Hush

“I know,” Maddox said mildly, not rising to the bait. “I know you have every right to do shit like that. To do anything you want. But I don’t like it. And before you fight me on this, it’s not because of what you went through, and it’s sure as shit not because you’re a victim. It’s because you’re you, Orion.”

There was so much naked emotion in his tone—the tequila didn’t soften the edges. It sure as shit didn’t give her a snappy retort to his words.

So she stayed silent right up until he parked in the lot of her building.

“Will you walk me up?” Orion asked. Or more accurately, tequila asked.

Maddox raised his brow. “What happened to the independent woman who can walk herself up to her apartment?” There was teasing in his voice.

“She comes and goes,” Orion replied with a little teasing of her own.

She didn’t know what she was doing. She knew this was a bad idea, that it was dangerous, that she wasn’t ready. But those things didn’t seem as important as they had in the past.

Orion was angry. She was angry at the girl who ruined her night. She was angry for not being able to control herself. She was angry those Things stole her ability to want a man without feeling dirty.

She just wanted to be fucking normal.

She just wanted Maddox to walk her to her door like he was just a guy and she was just a girl. That there weren’t years of pain and abuse between them.

“How is that strong, independent woman thing going?” Maddox asked when they got to her door.

He was standing at a comfortable, respectful distance. Maddox was always doing that. Respecting her fears, always the gentleman.

She didn’t want that, not tonight at least. So she stepped forward. The distance between them was no longer comfortable, and it was yanking all of her fears out of their hiding places.

Maddox stiffened, but he didn’t move. “Orion.” There was warning in his tone. No more teasing. “You’re drunk.”

Orion blinked. “Maybe,” she agreed. “But I’m not that drunk.”

“I’m not taking advantage of you.”

She wanted to scream in frustration. “Okay, then I’ll take advantage of you.”

Maddox eyed her, close to moving her back. She saw that, saw he was too fucking noble.

“All I know is pain,” she whispered, the words themselves agony. “I just want something different.”

His stare was unyielding. It was a different kind of chain, one that circled around her tighter than ones she’d worn for ten years. “Then I’ll do my fucking best to teach you different.” His lips touched hers—a whisper, really. A ghost of a kiss, something that resembled the one from that summer day a long time ago, but something darker than that too. A kiss that belonged in winter at midnight.

“You’re a pretty good teacher,” she admitted, trying to keep her voice even, trying to chase away the demons that came with that kiss.

His eyes danced with winter and summer. “Do you trust me?”

She sucked in a rough breath, the words from the past hitting her in the face. Did she trust him? The answer had come so easily when she was a child. But she wasn’t a child anymore.

He wasn’t a boy anymore.

He was infinitely more dangerous than that. Not only was he a man with expectations, he was a cop with the power to lock her away. He was a good one too. She was playing with fire.

“Yes,” she said, only a whisper slower than she had all those years ago.

Sixteen

Orion made the decision.

Jaclyn’s death had forged promises into her bones. Had forced her to add another name on the list of people gone from this world because of those monsters. Orion had grieved her in her own ways. Quietly sobbing in the shower. Watching fucking Game of Thrones.

She had not gone to her grave because she wasn’t there. Graveyards were just dirt, bones, and headstones. Nothing more, nothing less.

So yes, Jaclyn had forged her plan.

It was Maddox that cemented it.

What she’d said to Shelby and Jaclyn that first night in the hotel hadn’t been hot air. She’d meant every word. That night, she would’ve been prepared to sign a blood oath to declare that was her intention, to use the knowledge of the doctor to track him down and make him pay.

She’d been little more than an animal then. Unchained and let out into a world that made her feel feral, ruled by her emotions, but also afraid. Bone chillingly afraid.

These months out here in the real world, if that’s what this really was, she was becoming domesticated all over again. She was shown that in this world, the one up top, people didn’t go killing those who’d done them wrong down below, underneath it all.

Her need for revenge hadn’t gone anywhere, but her resolve had faltered. She wasn’t afraid of losing all of this. The money, the freedom, the life, because it was all on the surface. It didn’t matter. She didn’t escape because she wanted to eat Italian food, fall in love, and have a happily ever after. Those needs weren’t strong enough, visceral enough to break through the years of torture and terror.