I glanced to my side to find Shane taking a photo with his phone, which had me scrambling to cover my bare breast. I’d known he was there, but I had kind of ignored it as I’d snuggled with the babies.
“I just wanted one of Gunner and Iris,” he said softly before putting the phone back in his pocket. “Here, let’s get you out of that wet shirt.”
He grabbed one of my camisoles off the end of the bed and moved toward me, throwing the shirt over his shoulder. “Come on, I’ll help you. I know you’re sore.”
“I can do it,” I replied, reaching for the shirt on his shoulder.
“Just—please, Kate? Just let me help you.”
“Turn around,” I ordered, making his shoulders slump in defeat.
“I’ve already seen everything,” Shane mumbled once his back was turned. “So this is kind of ridiculous.”
“Yeah, well, that’s when I was being your doormat. No more tits for you.”
He barked out a quiet laugh, and I rolled my eyes, peeling my tank top down over my hips so I didn’t have to try to pull it up and over my sore breasts.
“You were never a doormat, Katie,” he said seriously, turning around before I was ready. “You were—you just loved me.”
I opened my mouth to reply when Iris squawked on the bed.
“I need to finish feeding her,” I said, turning away and climbing onto the bed. Iris and I seemed to work best if I was lying down and she was pulled in against me, so I lifted her up and lay between her and Gunner. When we were situated, Shane took a few steps closer to the bed and climbed in behind Iris.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I asked in astonishment. The man must have brass balls.
“I’m not going to touch you,” he assured me, his face reddening. “I just—I wanted to be close for a minute, okay? I haven’t really got to see her much…”
Shane’s eyes left mine and landed on the small baby lying between us. He reached out and ran his finger over the back of her neck, making her startle a little.
“She’s really beautiful,” he commented, his voice almost a whisper. “Some babies, well, remember Keller? Some babies are cute just because they’re so small even though they look like a gremlin.”
I laughed a little. Keller had been such a homely baby.
“But she’s really gorgeous. She could model for baby food or something.”
“Our daughter isn’t modeling for anything.”
“Oh hell no. I just meant, well you know, she could.” His eyes met mine again. “Katie, I—”
“Don’t, Shane,” I cut in. “Just leave it for right now.”
“I want you to come home with us.”
“Shut up, Shane.”
“You belong at home with us. We’re your family.”
“Oh, you just decided this now?” I argued, clenching my jaw. “Kids weren’t so easy when you didn’t have help?”
“That’s got nothing to do with—”
“Sure it does. You couldn’t do it on your own, so now you’re hoping that I’ll come back and play nanny for you again. Fuck you.” I hissed as Iris’s mouth went slack and she slid off my nipple.
He reached out and grabbed my jaw firmly but gently when I tried to move away.
“I—” His words faltered as he stared at me, and his mouth opened and closed a few times before he shut his eyes in defeat. “I want you with us in San Diego,” he told me as I pulled away and scooped Iris up against my chest before crawling off the bed. “The kids and I want you with us.”
“Low blow,” I murmured as I set Iris down in her bassinet.
“It wasn’t meant to be a low blow. Christ, Kate. You want to be there, too.”
“I can’t go back to how it was before, Shane. You—” I closed my eyes and swallowed down the lump forming in my throat. “I had to just let you drag them away kicking and screaming.”
“I won’t ever do it again,” he assured me, taking a step forward. “I promise.”
“Yeah, well your promises mean very little to me,” I replied flatly. “Can you bring Gunner into the playpen in the kids’ room?”
“Yeah.” He sighed and picked Gunner’s limp-as-a-noodle body off the bed. “Just think about it, okay?”
I nodded and watched as he walked Gunner into the hallway. Then, overwhelmed, I crawled into bed and brought my hand to my mouth to cover my sobs.
I didn’t have to think about anything. I’d follow my children to California.
I was just terrified that I’d lose what little was left of me once I was there.
Chapter 14
Kate
Do you think this is the best idea?” my mom asked as she helped me pack up Iris’s clothes. “Why don’t you wait a couple of weeks and then Dad and I can drive you down—”
“I don’t want to be away from the kids that long,” I murmured back, zipping up the diaper bag.