I was there while he worked, that was a given, but I’d also stayed over all night when Keller and Sage had a stomach bug. We ate dinner together as a family at least once a week, and a few times we’d even taken the kids on day trips to the zoo and the beach.
I knew I wasn’t his favorite person—that had become pretty clear when Rachel was alive and I’d been completely ignored. Hell, I’d known it the first time I brought Rachel home with me from school and he’d wooed her while acting as if I didn’t exist. The friendship we’d formed as kids had deteriorated without my knowledge, and all I’d been left with was a stranger who ended up married to my best friend.
But over the past year, we’d become partners of a sort, taking care of the kids, and I figured that was probably the closest we’d ever get to being friends again.
I dreaded the day that he found someone new, which he eventually would. As the years went on, he’d want someone to spend his life with, and I knew that when that day came, I would no longer be needed.
I shook my head and stripped out of the jeans I’d been wearing. I wanted to be at the house with the kids, but I forced myself not to think of how fussy and tired they probably were. They were fine with Shane and my aunt. I just had to learn to let go a little.
A few hours later, as I was bingeing on episodes of Call the Midwife on Netflix, my phone started ringing next to me on the bed.
“Hello?” I answered around the large bite of chocolate in my mouth.
“Hey, sis,” my aunt said with a laugh. I loved how my family called me “sis.” It reminded me of when I was a kid and things were so much simpler.
“Hey, how are the kiddos doing?”
“They’re all down for the night,” she answered with a sigh. “And I’m pooped.”
“I bet. Where’s Shane?”
“Well, that’s what I was calling about.”
I sat up in bed and brushed the chocolate crumbs off my chest. “What’s going on?”
“He left, Katie, and I’m not sure where he was going.”
“He’s a big boy, Aunt Ellie, I’m sure he’s fine.”
“No, no, I know that,” she replied before going quiet. I could picture her so clearly in my mind, biting at the cuticles on her nails anytime she was worried.
“What do you need me to do?” I asked finally, standing up and grabbing a pair of pants from the floor.
“Do you know where he’d go?” she asked. “He said he wouldn’t be back until the morning.”
Shit.
“I have a pretty good idea,” I mumbled back, putting the phone on speaker so I could get my bra on. “I’ll see if I can find him and call you back.”
“Are you sure?”
“Isn’t that why you called me?”
“Well…yes.”
“Then, yeah. If you’re worried, then I’ll check on him.”
We hung up a few minutes later, and I was on my way downtown shortly after that. I had a pretty good idea where he was, and the closer I got to the hotel, the more nervous I became.
Rachel and Shane had a silly tradition to meet up after every deployment at a certain hotel downtown. Before they got back to daily life, with kids and bills and taking out the garbage, they’d take one night just for themselves. And every year, I’d keep the kids for the night while they met up and had marathon sex with no interruptions.
The first time it happened and Rachel had come home bragging about it, I’d felt sick to my stomach. I knew they were having sex. They were married and had Sage by then, but knowing it and hearing the details were two very different things, and that had been the first time I’d been thankful that Rachel ignored me while Shane was home.
I’d needed to get my head on straight. They were married. Married. And I was just the wife’s best friend. He might have been my friend first, but by that time he definitely wasn’t my friend any longer. I had no right to feel anything about their sexcapades, and it had been ridiculous that I had.
I’d overcome my jealousy and hurt feelings years ago, but parking in the garage to their hotel had me fighting that same sick feeling in my stomach. I didn’t belong there, and I so badly wanted to turn around and go back home.
I got Shane’s room number from the front desk—not very safe of them to give information like that out—and strode toward the elevator.
He was going to be pissed. No doubt about it.
* * *
“The fuck are you doing here?” Shane growled as he threw open the door I’d been knocking on for a solid five minutes. I hadn’t driven all the way down there for him to ignore me.