The Last Anniversary

‘I just can’t get over it,’ says Enigma. ‘Last night I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about it.’

Another obsessive woman! Enigma is still sulking over the fact that Margie will be out on the night of the Anniversary. That girl latches on to things like a pit-bull terrier.

‘I’ll be back by midnight, Mum,’ says Margie. ‘Just like Cinderella.’

‘You shouldn’t be going at all,’ mutters Enigma.

Rose picks up another egg from the carton and observes Margie’s new slimline figure. ‘Margie,’ she says thoughtfully.

‘You’re looking so pretty today. So slim!’

‘Hmmph!’ says Enigma, but Margie looks pink and pleased.

‘Thank you, Aunt Rose. Guess what! Ron finally noticed that I’d lost weight! But he was very strange about it. He actually asked me if I was having an affair last night. He sounded a bit insecure!’

‘And are you?’ asks Rose with interest. Margie does seem a lot more confident these days. Someone has been putting that colour back in her cheeks!

Margie frowns down at her mixing bowl. ‘Not exactly.’

Enigma throws down her sieve with a puff of flour. ‘How can you “not exactly” be having an affair! I certainly hope you’re not! I never got to have an affair, did I? I would have quite liked to have one at times too!’

‘Oh, Mum, how can you say that? Dad was a wonderful husband.’

‘He might have been a wonderful father to you, Margie, but you weren’t married to him, so you have no idea if he was a wonderful husband. At times I was bored silly. But did I rush out having affairs? No! I made myself a nice sherry, bought a new Mills and Boon and put up with it.’

Margie rolls her eyes at Rose. ‘Listen to Mother Theresa.’

Enigma snaps. ‘I suppose that’s meant to be what you lot call witty, eh? Do you see me laughing? No, you don’t.’

The oven timer goes off and Margie puts down the beaters and goes to take out four marble cakes and put in four more.

‘Aunt Connie would be pleased. We’ve sold out of tickets to the Anniversary even earlier than last year,’ she comments. Obviously, she is not going to say anything more about the ‘not exactly’ affair, thinks Rose. She will have to ask her another time.

‘You know,’ says Rose, ‘I was thinking that we should make this our last ever Anniversary celebration.’

Margie and Enigma both stop what they’re doing and turn to stare at her, thunderstruck.

‘It’s just so much effort, isn’t it,’ she says. ‘It’s not like we need to make any more money.’

‘Connie would just die!’ says Enigma.

Rose and Margie exchange amused glances.

‘Oh, I know she’s already dead!’ cries Enigma. ‘I had noticed that, actually! I had noticed that everything is falling to pieces and everybody wants to change everything now she’s dead.’

Her face is working, ready to cry.

‘I’m just raising the idea,’ says Rose soothingly. ‘I just sometimes think we don’t need to make any more money from Alice and Jack. I just think perhaps it’s time to give it a rest.’

‘It’s a family tradition!’ cries Enigma.

‘It’s a family business,’ says Rose. ‘A profitable family business.’

‘Well, we should keep it profitable for the children. I knew you were losing your marbles, Rose. We should take you to a doctor and ask him for a prescription for Alzheimer’s.’

‘The children don’t even care about the business,’ says Rose.

‘Grace is busy with the baby and her Gublet books, Thomas doesn’t even like coming to the island, and Veronika–’

‘Veronika is writing a book about Alice and Jack!’ says Enigma triumphantly. ‘She’s very interested. She wants to come and talk to me with a tape recorder. She even wanted to hypnotise me.’

‘Yes, and that’s going to be a problem, isn’t it. What are you going to say to her?’

‘Oh, I’ll waffle on!’

‘Yes, but we can’t let poor Veronika write a book of waffle, can we. That’s not fair. I think we should just tell them all the truth. Just sit them down one day and tell them all! I nearly told Sophie the other day.’

‘Rose!’

‘I can’t help it. All of a sudden I’m just tired of keeping it a secret. Let’s just tell them all. I don’t want them to hear it after I die.’

‘Not till they’re forty,’ says Enigma stubbornly. ‘That’s the rule. I had to wait till I was forty, and I’m what you could call the star of the story!’

‘Speaking of Veronika and her book,’ says Margie. ‘I forgot to tell you that she’s been placing ads asking for anyone with information relating to Alice and Jack to come forward. Well, apparently she’s been getting a few responses.’

‘Kooks!’ says Enigma. ‘Veronika is a naughty girl. She shouldn’t have done that. All the kooks will be coming out of the woodwork! Remember the time that psychic wrote us that weirdo letter telling us she’d dreamed that Alice’s body was “somewhere mossy”? Connie laughed so much that Jimmy had to get her a glass of water.’

‘Yes, well, one of the kooks says he’s going to come to the Anniversary Night and give Veronika this information in person.’

Enigma chortles. ‘Well, that should be good for a laugh.’

‘Mmmm,’ says Margie. ‘Apparently he insinuated on the phone that he was related to Alice and Jack in some way and that he might therefore be entitled to some sort of “compensation” for all the money we’ve made from the story. Veronika says he sounded a bit creepy.’

‘Well, just let him try, eh!’ says Enigma.

‘What if the only way to disprove this fellow is by actually telling the truth?’ asks Rose.

‘Oh, well, as long as he’s forty,’ says Margie dryly. ‘That’s the rule.’

‘The skinnier you get, the cheekier you get,’ says Enigma.

‘If this chap turns up, we’ll get Connie’s solicitor onto him. Ian! He’s a clever boy. He’ll soon set him straight.’

‘Ian doesn’t know the truth.’