Outside, the winds continued to rage, beating upon the bungalow with force. Inside, Apollo’s feelings were just as fierce. His emotions swung between remorse, love and guilt.
He didn’t know why he was opening up to Popi like this. He’d never divulged any of this to another person. The only other person that knew of the struggles was his brother and he was no longer here to make Apollo feel connected to his family. That tie was gone and would soon be replaced by his brother’s offspring.
“Your brother was an amazing man,” Popi said, drawing Apollo from his thoughts.
“He definitely was.” Those were words he was certain no one had ever spoken of him. You have to earn that sort of respect.
And before, that hadn’t bothered him, but now he wanted his nephew or niece to be able to look up to him. Not because he wanted the praise, but rather because he wanted to be that kind of person—the solid, dependable person that his brother had been for him. But was that even possible?
“And he loved you.”
Apollo cleared the emotional knot in the back of his throat. “He tolerated me.”
Popi shook her head. “It was much more than that. He stuck by you. No matter what. Even at his wedding, when someone would start to say something about you not attending, he would shut them down. He would tell them that you would be there if you could.”
Apollo’s head hung low as the weight on his heart grew more intense. “I should have been there.” His voice was soft. “I wanted to be there.”
A moment of silence passed.
“Why weren’t you?” There was no tone of accusation to her question, but more a matter of wanting to understand.
Though they’d never met before now, they had shared a family. His brother, her sister. Popi had been there from the beginning of his brother’s romance, through to the wedding and beyond...to offering to carry their baby. And Apollo had missed all of it. He’d chosen to isolate himself—to protect himself. Instead his plan had backfired. He’d hurt everyone, including himself.
“I had been in the Amazon rainforest. I had all my travel plans for the wedding, but then I was stung and came down with a bad case of dengue fever. I had some complications and it prevented me from traveling.” But he should have pushed himself—he should have made it.
“I didn’t know. Your brother didn’t go into details.”
“I’m sure that’s because he was angry with me. And he had every right to be. When I needed him, he was always there. When he needed me, I failed him.”
“But it wasn’t your fault. It’s not like you went out and sought out the illness. I’m sure you brother was disappointed but he understood.”
“Really? Because I’m not sure I would be so understanding.”
Just then the sky filled with light as a bolt of lightning shot through the inky night. Seconds passed and then thunder shook the bungalow, as well as them.
“I didn’t know it was going to storm this bad,” Popi said.
Apollo couldn’t help but wonder if she was running out of words to comfort him and had decided it was best to change the subject. Before they let go of the past, he had one more thing to share with her.
His gaze met hers. “I’ve changed since the wedding. I’ve done a lot of growing up. I’ve witnessed a lot. I’ve had someone die in my arms. A good man. I’ve learned that we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow and to make the most of today. I’ve learned to treasure those who care about you because there are many more that won’t.” When he saw the confusion in her eyes, he said, “What I’m trying to say is that I think I’m a better person now. I think—no, I know—that I can do this. Be a parent.”
Another crack of thunder rattled the bungalow, making the glass of the windows rattle.
“I think we should check the forecast,” Popi said.
He’d wanted her to acknowledge what he’d just said but then realized that she would probably disagree with him. After all, how could she not? He had missed his own brother’s funeral. Who does that?
But he did have his reasons...
Popi struggled to stand up.
“Stay there,” he said, seeing the lines of pain etched upon her face. “Your back—it isn’t getting better, is it?”