“So you think telling me what a piece of shit I am after I ran into my ex and her new boyfriend is the best way to treat your best friend? I thought we could go out, have fun, like old times. But all of a sudden you think you need to be my dad and tell me how to act.”
“No. I’m saying if you don’t turn it around, you will be like your dad,” I said.
Invoking his dad, who was never the best, would touch a nerve for better or worse. He was either going to hear me or take a swing at me. I was willing to take a bloody nose if it meant I could get through to him.
“Do not talk about my dad,” he said, his voice a warning.
“Remember when we were juniors in high school, and my dog got ran over? We cut school, and you took me fishing. Even though you hate water and mud and worms. You did that to make me feel better because you cared about my feelings and my grief. The guy who did that, the guy who mowed his grandma’s grass every week even during midterms—you’re that guy. You’re not this guy, the guy that sits around bitching about his ex-wife’s eating habits and beating his chest about money and promotions. You have more character than that, and I miss that side of you.”
“Have you been watching the Hallmark Channel, because this crap is getting old. I’m not a pansy. I’m not sensitive. I’m a man, a real one. I have the paycheck and the corner office to prove it.”
“A real man doesn’t have anything to prove,” I said, my voice low.
“So if you feel bad comparing yourself to me, maybe you need to make different choices so you don’t end up running a bar at seventy like your old man,” he said.
“We all make our choices, Ry. I hate to think this is who you want to be.”
“I don’t know how to be! Everything was in order; everything was the way it was supposed to be. She pulled the rug out from under me. So what do I do? I look like an idiot. My wife cheated on me with that gym rat deputy. Like I wasn’t good enough. So what do I do?” he asked again, sounding anguished. Part of me was embarrassed for him, acting like this in public. The rest of me wanted to tell him to snap out of it and quit wallowing.
“What you don’t do is give her the power to make you look like a fool. When you go around town talking about them and cussing and drinking, it seems like that’s all you think about. It gives her too much power. So you saw her, and she had cheap coffee—so what? Are you gonna let a 99-cent cup of coffee ruin your day when you’re a project manager at the bank, living the dream?” I said encouragingly.
“You don’t get it, man,” he said, shaking his head.
I sighed. I’d had enough. He wasn’t willing to listen, and I wasn’t going to watch him make an ass of himself any longer.
“No, I guess I don’t. Call a cab okay, I’m heading out.” I threw a tip down on the table and walked out.
On the way home, I wondered if I was being too hard on him. He was going through a rough time. Maybe I was being tougher on him because I thought he was unfair to Sarah Jo. Then I reminded myself that Sarah Jo had nothing to do with me. That she was Ryan’s sister, and that’s all she’d ever be in relation to me. So there would be no more asking her to go for a walk or taking her hot cocoa and giving her a hug. She had Ryan for that kind of thing, for support. She didn’t need me, and I sure as hell didn’t need more drama with Ryan. He was already imploding, and if I got mixed up with his sister, there was no telling what he’d do or say. He really believed everyone was unfair to him, that he was a victim. I had to be the friend who got him to get his head out of his ass before he ruined the rest of his life.
And focus less on myself and what I wanted that I couldn’t ever have.
7
Sarah Jo
Well, that was a bad idea.
I came home at lunch to go over some lumberyard orders with Dad. They were perfectly fine. I just wanted him to feel involved because he’d been so down lately. I thought it would be a pick me up for him, get him to show some interest in work. Or, it could backfire. I should have known.
“I just wish Ryan would take over the lumberyard. There’s no way you can keep all of this straight, honey,” Dad said sadly. “It was so brave of you to take it on, but I knew when you wanted to try that it was a mistake. Look at you, hustling home at lunch to see if I can check your work, just like I used to have to go over your math homework with you.”