Slumber (The Fade 1)

Once I had calmed myself and gotten most of the poisonous memories out of my system for the night, I changed into my dress. It felt strange swishing about my ankles. Encumbering. I frowned at it and kicked out with my legs. I missed trousers. Sighing, I plaited my hair back and frowned at the way the dress lifted from my waist. My clothes no longer fit well.

The Vojvoda Andrei Rada and his son the Markiz awaited me with Wolfe in the dark, masculine dining room.

“There she is,” Vojvoda Andrei called out, approaching me with a fatherly smile. He took my hands and I found it difficult to smile politely back at him. “Lady Rogan, what a scare you gave us, taking off to tour Alvernia alone.”

I grimaced at our lie. I grimaced at the way the Vojvoda looked down on me condescendingly, in his gated home and isolated city. Where was he for the people of the Mountains?! All my anger and frustration over everything that had happened suddenly seethed to the surface. If I’d known this was going to be my reaction at seeing him again I would never have come down for dinner. I struggled to maintain calm.

“Well.” He shrugged, seeming nonplussed by my silence. “I’m very glad the good Captain caught up with you to keep you safe. How did you find my rough lands?”

I thought of L and her forthright honesty. Of the Moss’ kindness and sincerity. Of Brint Lokam and the people of Hill o’ Hope’s generosity.

“Like everywhere else in Phaedra, your Grace. Populated with good people and bad people… and poorly governed.” I straightened my shoulders, jutting out my chin defiantly. “If you’ll excuse me.”

And leaving all three of the men with their jaws hanging to the floor, I spun on my heel and left them to it.

Chapter Twenty Nine

The days ahead were filled with a mixture of anticipation and a sickening coldness. I barely ate a thing as we galloped through Daeronia, stopping to pick up the two soldiers in the mining village, who now greeted us happily, offering us bread and shelter. But we didn’t stay long. If our pace had been gruelling before, now it was frantic. I knew the Guard were curious, that they all suspected something more was going on, especially since they’d seen me come out of the mountains. They wondered what an earth had possessed me to go up them. But I didn’t want to panic anyone, especially when we were so close to saving Haydyn. I’d rather they’d think I’d gone light in the mind than know the truth. The times I did sleep, I twisted and turned with the nightmares. I dreamt of arriving in Silvera only to find we were too late and Haydyn was gone. I dreamt the Mountain Man was still alive and chased me into the empty palace, no one there to protect me from his deranged lust. And I dreamt of Wolfe. Always he stood on the Silver Cliffs, his eyes begging me to save him. I’d make a move towards him and feel a tug on my hand. I’d turn to find Haydyn, shaking her head at me, my parents and little brother behind her, mirroring her expression. When I looked back at Wolfe, he’d glare at me, hatred filling his eyes. And then he’d leap, leap right over the cliffs into the crashing water.

I didn’t need to be a scholar to interpret the dream.

We reached Caera in record time, not stopping enough to make time for incidents. I was exhausted by the time Vojvodkyna Winter welcomed us into our home. Taking in my bedraggled state, she was even kind to me. As she ushered me to the guest suite herself, ordering a bath and food tray for me, I forgot to be jealous of her. I even came to the conclusion, that as before, I may have judged her too harshly.

*

The next morning as the maid’s giggled in the hallway all my good feelings toward Winter flew out the window. It was easy in a household as large as Winter’s for the gossip to reach my ears. Wolfe had been seen leaving Winter’s bedroom early that morning. I stumbled when I heard the gossip, the pain of that knowledge hitting me in the chest with the force of a sledgehammer. I turned on my heel, no longer hungry for breakfast, or able to stand the sight of Wolfe and Winter together. I could barely draw breath; my whole body ached with the grief. With the betrayal.

But he wasn’t mine to betray me.

Sniffling back silly tears, that were best not wasted on him, I drew on my travelling cloak and clutched the pack with the Somna Plant inside. It was time to leave.

***

Chaeron and the others seemed confused. Before Caera, Wolfe had been the one not talking to me. Now every time he passed me an icy blast would burst out of me, my looks so quelling they made everyone flinch. Wolfe caught my looks and frowned, his eyes asking Chaeron if he knew what had upset me. With no answer, he grew even more indignant. I imagined the Lieutenant and the Guard were just as exhausted with Wolfe’s attitude, and my own, as much as they were of the journey.

We crossed into Raphizya, stopping in Ryl to stay with Matai’s cousins again. This time I met Mr Zanst, who welcomed us into his home just as warmly as his wife had. From his dark good looks to his charming stoicism, he reminded me much of Matai… and I longed for home. Mrs Zanst was so worried for me I felt terrible for deceiving her, for having been foolish enough to be kidnapped by the Iavii in Ryl. She asked me if I had been treated badly, and I assured her that Wolfe had come to my rescue and kept me safe.

After a wonderfully, civilised and pleasantly refreshing evening with the Zansts (perhaps because Wolfe stayed away), the Guard and I set off for Peza. It rained the entire journey and I wasn’t sure if it was because my body had hardened with its recent experiences, but I escaped the cold that seemed to be sweeping through the Guard. Mayhap because of their position distant from the Guard, Wolfe and Lieutenant Chaeron managed to get by unscathed also. Still, I was glad to reach Grof Krill Rada’s home. I’d never heard supposedly strapping and capable men complain so much about a little cold.

I wasn’t the only one happy to see me in Peza. Grof Krill came bounding out of his mansion with Strider, the wolfhound, at his side. Strider seemed to remember me and my generosity at the dinner table and licked my hand when I reached out to pet him. Grof Krill was grinning at me so brightly I was taken aback. We hadn’t exactly left on the best of terms.

“My Lord.” I bobbed a curtsey.

“You are a vision, Lady Rogan.” His grin grew even brighter if that was possible. There was no flirtatiousness in his tone, nothing seedy. He seemed genuinely happy to see me.

I was completely bemused. “Thank you, my Lord.”

Seeming to catch my confused look, Groff Krill laughed. “Come, I want you to meet someone.”

As I took his arm and followed him inside, forgetting Wolfe and Chaeron at my back, a suspicion grew.

No. It couldn’t be. Could it?

The door was swept open by the butler, my heart pounding in my chest, praying my suspicion was correct.

As soon as we stepped inside I saw her. I broke out into a choked laugh. “Ariana?”

The pretty young woman came forward at a hurry, her grey eyes brimming with happiness. “Is this her, Krill?”

“This is she.” He spun me around, gripping me by my upper arms. “How can I ever repay you for writing that letter, Lady Rogan?”

Ariana joined us, pulling me into a hug, joyful tears filling her eyes as she told me all about receiving the letter; how she couldn’t believe the Handmaiden of Phaedra had written to her; how she so wanted to believe me about Krill’s love for her; how she’d left her life behind and took a chance on what I had confided.

Grof Krill and Ariana married three days after her arrival in Peza. She was now Grofka Ariana.

Exhausted and incredibly elated that I’d done one other thing right on this quest of mine, I felt tears well up in my eyes.

“Lady Rogan, are you alright?” Grof Krill asked anxiously, seeing my dark eyes shine.

“I’m fine,” I whispered hoarsely. “I’m just delighted for you and… so very tired.”

“Oh.” Ariana looked aghast. “Here we’ve been monopolising your time when you must be so weary from your journey. How ill-mannered of us.”

“No, no,” I rushed to assure her. “I am so pleased to meet you, Ariana, and I am so happy I had a hand in bringing you and Grof Krill together. It’s just been such a long trip.”

I was struggling now to keep my tears in check.

With a perceptiveness that bothered me, Grof Krill straightened his spine in alert. “Nothing untoward has happened to you, Lady Rogan?”

“No, no. Please… I just need to rest.”

“Krill, stop pestering the poor girl,” Ariana admonished gently. She took my arm. “Come, I shall show you to your room.”

Ariana left me in the suite I’d stayed in my last visit and rang the servants to send for a supper tray. With one last grateful hug, she swept from the room and I flopped down on the bed. I was glad the Grof had gotten his happily ever after. At least someone in my life had.

The food arrived, and delicious though it was, I barely tasted it as I shovelled it down. I kept seeing Winter at the door to her mansion, waving her handkerchief at Wolfe with that knowing, intimate look in her eyes.

I slid back on the bed and rested my head against a fluffy gold brocade pillow, willing the nightmares away tonight. I’d give anything for a restful, dreamless sleep.

My eyes were just closing when I heard the handle on the door turn, someone entering without knocking. I bolted upright at the impudence, my heart spluttering when the intruder revealed himself. Wolfe. He closed the door behind, turning the key in the lock.

I glared at him as he leaned back against the door, his eyes washing over me inscrutably.

“Grof Krill and Grofka Ariana are so sickeningly happy, I had to get away from them.” He smirked.

I was surprised by his even tone. There was no ice in his eyes. No growl in his words.

“Get out,” I snapped, feeling the hurt roll over and over me again in crashing waves.

Wolfe’s expression hardened. “No.” He shook his head and pushed away from the door, striding towards me. I felt my pulse race at that familiar languid walk. “I’m fed up of fighting with you. It’s exhausting. I keep waiting for you to come to your senses… but I realised something today.”

I continued glowering. “What was that?”

He stopped in front of me so I had to crane my neck back to meet his eyes. “You never just come to your senses, Rogan. You have to have them shaken into you.” He reached out to touch my cheek and I jerked back, ignoring his wounded look as he dropped his hand. “I love you, Rogan.”

All the pain and anger I felt brimmed over in my eyes. “Then why did you bed Winter when we were in Caera?” I choked back a cry.

Wolfe looked surprised, sitting down beside me, trying to clutch my hands and pull me to him. “Rogan, I never bedded Winter. I never touched her. I shared a room with Chaeron that night; you can ask him, you know he won’t lie to you.”

I glanced up at him sharply, my heart pounding. “What?”

“I was nowhere near her. The last time we were in Caera, I told Winter there would never be anything between us again because… because… because I love you. I’m in love with you.”

I trembled; hope desperately clambering its way back inside me. I tried to shake it back out. I was so confused. “The servants were gossiping about you leaving her bedroom in the morning.”

Wolfe sighed in exasperation. “Winter likes to use her servants for her little games. She wants me back, Rogan. She’s trying to put up a wall between us.”

“You refused to converse with me anyway. There was already a wall.”

He slid a hand down my cheek and around my neck, forcing me to look at him. I shivered at his gentle touch. “I was terrified, Rogan. Every time I think about what could have happened… what did happen… I-”

“Wolfe, don’t,” I urged, shushing him. I reached for his hand on the bedspread and slowly threaded my fingers through his. For a moment we gazed at our hands so entangled together. His skin felt warm and rough against mine. Safe.

“I don’t want a wall between us ever again,” Wolfe whispered.

I looked up to find his eyes on my face. There was pain there I had never seen before, and I know it was fear that I would turn from him. I knew… because I knew him.

I knew him.

Slowly, my breath hitching and falling, I leaned across the space between us and pressed my lips to his. Wolfe sat tense, unmoving as I kissed him softly, almost as if he were afraid to touch me.

I pulled back.

I knew him. “He didn’t hurt me, Wolfe. He didn’t… rape me.”

Wolfe swallowed, his eyes glistening. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Tentatively, he lifted our clasped hands off the bed and kissed my knuckles.

“Are you going to seduce me, Wolfe, or am I going to have to seduce you?” I grinned a little shyly.

Wolfe’s eyes darkened as his lips curved into that wicked smile. “I’m happy with either scenario.”

In the end… we seduced each other.

I had never been shy. Mindful of the proprieties, yes, but not shy. And with Wolfe, I felt all my inhibitions melt out of existence, no longer caring I was younger and inexperienced in comparison to the women he had been with previously. His declaration of love made me bold. Certain. I kissed his throat, loving the vibration of his groan against my lips. I leaned back and gazed up into his eyes. I realised something wonderful.

He knew me.

Gazes locked, we slowly undressed one another, leisurely, deliciously, savouring our connection…

…When I was na**d under him, I felt no fear, just want. I stroked my hands over his strong chest, felt the brush of his thighs against my own and trembled with the want.

And consequences be damned, for once I was taking what I wanted.