Hush

“I’m a cop, April,” he said, sipping his beer. “I can get rid of a body all on my own, thank you very much.”

She snorted. “Yeah, right, Mr. Rulebook. You don’t fool me with the outfits and the five o’clock shadow. I know your ‘morals’ and ‘ethics’ are far too staunch to murder someone and try to get away with it. You’d be the first person to die from fucking anxiety.”

He sat on the sofa. “You don’t need to air quote morals and ethics. Most people have them.”

She rolled her eyes. “Most people are boring. Now, what do you want from me?”

He sighed, took another pull of his beer. “I need help with Orion.”

April froze, the last ravioli halfway to her mouth. The marinara dripped onto to her lap.

“She’s trying to push me away. I’m worried about her. I . . .” He trailed off. He wasn’t going to tell April about the kiss, about all these intense, overwhelming feelings because that went against those morals and ethics April had just been teasing. He was taught manners. Respect. He didn’t kiss and tell. He was also selfish. He knew how rare that kiss was. How painful it was for her. He wanted it all to himself and Orion. If he was honest with himself, he wanted fucking more, but today showed him she wasn’t ready for that. If he pushed, she might’ve given in. There would have been enough time for her to hate him for being another man who took things from her. For him to hate himself.

“Yeah, you’re still carrying a big old torch for her,” April finished for him. “Or maybe you’ve lit a whole new one, because this is a whole new Orion.”

It sometimes freaked him out how astute his sister could be. Not for the first time, he lamented the fact that her intelligence was wasted taking orders in a shitty diner. He’d long given up on trying to verbalize it. Maddox didn’t want to sound like his parents. April was young. And despite what her demeanor, outfits, and personality said, she had self-confidence issues.

“It is a whole new Orion. Ri’s still in there, of course. But she’s hardened. Frightened,” he said, “and I can’t get her to trust me. To let me in.”

April stared at him. “Of course you can’t. You’re a man, you dipshit. She’s been held captive, abused, and terrorized by men for almost half her life. It’s gonna take her a lifetime for the touch of a man to feel okay again. Don’t be so daft, Maddie.”

Fury simmered in his belly. “I’d never fucking lay a hand on her. Or any woman. And you know that.”

April rolled her eyes. “Tame the beast, Bruce Banner. You’re my brother. I know you’re not some psychopath. And Orion knows that too. In her logical brain. But that’s not what’s ruling her right now. She’s got years of shit to work through. Years of fear, pain, and horror to overcome. Trusting you is not at the top of her list. It doesn’t matter who you used to be to her, Maddox. It’s not even about you. It’s about her. About who she used to be. Who she is now.”

Not for the first time, he wished the monsters responsible for this shit were in this room, so he could kill them with his bare hands. April was so sure he was so staunch in his morals and ethics, but if he had the chance, he would abandon both in order to dole out vengeance. For Orion. For that sorrow in his sister’s voice. It had cut her too. Deep.

He thought about the look in Orion’s eyes that morning, and the deadness he saw there. It was something else he couldn’t admit because he’d gazed into the eyes of a killer before.

“We’re losing her, April,” he said. “I’m losing her,” he added quietly.

Fury simmered in his sister’s eyes. “We’ve already lost her, Maddox,” she snapped. “I’m just getting back a version of her. And what? You want me to use my tenuous favor with her in order to what? Make it so you can be the love of her life again? She’s not fourteen, Maddie. Her main goal in life is no longer to be loved by Maddox Novak or any other man.” April stood. “In fact, I have no idea what her goal in life is right now. But I do know I’ll be right there beside her as a friend.”

Maddox had always agreed with his mother on April not shaking the little part of her that was spoiled and entitled. Dropping out of college on their parents’ dime, no apologies, no real responsibilities, boyfriends chosen for their ability to piss everyone off.

But at some point, his sister had turned into a woman, and a good one at that. A fierce one. He was damned proud of her. And ashamed of himself. Because everything she was saying was fucking right.