Accidental Shield

I follow a safe distance behind, paying close attention to every word my mother says, in case I need to jump in and interrupt.

No, not in case. When.

I also make a mental note to ask my man who’s watching the gate why he didn’t warn me Ma was coming. Patting my pockets, I find my phone and see the text.

Damn. He’d warned me eight minutes ago. Guess I didn’t hear it with the weed trimmer going.

Hardly surprising.

A bitter part of my brain still blocks out certain sounds. Anything too close to a power drill.

It’s how I survived. There was a time when a blender at a bar would send me over the edge, racing out of my seat like I’d spotted a polar bear.

That’s one reason I did most of the building on this joint.

I forced myself to use every power tool in the book to prove I had control. They’re just things. They can’t fucking hurt me in my own hands.

The first few days were pure hell, very stop and go. But slowly, surely, I regained total mastery of the sound of the tool Cornaro used to torture me, to make me fail, to let her die.

I glance at the message again. Eight minutes.

Eight minutes alone with the kid.

Hell, what had Ma already gotten out of Bryce before we’d shown up? I’ll tell her the truth when this is over, of course, but right now, I don’t need her questions or her empathy.

I damn sure don’t need the guilt trip if she finds out what’s up. I promised her my ‘dangerous days’ were over after Damysus. I disbanded the firm for Bryce’s sake and hers.

And mine, but that’s not the point.

If anything happened to me, she’d have to raise Bryce. She’d do a fine job, sure, but she’d already raised me. It wasn’t fair risking her having to do it again.

We’re in the dining room when Bryce runs downstairs, complete with his backpack. Since Ma and Val are talking about the flowers she’d picked and put in a vase, I meet Bryce in the living room.

“Got everything?”

“Sure do. I’m gonna give Louie a call and see if he wants to come,” Bryce says, already pulling out his phone.

Lowering my voice, I lean close to his ear and say, “Listen. Grandma doesn’t need to know about Val’s amnesia. Keep that to yourself.”

“Yeahhh, I know,” Bryce tells me, a wry smile on his lips. “She’ll flip out if she finds out you’re working with the Damysus dudes again.”

“I’m not. Not technically,” I say, hating how harsh it comes out. I soften my tone. “I’m just helping a friend.”

He nods. “I get it, Dad. I’ve got your back.”

Damn.

Fresh guilt pools in my stomach, pure acid to my soul.

I hate how many people I’m involving in this. How many lies I’m asking them to live. How this shit just doesn’t stop, even after the fake marriage lie with Val became history.

Speaking of Val…turning, she’s right there behind us, still talking to Ma in low whispers. And I see the look on her face as my mother tears into the past and hands her my beating fucking heart.

Just like that, my ragey guilt turns into dread.

11

Old Confessions (Valerie)

I keep a smile on my face as we say bye to Bryce and Beverly, but I can’t stop the words she’d said from repeating in my head.

“Be patient with him,” Beverly whispered. “He doesn’t admit it, but Brina hurt him horribly. He’s just as scarred on the inside as his skin, after what that evil man did…”

There’s so much I don’t know, don’t remember, but I have to know more about this.

I wait until after they drive through the gate and we walk back inside.

“Your mom’s a lovely lady,” I say, searching for a way to my questions.

He closes the door and gives me a guarded look, his blue eyes flashing. “What’d she say to you, Val? For a second, it looked like you swallowed a toad.”

“Oh, uh, just something I wondered.” Dancing around a straight answer, I ask, “Was Bryce’s mother’s name Brina?”

“Yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair, clearly uncomfortable.

“Did you love her?” It just falls out. I’m still trying to process what Beverly said.

He lets out a long, slow sigh. “I should have. We made Bryce together, but…where the fuck do I begin?” He shrugs.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to dredge up bad memories,” I whisper. “It’s none of my business.”

“It’s fine. We’d known each other before I went into the service and hooked up when I was home on leave. Sometimes kids come when you’re not expecting them. Bryce was born while I was overseas, and I asked her to marry me. When I got out, after my old man died, I realized everything she’d told me was pure bullshit. And she had a bad habit of running herself into the ground, fucking around on me behind my back, drinking half the day. So I called off the wedding, and started proceedings to get full custody. She just fucking lied.”