“Fuck this shit,” Pop mumbled, moving forward quickly.
“Don’t,” Cam growled threateningly, his arms tightening around my body.
“The fuck do you think you are?” Pop said incredulously, coming to a halt. “I’ll fuckin’ end you.”
“Jesus Christ,” Farrah hissed, reaching up to pull my hands from my throat. “The testosterone in here is so thick I can taste it—and it tastes like shit.”
“Got a bag, Ladybug,” Casper announced as he ran back into the room.
“Good, give it to Dragon. Trix is breathin’ again, think he’s the one who’s gonna need it.”
“Bitch—” Pop started to say.
“Don’t go there, brother,” Casper warned.
The skin on my arms prickled as I curled my body tighter into a ball on Cam’s lap. I wanted everyone to go away. My mind was spinning.
“Cam, I don’t think Trix is up for a chat tonight,” Farrah said softly, turning her back on Casper and my pop as if she couldn’t even be concerned with them. “Why don’t you wait until the morning? Clear heads and all that.”
“She stays with me,” Cam ground out, his head tilting down to rub his hair roughened cheek over the top of my head.
“Okay, baby. But I think she needs some sleep, bud. She looks like she’s ready to fall over.”
“I got her.”
“I know you do. I know. But you need to lay her down so she can sleep.” Farrah’s eyes met mine as she rubbed her thumbs over the backs of my hands. “She’s growin’ a baby. Pregnant women need their sleep.” She gave me a small smile.
“She don’t sleep,” Cam whispered, his voice strangled. “She just lays there, tossin’ and turnin,’ and when she falls asleep, she screams.”
Farrah’s eyes drifted shut, and she swallowed hard.
“Well, maybe if you lay with her she can get some rest, huh?” Farrah finally said, opening her tear-soaked eyes. “Keep the monsters at bay for a night.”
“I’m tryin’.” I couldn’t see if Cam was crying, but it sounded like it. I knew whatever he’d been drinking had probably brought his emotions to the surface, but I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t even help myself.
I wanted to reach up and pull him against me, to kiss his face and tell him that we’d be okay—but I couldn’t. It didn’t feel like anything would ever be okay again.
“Keep trying, baby,” Farrah said softly.
Cam nodded against my head, then scooted back on the bed. I glanced at my pop and Casper as we moved, but both were frozen.
I let Cam move me so my body was between him and the wall, then shut my eyes as he curled his body around me.
“There you go,” Farrah said softly, pulling a blanket up over our shoulders. “Get some rest.”
The room went quiet for a moment before shuffling footsteps moved toward the door, and the light shining through my eyelids went dark. Then the door closed softly.
“I love you,” Cam whispered against my ear as my heart thundered in my chest. “I love you so much. You gotta let me help you, Sweetbea. Please.”
His breath hitched once, then twice, and within seconds, he began to snore. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling.
I’d trusted Cam for so long, it had become second nature to me. We were a team. Soul mates. I’d never imagined being with anyone but him, never envisioned a life that didn’t include him as my man.
So, I couldn’t understand why I had this block—this feeling of apprehension and fear at the thought of settling down with him and a baby. Was it immaturity? I didn’t think so. It went so much deeper than that.
I didn’t want to be my mother.
What if, after a few more months, we’d decided that we didn’t work as a couple? Without the baby, it would have been hard to leave him, but I could’ve. I could’ve stepped away and made a different plan, found a different man. Maybe.
But now? He’d never let me leave.
“You’re not going anywhere,” the voice in my memory hissed.
It wouldn’t matter how bad our life got. If I stayed, I’d be stuck.
I could never imagine Cam abusing me the way my stepdad abused my mom. Never in a million years. But my mom hadn’t anticipated it, either.
She’d married a man that was so clean cut he was squeaky. He had money, dressed well and asked her to marry him, even though she was already pregnant with someone else’s babies. He’d seemed perfect on paper.
A lot like Cam seemed perfect for me—except Cam wasn’t clean cut. He was rough. He lived outside the law. Rules and regulations didn’t mean anything to him, and while that didn’t bother me one single bit normally… it made the threat so much more significant.
I couldn’t be sure. I couldn’t be sure, and I couldn’t take the risk. When I’d gone to him about the baby, terrified out of my mind, he’d looked at me like he hated me.