Piece of My Heart (Fostering Love 4)

“I didn’t want it,” she said through gritted teeth, her voice so low I barely heard her. “I didn’t want it.”

I jerked in surprise but didn’t move my cheek from hers.

“I was worried about school, and I didn’t want it.”

“Yes you did,” I said finally. “You were just surprised.”

“And now it’s gone,” she said, ignoring my words. “What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything,” I argued, my chest so tight that I was having a hard time drawing a breath. “This isn’t your fault.”

“I didn’t want it, and now it’s gone,” she wailed.

“No,” I said into her ear. “No.”

“It’s gone, Alex,” she said with a sob. “Our baby is gone.”

“I know, sweetheart,” I whispered back, my voice catching on a sob.

I’d never understood pain before. I realized that as Sarai continued to tell me over and over again that our baby was gone.

The nurses gave us privacy for a while, but before long they came quietly back into the room. I dropped into the chair, and Sarai stared blankly at the ceiling, tears rolling down the sides of her face as they lifted the blankets and checked the pad they’d placed under her. I nearly vomited when they slid the pad out from under her and I saw the blood before they quickly wadded it up and threw it in the trash.

Somewhere in that bloody pad or the clothes they’d stripped off her in the ambulance was our child, too small to see even though I’d heard her heartbeat.

The nurses were efficient and kind, and they had Sarai quickly tucked into bed again, but I couldn’t forget that bloody pad. I stared at the trash bin marked BIOHAZARD as they left the room again.

“Knock, knock,” a quiet voice called from the hallway. I looked up to find Ani’s concerned face peeking around the doorjamb. “Can I come in?”

I looked over at Sarai, and she nodded.

“Hey,” Ani said, hugging me as I got to my feet. “How are you guys doing?”

“Shitty,” I murmured with a sigh.

“The baby?” she asked quietly.

I shook my head as I let her go.

“Goddamn it,” she whispered. Turning to Sarai, she gave her a gentle smile. “Hey, Rocky, nice shiner.”

“Hi, Ani,” Sarai replied. Her lips trembled. “Sorry we didn’t pick you up.”

“Shut it,” Ani said with a wave of her hand. She leaned against the bed and awkwardly grabbed Sarai’s good hand, giving it a squeeze. “How’re you holding up?”

“Okay,” Sarai said. The word came out warbly and soft.

“Bullshit,” Ani said, leaning forward. “I’m going to hug you, but I’ll be really careful.”

As Ani wrapped an arm around Sarai, my wife started to cry in big body-shaking sobs. I took a step forward to intervene but stopped when I saw the way Sarai’s hand had fisted in the back of Ani’s shirt. Ani murmured to Sarai as I stepped quietly out of the room.

I found Bram and Arie in the emergency room waiting area. The baby was asleep for once, bundled up in her car seat, and as I walked toward my brother, he got to his feet. He met me halfway in a hug so tight I felt my spine pop.

“How’s Sarai?” he asked, still holding on to me.

“Not good,” I replied hoarsely.

“Awake, though, yeah?” he said, his hand patting my back in the way my dad had always hugged us as kids. “She’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, my chin knocking into his shoulder. “She’s awake.”

“The baby?” Bram asked.

I shook my head.

“Aw, man,” he said with a sigh. “I’m sorry, brother.”

“Me too,” I ground out. I let go of him and stepped back. “It could’ve been way worse,” I said, rubbing a hand over my face. “We got lucky.”

“Don’t do that,” Bram said. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Pretend like you’re feeling lucky,” Bram said flatly.

I scoffed.

“There’s nothing wrong with being upset,” Bram said, his eyes boring into mine.

“I know that.”

“Okay.” He let it go, but I could tell that he was itching to say something else by the way his jaw flexed. “So what happened?”

I followed him to the chairs lining the wall and sat next to him, with Arie at our feet. I stared at my niece for a moment, thinking about all the things I was never going to do with my daughter or son, then shook my head and looked back at Bram.

“We went to pick up Sarai’s friend Hailey because her boyfriend beat the shit out of her—”

“Motherfucker,” Bram muttered. I nodded.

“Sarai was going to drive Hailey to our place, and I was following in my truck.” I paused and took a deep breath, remembering those horrible few seconds when I’d seen Sean’s truck barreling toward Hailey’s car. “They were backing out of the driveway, and I was in my truck, ready to follow them, when Hailey’s boyfriend rammed his truck into the driver’s side.”