Fight or Flight

Each word was like a knife slice through my skin, every inch of me seeming to burn from the pain. Some small spark of hope that was clinging to the belief that it was his fear talking died as Caleb drew his gaze down my body and back up again.

There was something in the way that he looked at me. Disdain he was trying hard not to reveal.

It reminded me of the way Nick had looked at me when he told me he could never love me like he’d loved Gem.

And that was when realization hit me with so much force I honestly couldn’t breathe for a second or two. Survival kicked in and I gulped in a huge gasp of air, not aware of Caleb taking a step toward me, only aware of the sudden glaring truth.

“You don’t see me as anything but a piece of ass,” I said softly, not seeing him, not seeing anything. “Just a pretty face.”

When he didn’t say anything, when he didn’t disagree, I tried to make him.

“Your jealousy? Your possessiveness? They meant nothing?”

“That isn’t love. It’s lust. Pure and simple. You’re beautiful and you know I’m attracted tae you. Aye, it made me possessive of you. But that isn’t love. Not like you want. And that’s why this needs tae end.”

He couldn’t have said anything worse. He couldn’t have killed the hope inside me any more proficiently. And in that moment my love turned to hate as quickly as a match striking tinder.

I hated him more than I had ever hated anyone.

Finally I dragged my gaze up to meet his, feeling lost and sick, and wondering how I was going to put myself back together again. Why was I so unlovable? “What was it Nick said? That I’m empty? Nothing to see here but a beautiful face.” My voice hardened with the bitterness rising up inside of me.

All I saw was my pain and rage. I didn’t see the way Caleb paled at my words. “Ava.”

I turned, needing to get out of there, to find someplace to lick my wounds. Someplace where I could find the strength one more time to not let Nick’s or Caleb’s treatment of me turn me into something cold and filled with self-loathing.

That wasn’t here.

I needed to be as far away from this man, whom I had trusted more than any man—I hated him!

“Ava.” I heard his footsteps behind me and I picked up my pace, throwing his apartment door open. “Ava!”

Instinct made me run to the elevator, my hands shaking as I hit the button. Thankfully, it binged right open.

“Ava!” I heard Caleb roar, but I wouldn’t look up.

“Shut the door, shut the door, shut the door,” I muttered in prayer.

It shut before he could reach it.

I heard the muffled shout of my name once more as the elevator descended.

I was in so much pain I was almost numb from it. Like my brain had frozen my pain receptors because it knew my body, my heart, couldn’t handle it.

The elevator doors opened and I walked out into the reception in a daze. Harper was waiting for me, sitting on one of the reception chairs, reading a magazine. Her head lifted at the sight of me and she stood, her smile faltering at my expression.

An overwhelming rush of love for her broke through the numbness and tears began spilling down my cheeks before I could stop them. Not wanting to have a public meltdown, I grabbed her good arm when she came toward me. “I need to go home,” I whispered.

Concern and fury fought for dominance in her eyes but she controlled both, taking hold of me to lead me out of the building. “What happened?” she asked as she searched the street for a cab.

“He said just because I was beautiful didn’t mean he could love me. It was Nick all over again.” I wiped angrily at my tears. “Why do men want me to feel worthless? What is that?” I laughed harshly.

“I’m going to kill him,” Harper growled with such menace I thought she might actually mean it.

Thankfully, a cab appeared before she could, and she waved it down. Just as I was getting in it, someone shouted my name.

Not someone.

Him.

I glanced back over my shoulder to see Caleb standing outside the building, his chest heaving like he was out of breath.

“Get in.” Harper practically pushed me into the cab. Then she yelled, “Burn in hell, dickwad!” before sliding into the cab beside me. “Mount Vernon Street. Now,” she ordered the driver.

He pulled away and I kept my eyes straight ahead, determined not to look back.

“He’s a liar and a coward, Ava.” Harper wrapped her arms around me as she spoke. “He loves you, I know it. But he doesn’t deserve you. A man who knows what you’ve been through, who knows what saying that to you would do to you, doesn’t deserve you. He chose to protect himself over protecting you and that is not okay. Do you understand? It’s not okay and you need to let him go.”

I nodded, feeling so dazed, it was a little like being drugged. I think I might have been in shock. “You’re right.”

“You are the smartest, bravest, kindest, funniest woman I know. No one can take that from you.” She gripped my hand tight. “You told me you were afraid I’d lose myself after what Vince did, and I’m trying really hard not to. And now you have to do the same. You can’t let Caleb shatter all the pieces of yourself you put back together after Nick and Gemma’s betrayal. Okay?”

I glanced up from our hands to hold her gaze. “Okay.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” I took strength from her strength.

“We have each other. That’s more than some people ever get.”

“Damn straight.”

Our eyes were mirrors, reflecting back pain that we were determined to obliterate with our silent solidarity and gratitude for each other.

Twenty-eight

Caleb called.

Five minutes after the cab pulled away, my phone rang. Harper saw the gut-punch look on my face and promptly took the phone from me and blocked Caleb’s number. She then proceeded to give the cabdriver her address, in case the Scot decided to pay me an immediate visit.

I felt exhausted as we climbed the stairs to Harper’s place. My limbs were heavy, my eyes felt swollen, and all of my insides felt like they’d just suffered through an internal earthquake. It almost felt like the time when I was fifteen in the car with my mother when someone slammed into us in an intersection. For a while afterward my body still shook from the impact. That’s how I felt now.

My phone rang again in my purse and Harper shook her head at my wide-eyed look of panic. “It can’t be,” she said. “I blocked him.”

Fumbling for my phone, I winced when I saw it was Stella. I was not in the mood to take a work call, but I was also incapable of ignoring calls from my boss. “Stella?” I said, hoping I sounded normal.

“Emergency,” Stella clipped. “Gabe is supposed to be going to New York this weekend to get the specs on that Fifth Avenue penthouse he’s been bragging about.”

I liked Gabe. But he was a bragger and, yes, he had not shut up about that penthouse for the last week, not just because it was on Fifth Avenue, but because it was owned by a famous actress. “Okay?”

“He has the flu. And did not tell me but proceeded to get ready to leave for New York only to faint at the top of a flight of stairs in his apartment building. Now he’s in the hospital and his fiancée is blaming me for putting too much pressure on him.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said immediately. “And is he okay?”

“He has a concussion, and of course the flu. As sorry as I am for that, if he’d just told me, he would not currently be hospitalized and I would not be panicking about losing this client. A Hollywood A-lister, Ava. We haven’t had one of those in a while. If she likes what we do, she will tell her friends.”

Realization hit me and my exhaustion actually doubled. “You want me to go to New York.”

“Yes. First swing by the office. I’m here and have all of Gabe’s notes, so you’re going in prepared.”

“I’ll be right there.”

We hung up and I stared dully at Harper, who was scowling. “Guess I’m going to New York.”

My friend’s hands flew to her hips. “You just had your heart broken. You should have told her that.”