My hand reached out blindly and grabbed ahold of Bram’s thigh, anchoring myself as a wave of sorrow seemed to crash into me.
“Henry was my baby,” Ellie said again after she’d gotten herself under control. “And I’m not sure where we’ll go from here. Hell, I can’t imagine tomorrow, much less worry about things down the road.”
Bram’s hand covered mine on his thigh, and he curled his fingers, lacing them through mine.
“But Liz and I were talking earlier,” Ellie continued, looking around at us. “And we were discussing how happy we are that we have children who come home whenever they can. A family that’s happy to spend time together and loves each other. Not all people have that, you know? Kids grow up and grow apart—but not you kids. You’re as close now as you were when you were little.”
Bram’s hand tightened in mine.
“None of you have wanted to sit down together like we’re doing now,” Ellie said. “And I understand it, because I didn’t want to either.” She sniffled again, and Mike reached out to rub her back.
“But this—sitting down together for a meal—it’s always been important, and it might be even more important now. I’m not giving it up. So we’re going to sit here and eat all this dessert that people have been dropping off, and we’re going to talk, and Alex is going to needle Trevor until he starts gritting his teeth, and Kate’s going to try and talk to Ani even though she’s all the way at the other end of the table. We’re going to get this out of the way now, so the next time we sit down and my baby boy isn’t here, it might be just a little bit easier.” Ellie finished off her last words with a hard nod.
It was a good speech. I understood the meaning behind it, and I loved how hard she was trying, but no one moved after she’d stopped talking and leaned back in her chair.
I glanced at Trevor, who was looking down at the plate in front of him, then at Shane and Kate, who were looking at each other. None of us wanted to make the first move. My gaze moved to Alex, and I braced myself when I saw the look in his eyes.
“I get the meaning behind it, and I fully agree with you, Aunt Ellie. But I’m not eating Mrs. Nielsen’s upside-down cake,” he said stubbornly, shaking his head with a scowl. “Last time she brought one over, I had the shits for two days.”
Everyone at the table froze.
Mike was the first one to break, and as soon as his raspy guffaw broke the silence, the rest of us began to laugh. We laughed so hard that there were tears streaming down our faces.
After the first few moments, I wasn’t even sure if we were laughing at Alex anymore. We were laughing in surprise that we could even laugh in the first place. We were laughing to prove that we still could, that maybe we were broken but that we could eventually live and not be so aware of the gaping black holes in our chests. We laughed because Henry would have said something completely inappropriate to Alex’s comment, and all of us were hearing his voice in our heads. We laughed because we’d been crying for so long that any other display of emotion was almost a relief.
“I’m not joking!” Alex bitched loudly, making us laugh even harder.
I wiped at my face as Bram’s hand squeezed mine, and when I looked back up at Alex, he winked, giving me a small smile.
I smiled back.
“Well, this one goes to the garbage,” Liz murmured with a chuckle, standing up to grab a cake off the middle of the table. “The rest should be safe.”
She walked the cake into the kitchen, and I made a face at Alex, causing his smile to widen. He freaking knew I liked Mrs. Nielsen’s pineapple upside-down cake, and I knew for a fact that it hadn’t given him diarrhea because we’d shared the last one between us and I’d felt fine.
I would have expected the asshole move from Henry, but not…My head jerked up to stare at Alex again as my eyes began to burn.
“Asshole,” I mouthed, giving a watery laugh.
“Pretty girl,” he mouthed back, blowing me a kiss.
“Cake!” Gunner yelled, running into the dining room, then sliding over the hardwood floor in his socks until he came to a stop.
“We’re having cake?” Keller asked, flying into the room behind his brother.
“I want some!” Gavin yelled from down the hall.
I looked at the boys, watching as their eyes darted around the room looking for an ally.
I knew who that ally would have been a week and a half ago.
“Good thinking,” I said, hopping out of my chair. “Auntie will get you anything you want. Grab your chairs and belly up to the table.”