Accidental Shield

“Burners, babe. He stocked up on cheap, disposable phones to stay in contact with Cornaro assets without leaving a trace,” he says.

I sigh. “Gerards aren’t good people, Flint. And you know what they say about birds of a feather…”

He’s looking at me oddly, almost like he’s confused.

I’m definitely not.

I’m finally seeing the blinding truth. It’s sickening.

Flint takes a step back, still eyeing me, something tugging at his lips.

“Do I repulse you?” I ask.

“Repulse me?” Something flashes in his eyes. Anger. Shock, maybe. “Val, what the fuck?”

“I should,” I say, “because I repulse myself.”

I’m breaking down, too numb to feel anything except my lungs hitching, the tears in my eyes burning so hot.

I can’t be here.

He reaches out to grab me, but I tear myself away, running for the house.

14

Prized Bird (Flint)

Val can’t go anywhere, but still I follow, stunned at why the hell she thinks she repulses me.

Is she really that blind? The incessant ache in my blood for this woman couldn’t be further from pure fucking revulsion.

This has to be the amnesia shit, an acid torture eating away at her from the inside.

There’s no good reason she ought to be repulsed by who she is.

She had no say over her old man reaching into a cookie jar with teeth, and then her fuckwit brother digging deeper, until he got bit.

I catch up with her on the lanai. “What’s wrong? Talk to me. Is there more?”

She spins around, throwing her arms in the air. I grab her by the wrists, pull her in, and lock my arms tight so she stops flailing.

“More? Jesus, I hope not!” Tears stream down her face. “I hate the girl I was. I wish I hadn’t remembered anything, Flint. W-wish that stupid amnesia was permanent.”

“Bull. You can’t mean that,” I growl, pushing my forehead to hers. “Stop it, baby. Breathe for me. You’re only thinking about the bad shit right now. You’ve got a lot to cry over, but it’s no reason to hate yourself. Never.”

“But I do mean it…” She covers her face with both hands, untangling from me. “There’s nothing redeemable. It’s not just those men, or Ray, it’s…it’s everything. I’ve lived a crappy life. I’ve been a brat. It’s pathetic!”

Nope. She’s still not talking sense.

That’s a mighty big problem.

I move like lightning, grasping her wrists again, pulling her hands away from her face. I have to make her see. She couldn’t be more wrong.

There’s fuck-nothing repulsive here.

When I look at this woman, I see a chick who’s talented, kind, and just as hellbent on doing better as she is knockout gorgeous. Her beauty’s only rivaled by her will.

I see a chick who’s determined to un-fuck herself, to let that pretty light of her soul laser through this suffocating darkness. That’s her obsession, when she’s not running her mouth with nonsense, and it’s so sexy it hurts.

Hell, maybe I even see my self-destruction in the next kiss.

The one that’s coming, however hard I fight, but damn it straight to hell.

Maybe I’m done running from who I was, too. A man who shut himself off from a human connection with a woman for years because I fought too hard to avoid the darkness instead of confronting it head-on.

“Just let me go,” she whimpers, twisting in my arms.

“No. Not till you’re ready to listen,” I growl. “Give me ten seconds, Val. Look me in the goddamn eye.”

I should’ve seen it sooner, her turmoil tangled up in mine.

No, I couldn’t admit how hard it’s been, pushing her away. I didn’t want to dwell.

So I wait for those big gold eyes to fully connect with mine before I give her a big fat dose of real talk.

“There’s nothing bad about you, honey. Not a single thing. You’re human. You’ve got scars and shit to deal with, same as everybody else, but I don’t believe you ever set out to hurt anybody. No fucking way did you ever set yourself up for this mess. Stop blaming yourself for the crap hand you were dealt.”

“But my entire life, I just…I don’t even have any friends, Flint. Not real friends. When I log into my stuff, there’s nobody messaging me, nobody checking up, no old friends coming by to say ‘hey, let’s catch up.’ People hate me.”

“Wrong.” I brush a finger across her cheek, wiping away a tear. “I don’t believe it.”

“I do, because I remember. It’s staring me right in the face.” She glances at Savanny, sitting on the lounger next to us, his whiskers twitching. “He’s all I’ve ever had.”

“Not anymore, babe. You’ve got me. You’ve got Bryce. Whatever else happens next, that won’t change.”

“Do I even deserve it?” she stammers, her lips trembling. “You don’t get it. My father spoiled me, Flint, just like my mother said. I never had to lift a finger. Life was easy and blind. If I asked for something, I got it. Even an illegal cat. I never questioned anything, and when I finally did, it was too freaking late. I didn’t care where things came from, or how much they cost, or—”