For the time being.
As I step into the sun-drenched kitchen, I find her sitting at the long stretch of island with a cup of tea in her hands. Her gaze collides with mine as I hover in the entrance. When she remains silent, I force myself to the cherry cabinet and grab a mug before filling it to the brim with java. It looks like I’ll need a massive dose of caffeine to get through this.
After a few uncomfortable moments tick by, it becomes apparent that neither of us are willing to delve headfirst into this conversation. The tension rachets up until it becomes almost unbearable.
“Mom—” I blurt.
“Summer—”
Abruptly our voices fall off.
Her expression lightens as she shakes her head, expelling a lengthy puff of air from her lips. “I wasn’t expecting to walk in on that this morning.”
None of us were.
Unsure how to respond, I remain silent.
When I don’t immediately launch into an explanation, she continues. “I didn’t realize you two were having sex.”
I shift on bare feet beneath the heaviness of her stare. “Ummm, yeah.”
“When did this start?” She rearranges herself on the chair before fidgeting with the ceramic handle of her mug.
“Does it really matter?” I mumble, my gaze touching on her briefly before bouncing around the kitchen. I would give anything to escape this conversation.
“Yeah, it does. I wish you would have said something,” she sighs when I remain tight-lipped.
“Why?” Needing to occupy my hands, I lift the mug to my lips and take a deep drink, scalding my tongue in the process. I wince and hiss out a breath.
“Physical intimacy is a big step in any relationship, and I would have like to know what was going on. We could have talked about it.”
Oh God.
More talking.
Hard pass.
Her fingers drift from the cup to the sides of her head to massage her temples. “I can’t believe this is happening,” she mutters under her breath.
Ugh.
Kingsley had the nerve to accuse me of overreacting, but that’s exactly what this feels like. An overreaction. “Mom, I’m eighteen years old. Weren’t you expecting this to happen at some point?”
Instead of answering, her teeth sink into her lower lip as she glances out the window that overlooks the greenery of the backyard.
When the silence continues to stretch, I add, “You know, Austin has been sleeping with girls for the last two years.” I’m not trying to throw my twin under the bus, but come on…
A little perspective would be nice. We don’t need to turn this into some big deal.
Her cheeks pinken as her voice drops. “Trust me, I’m more than aware of your brother’s…activities.”
All right then. Apparently, there’s a double standard going on at the Hawthorne house.
Lovely.
Frustration rushes in, drowning out my humiliation. I snap to attention and frown. “So Austin can sleep around with random girls and I have sex with the guy you’re forcing me to marry and for some strange reason, that’s frowned upon?”
She winces. “That’s not it.”
“Then what’s the problem?” I ask, needing her to admit the truth. Maybe then, Mom will see how hypocritical she’s acting.
She shakes her head and jerks her shoulders. “I don’t know…in the past, you never seemed very interested in boys or relationships. You’ve always been so focused on your classes, astronomy, and getting into a good college. I assumed it would stay that way for a little longer…”
Well, she’s right about that. Boys have never been much of a distraction. I’ve dated a few here and there, but the relationships never amounted to much. No one’s ever captured my attention the way Kingsley has. Where he’s concerned, I’m like a moth to a flickering flame.
“The only way I can explain it, is that it’s different when you have a daughter. I worry that he’ll hurt you or God forbid, you’ll get pregnant.”
“I won’t get pregnant,” I mumble. The only thing that could make this discussion any worse is if Dad were here, chiming in with his thoughts.
“I hope not.” She pauses for a beat before pelting me with another question. “You are using protection, right?”
This is exactly the conversation I was hoping to avoid.
“Yes,” I groan, cheeks flooding with heat, “we’re being responsible and using condoms.”
“Condoms aren’t good enough.” She presses her lips together until they are nothing more than a thin slash across her face. “If this relationship is going to continue, then you need to see a doctor so you can protect yourself with the pill or a shot.” There’s a pause as her attention sharpens on me. “Can I assume it will continue?”
I jerk my head into a nod. Now that we’re having sex, there’s no going backward. Kingsley and I have had conversations about me going on the pill, but I’ve yet to find a doctor and schedule an appointment. We moved to Hawthorne in August. I haven’t even found a hairstylist yet, let alone a physician.