I don’t even know if I understand it—but she was made for me.

Taking Hope with me, I meet Ellie at the end of the aisle and take her from Harlen, who just grins when I pull her from his grasp with a hand around her waist.

“Mama, you wook so pwetty,” Hope says as she moves from my hold into Ellie’s arms.

“Thank you, Angel,” Ellie says then looks at me. “I can’t believe how many people are here.” Looking around my uncle’s backyard, I have to admit there are a lot of people for such a spontaneous wedding, but I’m not surprised. The women in my family are determined if nothing else.

“I’m starving,” Hope says dramatically, leaning her body way back until she’s looking at me upside down.

Smiling at her, I mutter, “Let’s get you girls something to eat,” before placing my hand against Ellie’s lower back, leading her through the crowd towards the food that has been laid out. Once we each have a plate, I head toward the table my parents are sitting at with my sister.

The moment Hope spots my dad, she yells, “Gwampa!” and runs to him. He picks her up, tossing her in the air, causing her large, poufy dress to float up around her as she laughs loudly. Then she looks at my mom and smiles, yelling, “Gwamma, look! My pwincess dress fits me!” making Mom’s eyes go soft as she says something I can’t hear.

“I don’t know when she started calling them Grandma and Grandpa,” Ellie whispers, stopping a few feet from the table.

“My mom probably bribed her,” I tell her, wanting to get the look of unease off her face. And that probably isn’t a lie—I know my mom and dad both love kids. They would’ve had more than my sister and me if things had been different, but after being apart for so long, I know they wanted to focus on our family.

“Hope has never really had grandparents. My mom, as you know, is crazy, and my dad, who would have adored her, died long before she ever got a chance to meet him.” She pauses. “She already loves them,” she says softly, and before I have a chance to ask her about Hope’s father’s family and why none of them are around or involved in her life, she steps away from me toward the table, taking a seat. I follow and sit next to her, watching her face as she watches Hope, who is now sitting on my mom’s lap and babbling about something to my dad.

“They’re already in love with her too,” I say, nudging Ellie’s shoulder with mine to get her attention. When her eyes come to me, I dip my face closer to hers and tell her gently, “You have family now. Both you and Hope do.”

Her lips press together, and that tightness fill my chest again, making me uncomfortable. Taking her hand from the table, I wrap it around my thigh, placing my hand over hers. It might take some time, but one way or another, she will learn to accept she isn’t alone anymore.

Chapter 4

Ellie

After putting away the rest of Hope’s clothes in the closet and making her bed, I head downstairs to the kitchen. Since Ashlyn picked Hope up this morning, I have no possible reason to stay up here any longer, and I’m sure Jax, who knocked on my door thirty minutes ago and told me he needed to talk to me, isn’t going to give me much longer to avoid him.

It’s Tuesday, three days since July’s wedding, and I haven’t seen much of Jax since then. On Sunday, the day after the wedding, I had to work, so Jax’s mom watched Hope, and then Jax picked her up and made her dinner. He sent me a text at work asking if Hope could have ice cream, to which I told him not before dinner. I can see now that my girl has him wrapped around her finger.

When I got home, I had a quick dinner, and luckily Hope was just as tired as I was, so we had an early night. Yesterday, Jax worked, so I only saw him for a brief moment when he stopped at Hope’s bedroom door. His eyes collided with mine as we stared at each other until he rumbled, “Goodnight,” quietly and left the doorway. Hope had long since fallen asleep, but I couldn’t leave her, and if I’m honest with myself, I used her like a shield to protect myself from Jax.

I know I find him attractive. I know the kiss he gave me in the car stole more than my laughter. I know the way I felt when he told his friend I’m his girlfriend. I know that at the wedding, when I shared a slow dance with him and he held me tight against his body, I felt like the only women in the world. I know the way I felt watching him hold my daughter, who had fallen asleep in his lap as he laughed with his family, all while keeping a firm grip on my hand. I know I want more than anything to believe it’s my turn to find happiness, but I also know how I felt having a beautiful woman shove reality in my face and down my throat while I sat across from Jax in a restaurant.