But when I saw Logan walk in tonight the pain in his expression was worse than yesterday, and I began to wonder if the fight Raul had talked about was beginning to weigh heavily on him. Did he think he might lose? I hadn’t considered Logan losing. I’d been so worried about everything else that I assumed he’d win, but he might not. What would Raul do if he lost? I’d be sold, but what would he do to Logan? I suspected Raul didn’t take failure too well from anyone. Was Logan concerned about what would happen to him? But if Logan was worried about losing that meant he wanted to keep me right?
“Come here.”
I got up and walked toward him.
He raised my head with the tip of his finger under my chin. “You can’t do that again.”
A crackle of fear went through me. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I’d been good.
His thumb stroked my lower lip back and forth, and I didn’t even think he realized he was doing it because … because he used to do that all the time to me. “Last night was wrong.” His hand dropped, and he strode to the other side of the room and stared out the window. His hands gripped the iron bars as he stood silent and still.
I knew what I had to do and there was a struggle within me whether I was doing it because I was trying to help myself or because I wanted to comfort him. I quietly approached him, stopping a few inches behind, and took a deep breath then reached out and placed my hands on his waist. “Please.” I didn’t know what I was saying please for; maybe to get him to talk to me, to turn and look at me, to hold me, God, to tell me that we were leaving.
“Let go.”
I was going to. I stiffened and was about to, but he’d said those exact words to me the night I’d met him, and I didn’t listen then. Yeah, stupid maybe, because this Logan wasn’t the same one. But maybe he was? He had friends, a band, there was a chance that the Logan I knew existed. Maybe I just had to find him and bring him back to me.
I stepped in closer, kissed his shoulder then trailed kisses down his spine.
“Emily. Don’t.”
But he let me. My hands started at his shoulders then ran down his arms until they rested on top of his hands that were gripping the bars so tight that his knuckles were white. I peeled each finger away from the bars, until he let go, his arms falling to his sides, my hands holding his.
“Are you scared of me?”
I was thrown off for a second by his question; it seemed odd to ask me that now. I answered him honestly. “Yes.”
His head dropped forward with a half-nod.
“I want to …” God, I wanted him so much it hurt. It was ripping me apart having him next to me night after night. No matter how wrong it may be, I still wanted him. Or maybe it was I wanted to believe so badly that he was still the man I loved that I would do anything. Was that weak? Was I falling prey to what he wanted? Right now I didn’t care. Tonight I wasn’t going to care about anything except Logan and me.
“Please, Logan.”
He turned. And any reservations I may have had lingering were swept aside the moment I looked in his eyes and recognized the warmth within them.
“Please. I need you.”
His hand swept into my hair, fingers curling around the nape of my neck. “You’ve never needed me, Eme.” He was wrong, but I didn’t argue because right now I wanted him to kiss me, so I stood on my tip toes and kissed him first.
The moment the heat of our lips pressed together I heard him moan. He swooped me up in his arms and carried me to the bed then placed me on the rumpled sheets. He leaned over me, both arms on either side of my head.
“You want this?”
I nodded.
“Tell me, Emily.”
“I want this. I want you.”
He stared at me for several seconds, and I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until he finally spoke again. “Then tonight, show me. Show me exactly what you want and take it.”
I nodded again, although I was feeling uncertain and nervous. My experience was, well, zilch, but Kat and I had watched pornos numerous times, laughing at the ridiculous positions and moaning, but still we’d learned a lot.
Logan slid off his jeans and his T-shirt, but left on his boxers then climbed into bed and lay on his back beside me.
He really was going to make me be the one to pursue this? “Logan.”
“You want this then it has to be you.”
“Why? I like it when …” How did I say that I was totally turned on when he was the aggressor?
Logan stroked the back of my head, and I looked up at him. “I’ll give you that. But not tonight.”
I felt the heat in my cheeks as I thought of what I was going to do to him, the sweet ache in my belly as I anticipated tasting him and watching his face while I did it.
I slipped over top of his thigh so that I lay between his legs; then I put my fingers on the material that kept his cock hidden from me. I watched his eyes as I slowly slid his boxers down. He lifted his butt a little, and then my eyes moved down his abdomen to his cock as it sprang free from its confines.
I hesitated, and my hand reached out to touch the tip, feeling the moisture. He sucked in air and I got braver as I slid his boxers off the rest of the way and then wrapped my hand around the base of his cock.
Instantly, it jerked, and Logan groaned.
God, I felt powerful. It was incredible that I could make him feel like that with just holding him.