“Okay. Thanks, Eddie. Let him up.”
“Going to shower. Say hi to Deck for me.” Kat headed down the hallway. “Oh and just so you know, Hank and I are putting the horses in the lower field today if you’re going to ride later.” Kat stopped. “Emily … maybe it’s time to, you know … find someone. Let a guy back in. If not Sculpt then someone else.” She disappeared into the washroom, and before I could even begin to contemplate her words, a knock sounded.
I turned the lock and opened the door.
Logan.
My stomach dropped hard and fast with a mixture of emotional uncertainty. Jesus, I was so screwed up whenever I saw him that my emotions didn’t know how to react. Butterflies released in every direction, some looking for escape, others fluttering with joy.
He looked Häagen-Dazs delicious in his worn out blue jeans and a gray T-shirt that set off his dark eyes. And they were dark.
What was he doing here again?
“You going to let me in?”
He was frowning and looked like he hadn’t slept, and yet still he looked irresistible. Even with that scar on his chin. I wondered where he got it from. Fighting in Mexico after I left?
“Mouse?”
Right. Let the guy in. I was so speechless that I couldn’t even think straight. I stepped out of the way, and Logan strode past me. He went directly to the island and leaned against it crossing his arms. I stood frozen in the wide-open doorway.
“You going to shut that?”
I swung the door shut and leaned back against it mirroring him. He was watching me, eyes unwavering, intense, and yes, I recognized the hint of desire in his expression.
Finally I untangled my tongue, and I only did manage it, because he was on one side of the room and I was at the farthest point away. “What are you doing here? Again.”
“Come here, Emily.”
I nearly did. It was automatic to do as he asked when he said an order like that. I had to stop myself and it felt like I was going against something inside me. No, I wasn’t his slave anymore. Besides, stepping closer to Logan had an effect on me that I needed to stay clear of. That undeniable ache between my legs was dangerous, and distance was safety. Falling for Logan again was by far the worst sort of punishment I could put myself through. I had plans, and Logan was not part of them.
“Last night … ” He paused, and for a second I thought I saw that flash of vulnerability in his eyes again. Surprising since Logan had the confidence of a bull. All he had to do was walk in a room and all eyes would deviate to him as if he was someone important. “What I should’ve said was that I love you.” My breath escaped, and I stared, mouth agape. And nothing deterred him it seemed. “I’ve never said that to anyone except my mother. Because I never loved anyone else—until you.”
Oh God. He couldn’t do this. I was prepared to handle him being angry and cold—not tell me he loves me and that he’s never said that to anyone except his mother. A mother who risked everything in order to get her son out of a horrible immoral place.
“Eme. I wish—”
I shook my head back and forth. “Sculpt—”
“Let me say this.”
My emotions were coiled tight, tied up with thoughts of Logan and when we first met. Thoughts of how when he looked at me—he really looked and saw me. His presence reminded me of how he said he’d hire a plane with a banner saying how beautiful I was to fly by my window. He’d said I needed to be told often after all that shit my mother put in my head. Had that been real? Had any of it? I was constantly fighting the memories of the two months we’d spent together to be overshadowed by the fifteen days of hell. Even with Logan telling me the truth, I was having trouble trusting that our time together had been real.
“Emily.” His tone was hard and inflexible, and for a second I felt that flicker of tremor skip across my insides, but then just as quick as it came, it was gone again. “I wish more than anything I could’ve been here for you over the last two years. Helped you. Told you the truth. Jesus, sometimes I wish I never agreed to teach you self-defence. But then … then I’d have never fallen in love with you.
“Baby, you’re the one who gave me the strength to survive Raul. It has always been you. It will always be you. Emily …you’re my trophy. And I lost you.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I can’t lose you again. I have to do whatever it takes to win you back.”
“And you never lose.” I whispered more to myself then him.
He remained quiet.
I straightened my back and raised my chin, fighting against the urge to back down after hearing the most touching words I think I ever heard coming from Logan. My insides were churning and I was having trouble controlling my tears.
But I’d fought hard for two years to regain my confidence and like one of my rescue horses, I finally had some dignity again and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t let him in.
A knock on the door had me jumping away from it, and I looked from the door back to Logan. Eddie the doorman must have recognized Deck and sent him up. I was thankful and yet in some masochistic way disappointed at our interruption.
Logan watched me, and I nervously licked my lips under his gaze. His eyes followed the subtle action, and I quickly slammed my mouth shut then rubbed my arms as the shivers coursed through me.
Logan managed to erase every thought except for him and pulled me into a place I had no intention to ever go again. I was going to have my own farm, my business, and help save the horses that needed me. I’d never submit to another man again and be that weak.