I felt like I should curtsey or take a bow or something, but instead, I just nodded to Luke’s parents. I wanted to make a grand, sweeping exit, but my mama brought me up better than that. So I cleared the plates and took them to the kitchen. Mrs. Maddox told me not to worry about it, but I was with Luke, and it was Luke’s party. He would never have left them with the cleanup. The least I could do was run some soapy dishwater for the soup bowls and glasses. I gathered silverware while Luke’s mom took up glasses and bread plates. Together we loaded the big dishwasher in silence. I wanted to apologize for Ryan, but there didn’t seem to be words to begin that speech. So I rinsed and loaded plates and silverware while she put the glasses in to soak. I was drying off my hands with a dish towel when Mrs. Maddox put her hand on my arm.
“I used to go to Ladies Club at the church with your mama. She always raised the prettiest daffodils. But I can believe standing here that the best thing she raised was you. I want my son to be happy, Sarah Jo. He’s the most loyal, hardest working boy I ever knew, and he’ll be a good husband to you. Don’t look so surprised. You can’t think he doesn’t mean to marry you after all this. That boy hasn’t had on a jacket and tie in I can’t tell you when. And I’ll tell you one more thing if you won’t repeat it to my husband. I want some grandbabies to rock. And I don’t give a damn what side of the blanket they’re born on. If you were pregnant, I’d start knitting booties and brag to all my friends that I was gonna have the prettiest little granddaughter they ever saw. I’ll consider it my privilege, Sarah Jo, to love your babies twice as much because your mama can’t be here to rock them herself.”
Her hand was on my arm, but I couldn’t see it, my eyes swimming with tears. I swallowed hard, once and then twice, but I couldn’t speak. Finally, I just hugged her. She rubbed my back while I cried. It just made me cry harder, because my mama always did that, rubbed my back in little circles when I was sad. Was that something all mothers did? Would I do that natural as could be when we had a baby? A baby. With Luke Maddox. I’ll be damned if that didn’t sound better than any idea I ever heard.
Finally, I pulled back and wiped my face with the dishtowel, the damp material coming away smeared with mascara. I swiped under my eyes as best I could and cleared my throat. “Thank you, Mrs. Maddox,” I managed to croak out.
“Call me Lucy,” she said with a smile. Funny, but I’d never wondered where Luke got his personality from, that loving, protective nature. Then I was looking her in the eyes, and I knew it didn’t come from his daddy’s side.
I started putting spoons in the dishwasher. Then I heard the scanner from the office. I put down the bundle of soapy, dripping silverware on the cabinet in a puddle and went to the office to listen.
The dispatcher was upgrading an automobile fire in Pendleton to include a spread to nearby warehouse storage on the waterfront. The St. Joliffe fire department was being called in to assist from over the county line because they needed more help. Everybody knew that there were drugs down on the waterfront. I shut my eyes and tried not to remember every damn scene of Backdraft—that fireman movie that scared the crap out of me when Ryan and Luke watched it over and over as kids. I shook my head to clear the memory. Fear was bitter in my mouth as I turned to go. I loaded my dad into the car, ignoring his remarks about poor Ryan. I dropped him off at home and went in long enough to get him his evening meds and a glass of water.
“Where are you in such a hurry to go?”
“I’m going to wait for Luke.”
“You’re not going to that fire, are you?” he fretted.
“No. That would be stupid, and I’d be in the way. I’m going to wait for him at his house.”
“You intend to stay there?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Then you don’t need to bother coming back here. It’s one thing you wantin’ to date the boy, but stayin’ over before you’re proper married is against God and against me.” His jaw was set, his eyes narrow and mean.
I’d spent months catering to him, gave up my whole life to try and help him, and I was never gonna be good enough. I stared him right in the eyes and prayed a quick apology to my mama. She would’ve wanted the family to stay together, for me to help my dad and my brother fix all their troubles. But I had tried to fill her shoes, and they didn’t fit me. So I figured if I couldn’t live her life for her, I could at least go on and live mine.