My heart feels heavy at my words, but if she doesn’t want this, then there’s no point in trying.
Still, deep down I feel like she wants the same thing I do, but maybe her fears are holding her back, her fears about who I am.
I need to hear the words from her, though. To hear her tell me what she’s thinking, how she’s feeling about me.
Tessa brushes the back of her hand over her eyes, wiping away her tears. When she looks up at me, I see conflicted emotions crossing her features. She’s silent for a moment, eyes searching mine, seemingly taken aback by my words.
Is she trying to decide if I’m bullshitting her? What’s going through that pretty head of yours, Tessa? Open up to me. Tell me.
She looks like she’s about to burst with the obvious emotions simmering away under the surface. I long for her to speak, to let it out. I figure whatever it is, it’s best we talk about it, rather than holding it back. I know we can fix this. I just need her to tell me how.
She looks up into my eyes, her mouth open, looking unsure as to what to say. She looks around the room for a second before returning her eyes to mine. A hard gust of exhalation.
“It’s . . . it’s all those women, Luke,” She blurts out, a manic look in her eyes. “I’ve seen TMZ, the procession of bimbo models on your arm, you parading them around like trophies.”
I sit back, a little stunned, but decide to let her continue, to vent her frustrations.
“I’ve seen how it’s a new woman almost every other week. How do you think that makes me feel? I just . . . I don’t want to come to depend on you, only for you to walk out on me when I need you.” Tessa pauses to wipe a tear from her face, eyes searching mine for a response.
“Tessa, listen to me. That was all in the past. Before I met you. And do you think those photographers or paparazzi care about the truth, anyway? Some of those pictures were months old, regurgitated just to make a quick buck.
“Those guys, they don’t know me. They make stories up about me, about my life. They try to make me look like playboy, that’s the image they try and push. But that’s not me.”
I squeeze her hand, my expression serious and genuine. I want her… need her to believe me.
“They don’t know me, Tessa,” I repeat like a mantra. “But you do. You know me. I’ve only ever been honest with you. I want you to know that. What’s happened in the past, that doesn’t matter anymore. I want this to be about me and you. Nothing else.”
She looks down at my hand on hers and turns it around so our palms are touching. She gives me a big squeeze before letting out a sob, bravely smiling through her tears.
I can’t take it anymore. I need to comfort her, stop that endless flow of tears from her eyes. Pulling her suddenly toward me in a tight embrace, I rub the small of her back and stroke her hair.
“I’m crazy about you, Tessa. I have been ever since I laid eyes on you in the casino bar in Vegas. I promise you nothing has changed since then. If anything, my feelings for you have deepened.” My voice is low and gentle, trying to comfort her as best I can with my words.
“I’m scared, Luke,” she manages to say through her tears, voice muffled, her face tight against the muscles of my chest. “I’m scared you’ll get bored and move on, like you did . . . like I thought you did, with all those models. I don’t want to be discarded so you can find a newer, prettier woman. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a model.”
A wry laugh escapes her lips between her sobbing, and I can’t help but smile. A sense of humor, at a moment like this. How can I not love this woman?
“You’re crazy if you don’t see how beautiful you are. And you’re crazy if you think I’d ever leave you.” I shake my head at her words.
I stroke her hair gently, distracted by her scent, her proximity. I want this drama to be over, to be happy with her. But I know I need to ease her fears.
“I didn’t want my baby to have an absent father,” Tessa continues. “I wanted him or her to have a role model, a strong character they could look up to. Not one who would leave at the first sign of trouble and abandon us.”
Her harsh words send shockwaves through me. She thought I’d do that?
But this—falling for someone—is terrifying. The scariest thing I’ve ever gone through. So maybe it’s perfectly natural that her mind has been running wild. The hormones coursing through her body probably haven’t helped too.