Instead, I kissed her. And then I fucked her. In her office. Right there on her desk with the rest of the complex going on like business as usual. In all the years I’d worked at the complex, that wasn’t even something that crossed my mind.
Shit. If Mom found out, she was going to castrate me.
Mom knew this was my company, and she respected me as the head of it. She’d watched me build it and was extremely proud of me for what I’d accomplished. But in her heart, this was still in so many ways my father’s company. He never wanted it to be big like I did. It was just something small he carried on after sharing a love of racing his own father. But I knew how much she respected the business and how sacred she thought every inch of the complex was. If she knew not only that I’d had sex in one of the offices, but that it was with an employee and during business hours, she would never get over it. That would push her right over the edge.
I had to fix this. Somehow, I had to deal with what happened and get us back to that reset button so we could move forward. But it was obvious I couldn’t do it in person. I had developed a very strong taste for Merry that I apparently had no capacity to resist. Just being in the same space with her made me completely lose control of myself. My mind stopped working clearly, and my body took over. That meant going to her office again to try to talk this out was just a really bad idea. The last thing I needed right then was to stroll back in there with all the intention in the world of apologizing and clearing the air again, only to go for round two.
An email was seriously my only option at that point. I pulled one up and stared at the blank white box for a long time trying to figure out the exact words. I typed out several messages only to erase them and go back to staring. For someone who sent dozens of emails on a normal day, this was really freaking difficult. Of course, this was the first time I’d ever had to send this particular style of email. Some of the messages seemed way too long and complex, turning the situation into something bigger and more dramatic than I needed to make it. Others were too curt and short, sounding dismissive and possibly even cruel. There had to be some sort of happy medium.
Finally, I settled on a message that was basic and straightforward, but hopefully not too cold. In it, I apologized for letting myself get carried away and not stopping myself. Then I promised I would stay out of her way at all times unless it was strictly necessary for work, and reiterated she was definitely not going to lose her job. It still felt strange and not exactly right, but I couldn’t keep letting myself go over it and over it. If I did, I would spend the entire day trying to make it perfect. That just wasn’t an option. I needed to send it and be done with it. Before I could second-guess myself again, I pressed Send, then settled into the uncomfortable period of waiting for a response.
If one came. It was entirely possible she would just read the email, delete it, and go about her life pretending like nothing happened and never acknowledge it. I didn’t know if that would be better or worse than getting something back from her. When a response popped into my inbox, I felt my chest tighten. But it was only one line.
“I won’t tell if you don’t.”
That was enough. It wasn’t emotional or personal, but it also didn’t feel like blackmail, so I was okay with that.
For the rest of the day, I did exactly what I’d promised in the email and steered absolutely clear of Merry. We didn’t have one of our meetings scheduled until the end of the week. That seemed like an oversight at the beginning of that day, but now it was a blessing. We would have a couple of days to let everything settle down, and then we could attempt the whole “normal” thing. In the afternoon, I headed down to the practice track and watched Darren do laps for a while. He pushed his bike to its new limits, testing out the modifications made since the last race.
After a while, Greg joined him and they went around in circles, chasing each other, battling for position. It was exciting to watch, but also a little nerve-racking. The reality of having two riders in the race was stronger now that we were approaching the second race. It was a novelty for the first one of the season. We’d never had two riders in a race, and it was a thrill thinking about going after two positions. Then it felt like it was the two of them against the rest of the teams. That had changed this week. Now it felt like the two of them were against each other, and that put new pressure on both, and on the whole team. But I welcomed it. At least it was something to think about other than how much I wanted to have Merry over and over again.