Until Talon (Until Him 4)

I walk right to the back door to let my girls in then listen to them follow me into the kitchen, where Cece is standing at the island, making sandwiches. She lifts her head when she hears me, and I can see the sadness and exhaustion she tries to hide. My sister has always been beautiful without really trying, but the weight she’s lost and heartache she’s felt is etched in her pretty features.

“Morning.”

“Morning, I already fed Merc and Ret, and let them out.”

“Thanks.” I walk past her and head straight for the coffee pot. I fill up my favorite cup, add my vanilla creamer, and take it to the island. “How was work?” I ask her as I take a seat, blowing across the top of my coffee mug.

“Good,” she mumbles, slathering a slice of bread with peanut butter before placing it carefully on top of another slice covered in jelly.

I wait for her to say more then set down my cup. “Have you spoken to Mike?”

“We talked yesterday. He’s picking up the girls Saturday morning, and they are going to stay the night with him.”

“They are?” This news surprises me. Mike has been staying with his parents since he came forward about his affair, and both he and Cece agreed that the girls wouldn’t spend the night with him there. His parents only have a two-bedroom condo, and the spare room at his parents’ house only has the air mattress Mike’s been using while staying with them. Neither of them wanted the girls to be without a real bed to sleep in.

She finishes slapping together another sandwich then meets my gaze. “He got a two-bedroom apartment in town and bought the girls bunk beds with a double on the bottom and a single on the top, so they can all sleep in the same room when they stay with him.”

“Oh,” I say, studying her and seeing her eyes begin to water. “That’s good, right?”

“They need their dad. They miss being with him.” She ducks her head in an attempt to hide her tears. I chew the inside of my cheek as I try to figure out what to say. This entire situation is a mess, and once more, I resent Mike for not keeping his dick in his pants. If he had been faithful or at the least been man enough to say he wasn’t happy before moving along, things would have been hard, but not as hard as they are now.

“Are you crying because the girls are going to be staying with him?”

“Yes.” She shakes her head, looking at me. “No.” She shakes her head again. “I don’t know. I think I thought we would work things out and he would eventually move home.” She looks away briefly before meeting my gaze again. “Now he has a place of his own, so I think that means we really are done.”

I blink, completely dumbfounded. “You wanted him back?”

I don’t know what the look she’s giving me means, but still I hold my breath as she speaks. “I want what we promised each other when we started dating and got married.” She wipes the tears off her cheeks. “I don’t want him, not the man he is now. I just wish that…. I just wish things were different. I wish he didn’t do what he did. I wish I didn’t have to think about starting over, really starting over. I wish my babies didn’t have to jump between his house and mine and that they didn’t have to experience what we did growing up.”

“Cece.” Her name comes out on a whisper, because my throat feels like it’s closing up. “They aren’t growing up like we did. The only thing they know is that both their parents love them and are devoted to making sure they are happy. I know this is all hard on them, but I don’t think they’ve ever felt what we did growing up.”

She drops her chin to her chest, and her shoulders shake. “I’m just so mad at him.”

“You have a right to be pissed. That doesn’t make you a bad person. I know this isn’t easy for you, but I do know you are an amazing mom, and even if Mike is an asshole, he’s still a good dad.”

“I hate him,” she whimpers, and I get up and walk around to her, pulling her into my arms.

“You don’t.” I rub her back and rock her from side to side. “That’s why you’re so mad.”

“You’re right, but I really want to hate him.” She buries her face in my neck.

“I know you do, and that’s okay. It’s okay to hate him or love him. You can feel however you need to feel. There are no rules.”

“I just don’t want my babies hurting because of this.”

I close my eyes, wishing I had the power to make her wish come true, but I know it’s not possible. At the end of the day, the girls are going to experience their parents’ divorce, and at their age, they will see and hear more than they probably should. Not because their parents aren’t protecting them, but because they are kids, and no matter what you do, they always have a way of finding things out and coming to their own conclusions. “It’s going to be okay. No matter what happens, it’s going to be okay.”