Mom called to talk about her idea of renting a huge beach house for all of us to share for a couple of weeks toward the end of summer, and I immediately envisioned Merry stretched out in the sand beside me. I stumbled on an inexplicable marathon of Christmas movies during a late-night weekend movie binge, and instantly I could see Merry and me at my annual Christmas party, cuddling in the lights of the tree and sneaking as many trips under the mistletoe as we could.
I wanted her as part of my life. Not just now, but into the future. I could see us together, building something incredible. But something held me back. I still felt like keeping her at a distance, allowing her to maintain her space as much as she wanted, was still a good plan. It was what I promised her and what she agreed to. I figured if anything changed, she would let me know. That meant I still hung on to my hope. If there was even a hint of a chance that one day she would forgive me, I would hang on to that hope and keep going. It gave me a boost every time I saw her walking around the complex or sitting under her tree having lunch or reading.
That’s what I’d come to think of it as. Merry’s tree. I don’t know if I’d ever actually noticed that tree before she came to work at the company. Of course, I knew it was there. But I just didn’t pay a lot of attention to it. Now I noticed it every time I walked out of the building. My eyes immediately went to it, and I searched the area around its thick trunk to see if she was sitting there. Some days she had files and papers spread out around her and her tablet propped against her thighs. Other times she was sitting on a blanket eating her lunch either with her brother or while reading a book. Sometimes she was just leaned against the tree, her face turned up into the sunlight as she took a few minutes for herself in her busy day.
A week after getting Rosie, she had officially stolen the hearts of everyone at work. The entire crew was completely obsessed with her, and I had to bring her around to let her to see everybody at the start of my day. First thing in the morning, I brought her to each of the offices to visit with everybody, let her spend some time snuggling with Mom while I got my coffee, ate breakfast, or handled some phone calls. Then I reclaimed what she affectionately referred to as her grand-dog and brought her into my office. She had her own bed and an assortment of toys that kept her busy, but her favorite time of day was lunch.
When the middle of the day hit, I took my food and brought her out to run around by the pond. She loved to splash the edge of the water and jump up to try to catch the bugs that fluttered up from the surface. When I was done eating, our tour of visitation brought us to the garages where she was lavished with more attention from the crew. That day, I spent some time with Darren and Dad, then put Rosie on her leash for my daily determined attempt to make her walk like a normal dog.
She was actually doing better, and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel where she would finally accept her occasional need to wear her leash. We were heading back up to the office, and I glanced over at Merry’s tree. She hadn’t been there when we first left for lunch, but now she was. She and Brandon were eating box lunches again, and he said something that made her laugh. I wanted to just stop and listen to it for a while. Her laugh was one of the best sounds in the world. She glanced up and noticed me. I waved, and Merry grinned and smiled back.
My heart swelled in my chest. We were making progress. Maybe things would be okay.
36
Merry
Being pregnant changed everything. That seemed like an incredible understatement and a fairly stupid thing to even comment on considering being pregnant meant I was literally growing another human being inside my body. While it was still difficult sometimes to wrap my head around the idea of there actually being another person developing inside me, a person who would one day be born and go out into the world to affect other people, that was something I’d understood from the very beginning. I knew when I saw the two pink lines on the positive pregnancy test I was going to have a child. At least, the idea was starting to form in my head.