The Fragile Ordinary

“Are you sure you’re not scared of me? Or shy, or whatever? Because you’re not talking.” Tobias gave me a small smile, but he looked uncertain.

The idea that this too cool, too popular, too good-looking boy was worried I was afraid of him or unnerved by him made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I grinned at him, and his eyes widened ever so slightly.

“I just don’t know what to ask first.”

“Meaning?”

“Well, you know so much about me already, I think you should allow me to ask some questions so we’re more even.”

Tobias considered this and then smirked at me. “Okay. Hit me with it.”

“Okay. Where in America are you from?”

It could have been my imagination, but he seemed to relax at the question as if he’d been expecting me to ask something that would make him uncomfortable. “I’m from North Carolina.”

“I thought people spoke with a Southern twang in North Carolina?”

“Some do. I’m from Raleigh, though.” He threw me a rueful look. “Plus, you know my mom is Scottish.”

“I take it that’s why you moved to Scotland? Your mum wanted to come home?”

Tobias’s shoulders hunched around his ears and he shuddered. “It’s cold. I should have brought a jacket.”

When no answer to my question was forthcoming, I frowned and stared out at the darkening sky and water. Hurt bloomed in my chest, and I tried to tell myself it was ridiculous to be hurt that Tobias wouldn’t share his story with me, but it didn’t work.

“My dad died.”

The words brought my head whipping around so fast that I felt a burn lash up my neck. Ignoring it, I stared up into Tobias’s pained expression, and the ache in my chest transformed. The pain was for him now.

He looked down at me and winced at whatever he saw in my face. “I don’t want pity, Comet.”

“It’s not pity. I’m just sorry, Tobias.”

His lips parted on an exhalation as he scrutinized me—my face, my words, everything. After a moment he nodded. “I believe you.”

“How did he...”

“Car crash.”

The words were bitten out, stolen not given, and I realized that I didn’t want Tobias to tell me all the meaningful things about his life if he was only doing it because he felt obligated to balance us out. It felt cruel, somehow. So I changed the subject. “Was school different in Raleigh?”

Tobias’s shoulders dropped from his ears and his features smoothed out. A light reentered his eyes, and I knew I’d made the right decision not to push him. He gave me a small, boyish smile that made my belly flutter. “A little different. I was different.”

“How so?”

“I was a straight-A student, youngest starting quarterback in my school in a decade, dating the head of the dance team, on the school paper, sophomore class president. You name it, I was it.”

Stunned, I tried to process what all that meant. It sounded to me like Tobias King had been a king at high school back in the States. I tried not to think about the kind of girl who would have been head of a dance team. Beautiful and athletic, no doubt.

My opposite.

I flinched, throwing the thought away. Tobias and I weren’t like that. Now that I knew he was hiding the pain of losing his father, his drastic shift in behavior here made total sense. Even his attitude toward Hamlet became clear—which, if you stripped away plot threads and themes, was at its core about a young man who loses his father. Maybe that was why Tobias liked my poems—because I admitted to loneliness in them. Maybe Tobias was lonely, too. It certainly seemed like there was disharmony between him and his mum. And although he had his cousin, Stevie didn’t cross me as someone Tobias could actually talk to.

Maybe he’d come to me because he wanted a friend. A real one. It wasn’t ideal considering the way butterflies raged to life in my belly anytime he smiled at me, but I liked the idea of being Tobias’s confidante. I liked the idea of him being mine.

A thought occurred to me as we strolled. Tobias’s life back in Raleigh sounded exhausting. “It sounds like a lot of pressure.”

He shot me a surprised look.

We stared at one another, slowly coming to a stop in silent mutual agreement.

“I guess,” he agreed.

“Is that why you’re friends with Stevie? I mean, I know he’s your cousin. But maybe it’s because he messes around and doesn’t put pressure on you to be responsible.”

Tobias’s eyebrows pinched together. “Stevie’s my friend because he’s my friend, not because he’s my cousin.”

“But you seem so different from one another.” I was trying to understand.

“Stevie is a good guy.”

I was concerned Stevie wasn’t a good guy and that he was more than likely going to lead Tobias down a dodgy path in life. Tobias was smart. Really smart. And I thought maybe buried beneath his rubbish attitude toward teachers and his mum was a good guy whose whole life had been upended. For all I knew Stevie was smart, too, but he wasn’t acting smart. He stood by while his friends bullied my classmates. He’d strolled into school with a black eye and a burst lip more than once from having fought with rival schoolkids from neighboring towns.

Worst still, rumor had it that he and his friends liked to shoplift in the city center. That was all crappy behavior that could lead to more dangerous behavior.

“Wait...” Tobias shook his head, as if he was confused about something. “I thought... Don’t you have a crush on Stevie?”

“A crush...on Stevie?”

He nodded, his gaze boring into me like he wanted to unearth all my secrets. “Stevie told me you have a crush on him.”

Bloody Heather!

My cheeks burned with embarrassment. “He still thinks that? That’s a rumor Heather McAlister made up years ago when she was intent on making my life miserable. Stevie? No!”

His expression cleared, and his shoulders seemed to relax. “No crush on Stevie?”

“You thought I liked Stevie this whole time?”

“Yeah.” He grinned suddenly. “Now I know you don’t.”

Unsure how to interpret his reaction, and wanting the conversation off me and any possibility of me having a crush on Stevie Macdonald, I opted for changing the subject. “Do you miss it? North Carolina? The high school, football, your girlfriend?” I almost winced at that last part.

“Not now.” He shrugged. “Maybe one day. But it’s kind of good to be free of all of it. My dad wanted a lot from me. I didn’t really have much time to be... I don’t know. I just didn’t have a lot of free time.”

“Your friends must miss you, though?”

He smirked but it was somewhat bitter. “My best friend, Jack, he’s a year older. A senior now. He’s starting quarterback on the team and he’s dating Ashley. My ex.” He threw me a dark look. “No one misses me, Comet. They moved on as soon as I left.”

“Have you?”

“Yeah. It’s high school. One day it’ll be a distant memory.”

I wasn’t sure that was an honest answer, but I thought Tobias believed it was, so I let it go. We walked along in companionable silence as I tried to find the courage to ask the question that had plagued me from the moment he’d returned my notebook to me.

“Tobias?”

“Yeah?”

I liked the smile in his voice when he answered. It was a much nicer sound than the tight way he’d answered my questions about his old life. “Did you...” My stomach flipped so hard I had to suck in a breath against it.

“Comet?”

“Did you really like my poems?” The words rushed out of my mouth.

Quite abruptly Tobias stopped walking and turned to face me. The pull of his gaze was so strong I had no option but to stare up into his eyes. “Yes, Comet. I really liked your poems.”

Something warm and sweet flooded me but before it even had time to settle, he continued, “Reading them...well...it was the first time in a long time that I didn’t feel so alone.”

My breath stuttered at his confession and, standing there on the esplanade with this boy who had once been a stranger, I felt something within me shift. I suddenly felt this fierce protectiveness toward him. His kindness, his understanding and his connection to my poems created a bond that flared in the dusk between us.