Change of Heart (Fostering Love 2)

There was no time for me. And so, as I sat there on the floor, words had slipped past my lips without thought, and now I felt even worse.

“Jesus Christ, Ani,” Shane murmured tiredly.

I swallowed hard.

“That sounds fine to me,” Ellie said, her voice trembling. “You boys carried him around on your back for years, most of the time because he’d jumped up there trying to bug you. Makes sense you’d carry him now.”

My breath hitched.

“Anita,” Liz said, making my entire body tense, “kitchen.”

She climbed up from the couch and walked away as I pressed my hands against the floor, pushing myself up to follow her. I’d fucked up. When Ellie had gone on and on about not knowing who should fill the last two pallbearers’ spots, I’d completely lost patience, and that was really shitty of me. I deserved anything Liz had to dish out and more.

“What’s going on?” Liz asked sharply as I hit the kitchen.

“I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t ask if you were sorry, and I wasn’t looking for a damn apology. Now tell me what the hell is going on with you.”

“Nothing,” I sighed, running my fingers over my hair. “My nerves are just fried.”

“All of our nerves are fried.”

“I know—it’s no excuse.”

“Go home, Ani.”

My eyes shot to hers, and I almost stumbled back from her words. She was kicking me out? My throat got so tight it felt like I couldn’t breathe as my eyes began to fill with tears.

“You need sleep, baby,” she said gently as I stared at her in horror. Then she lifted a hand and ran it through my hair. “You need some time out of this house.”

“I’m fine.” I shook my head.

“No, you’re not. Go home for a few hours. I’ll keep Arielle here with the kids.”

“We have to go get Hen,” I argued stubbornly, chewing the inside of my cheek.

“Henry won’t care if you’re at the airport,” she said quietly. “But I care that you look like you haven’t slept in a week.”

“But—”

“Anita Bonita,” she murmured, shutting me up. Only Henry used that nickname. Oh, God. My stomach turned. “Go home and get some rest. I’ll have Danny drive you.”

I nodded as I braced myself on the table. Less than a minute later, Liz was walking Dan back into the room, his worried eyes on me.

“Come on, kiddo,” he said gruffly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

I walked back to the bedroom Arie was sleeping in and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead before grabbing my purse. She’d be fine there while I got my shit together. All the adults were going to get Hen that night, but a really nice lady named Heather that Ellie and Liz knew from some club was going to watch the kids at the house.

I walked out the door with Dan on my heels and dragged my weary body into his truck.

“Only two hours, okay?” I rasped as we reached my driveway. “Come get me on your way to pick up Hen.”

Dan looked like he was going to argue for a long moment, then finally gave me a small nod.

I nodded back, then climbed out of the truck as he rolled to a stop.

I didn’t bother undressing, just took off my shoes and crawled between the sheets of my bed.

Then I finally let it all out. It started out as sniffles, a catch of breath, a hiccup, but soon I was sobbing so hard that my entire body jerked with each cry. I cried freely. Hard and loud. Then I fell into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

I woke with a start, looking around my bedroom blearily and wondering what had startled me awake. When I glanced at the clock, I cursed and scrambled out of my bed. When my feet hit the floor, I stumbled to the side, slamming my hip into my nightstand, knocking the lamp there onto the floor with a crash.

It was an hour past when we were supposed to leave to pick up Henry’s body.

No one had come to get me.

My heart raced in panic as I ran to my dresser, pulling out the bottom drawer too far, making it fall to the floor. I ignored the mess and grabbed a pair of dark jeans, throwing them on the bed before I grabbed one of Henry’s old boot camp shirts out of my pajama drawer. It was navy-blue mesh, with a little emblem in the chest, silky and shiny, and one of my favorites even though it was way too big for me.

Running into the bathroom, I screamed a little as I caught sight of my face and hair. I frantically wet my hair down and grabbed a beanie off the floor to cover it up, then swiped at my face to wipe off the tears pouring out of my eyes.