“I’m sorry,” I said. “And tell him I’m sorry too.”
I tried to move around him again, but Carter reached out and grabbed onto my arm, stopping me.
“Oh, no. You’re not getting off that easy. You’re not just going to tell me to tell Jayson you’re sorry and then disappear again. You pulled that shit once. It’s not happening this time. I’m bringing you into Jayson so you can answer for yourself,” Carter said.
He started to drag me down the corridor toward what I was assuming was the door to the band’s green room. In a moment of panic, I kicked out and caught Carter right in the shin. He grimaced and let go of me. The distraction was just enough for me to slip away and run to the parking lot. I didn’t stop until I got to my car and took off. I was afraid to see Jayson, worried about what Carter would tell him.
It was stupid of me to go to the concert. I should have stayed home. I felt like such an idiot.
27
Jayson
Even after being on tour for so many months, finishing up a set and listening to the audience roar and cheer was a special kind of high. It started building even before we walked out on stage and kept getting stronger as we played. It was our job to warm up the crowd, to get them going so they were ready for The Monsters. We did our job well. We walked out on stage to an audience that was feeling edgy, cold, and anxious. They wanted the show. They wanted to lose themselves in the music and have fun. So we whipped them up and got them having fun before the headliners came in for the main event.
The whole process sent a rush of adrenaline through me. These days, it was the closest thing I had to feeling happy. Any sense of real happiness was a thing of the past, but at least when I was up on stage and heard people cheering and singing, I felt like I could get out of myself and focus on something else. This tour was the only thing I had going for me in life, so I wanted to give everything to it. I poured myself out to every show and tried to make the experience as good as possible for the people who filled the seats.
That was why even after our set was over and the headlining band took the stage, I didn’t head immediately into the green room the way the rest of the band did. They wanted to kick back and relax, and even take advantage of the spoils of the tour. That changed somewhat depending on our location, but it usually consisted of food, alcohol, and women. There was always an abundance of all of them, offered up to us to enjoy after our shows. The other guys, particularly Mark and Carter, took advantage of these offerings as much as they possibly could. But not me. As soon as we finished playing, I went backstage and put myself in the prime position to watch the rest of the show.
Having the vantage point of being backstage didn’t just give me the opportunity to listen to the music and enjoy the performance in front of me. I saw it as a learning opportunity, the chance to elevate my performance quality at every show. There was a reason The Monsters were already popular, and their popularity was growing with every show. I wanted the type of star quality they had and the ability to fill arenas like they did. That meant watching their performances and trying to pick up hints on how to improve how I played, how I interacted with the audience, and anything else I could discover.
It was working. I could already tell a difference between the way I performed at the beginning of the tour and now. The third song of the headlining set was just getting good when I felt someone come up behind me. I looked to my side and saw Carter. There was something urgent in his eyes, and he leaned close to my ear to talk to me.
“I need to tell you something,” he said.
“After the show,” I told him.
Carter shook his head. “Now. It’s important. Back to the green room where it’s quieter.”
Even in the loud sound of the backstage, I could tell there was something serious in his voice, so I nodded. I followed him to the green room and immediately noticed the small swarm of women Mark had assembled. He hadn’t taken much time that night. It was almost impressive if it hadn’t also been somewhat depressing.
“All right. All of you out,” Carter instructed. “Thank you for visiting. Feel free to wait outside the building. Tickets may be available to future shows. Come see us again.”