Play On (Play On 1)

I could see him at the end of the hallway, holding his mom tight because she was sad we were moving out. I remembered him telling her that we’d visit all the time and she could come see us whenever she wanted.

“I can’t hear his voice anymore,” I whispered.

Angie’s arm circled my shoulder and she pulled me to her to kiss my temple. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

But it wasn’t okay. Letting everything out with Aidan had unearthed my emotions, and I wasn’t okay.

“There you are.” Seonaid came striding out of the kitchen. “Roddy is about to eat the whole bloody chicken if you don’t get in here.”

Angie gave me one more squeeze and I plastered a smile on. “Let him try.”

Seonaid hugged me as soon as I approached. “He’s being a dick. I need backup.”

“Being a dick about what?”

“Her latest boy-toy,” Roddy supplied as we walked into the kitchen.

“He’s not a boy-toy, Radar Ears.” Seonaid gestured for her mother to sit down while she got us all drinks. The table was already set, a Sunday roast chicken and all the accoutrements with it. “And don’t even say one more word in front of my mum.”

“I think Angie wid like tae ken ye’er irresponsibly dating a man half yer age.”

I grinned at his teasing, relaxing a little now that he and Seonaid were there to take my mind off the difficult stuff.

“If he were half my age,” she slammed a beer down on the table beside him, “it would be illegal.”

“Hey, nae judgment here.”

Seonaid smacked him across the head and he shot me a pleased grin.

I laughed. “You’re giving him what he wants.”

She scowled and put a glass of water in front of me before taking a seat beside her mom. “He knows how to push my buttons.”

His grin turned wicked and as he opened his mouth to speak, Seonaid raised her fork and shouted, “Don’t even say anything dirty, Roddy Livingston!”

I smothered my laughter by taking a sip of water as Roddy shook with silent mirth.

Angie sighed. “Will you pair ever grow up?”

“Oh, I’m all grown up, Angie,” Roddy said, shooting Seonaid a pointed look.

To his delight, she blushed.

Interesting.

As interesting as it was, however, she also appeared in need of a rescue. “That picture you sent me of Zach. Wow.”

She smiled in thanks, shooting Roddy a smug look before opening her mouth.

This time she was cut off by Angie. “Aye, he’s gid-looking all right, but he’s a blethering idiot.”

Roddy choked on a sip of beer.

“At least the homely ones ye were dating had a brain in their heids.”

“Zach has a brain.”

“I said in their heids, Seonaid, no their underwear.”

While Roddy roared with delight, I tried, for my friend’s sake, to hold back my laughter. Seonaid turned to Roddy in outrage. “Like your barmaid is a bloody rocket scientist? I heard her ask you if grenadine was a girl’s name.”

“That’s a language barrier issue.”

“Yeah, she seems to understand baser elements of the English language, no problem, however.”

“And whit does that mean?”

“It means that when she thinks she’s whispering in your ear, she isn’t whispering!”

I snorted and Seonaid cut me a look of betrayal. I offered her one of apology and turned to Angie to change the subject. “It all looks delicious.”

“Aye, it does, so can we bloody well eat?” Roddy asked.

“Tuck in,” Angie said.

Knowing Roddy well, we waited until his plate was piled high before serving ourselves. Although Seonaid grumbled about feminism the entire time we did.

“It’s so nice tae have noise back in the house,” Angie said wistfully. “I miss it.”

Seonaid reached over to squeeze her mom’s hand.

“I miss him,” Angie went on, and I braced myself. I knew she needed to talk about him, but it was so goddamn difficult to hear. She looked at me and repeated the words she’d said before, words that were a knife in my gut. “But I take peace in knowin’ ma boy found the kind of love some of us never find.”

“Ye don’t have tae love me, Nora. Just keep caring about me, like I know ye do, and promise tae stay. For good. Stay with me. Choose me.”

I swallowed a gasp at finally hearing Jim’s voice after months of searching for it. There it was. Those words and the longing in them, the hurt he couldn’t hide in his eyes as he said them.

Angie had no idea how much pain I’d caused her son.

And suddenly, I realized … maybe it wasn’t only me who needed to be protected from Aidan. Maybe he needed to be shielded from me too. Like someone should have safeguarded Jim’s heart from me.

My fingers curled tightly around my fork as I looked down at my plate. Finally, I felt at last the battle I’d been fighting within myself since Wednesday was over. For once I had to do the right thing.

“Nora, can you help a customer?” Leah’s head appeared around the doorframe, looking into the closet we called a staff room. “Where are you going?”

I pulled on my backpack and strode past her. “Remember I finish at twelve today. It’s five after.”

“But Amy isn’t here yet.”

“I’m sorry. I have to get to the hospital.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh? What happened?”

Life happened.

“Uh, excuse me…” A girl stood at the counter looking annoyed. “Can someone help me, please?”

Leah turned to help the customer and I took the opportunity to dash out of the store without having to explain myself. I regretted agreeing to do overtime on my day off because I knew Leah would try to extend my hours, even though I had already told her I could only work until noon. As it was, it was going to be a push to get to the hospital in time for my session with the kids at our usual twelve-thirty.

By the time I climbed the hill from the shop and hurried up the old cobbled road of the Royal Mile, I could feel my anxiety building. It was stupid—the kids would be there when I arrived, but I hated the idea of being late. In the weeks I’d been visiting, I hadn’t been late once. And I still needed to change my clothes. I’d have to do it when I got there but before any of them saw me.

They called Edinburgh the windy city, and today—behaving like its forces were against me—it lived up to its name. I strode into the wind feeling its icy resistance. A whimsical part of me wondered if the city was trying to tell me something. Would I look on this day in the future and wish I’d listened to it and turned back?

Hurrying, I cut a twenty-minute walk down to fifteen. It would’ve been less if not for the damn wind. I almost skidded to a stop once I reached the ward, the nurses looking up in surprise when I appeared at their station sweaty and out of breath. There was no Aidan waiting outside with Sylvie. I didn’t know what that meant.

“Hey,” I puffed out.

Jan and Trish grinned at me. “We didn’t know if ye were coming today,” Jan said.

I grinned back at Jan. “Only illness or death.”

Catching my meaning, she chuckled and came around the nurses’ station. “They’re all in the common room.”

“Where can I change before they see me?”

She shook her head in amusement. “They won’t mind.”

“I know.” I shrugged.

“Alison is in the common room, so her private bathroom will be free.”

“Thanks. Two minutes,” I promised. I’d been nervous about seeing Aidan and explaining the whole friendship-only thing. Now I was worried he wasn’t here at all.

Perceptive as ever, Jan informed me, “They’re already here. Both of them.”

Relieved, I nodded and darted along the corridor and through Aly’s empty private room to her bathroom, the door banging shut behind me.

Yanking off my sweater and jeans, I began to feel the little hum of excitement in my belly, as I always did when I was about to spend time with them. And it was about them.