Something So Perfect (Something So 2)

“Um, tomorrow would be good,” I say at the same time as Karrie says, “Never.”

I look at her and then back at Arnold, smiling.

“Matthew, can I have a word with you in the kitchen?” She walks to the fridge, taking out the orange juice. I can now see her little baby bump. “I’m going to say this once and only one time. If you install that fucking chair, I’m going to have you thrown out of this house and banned. I will call your mother, Cooper, and Allison if I have to for them to come and pack your stuff. You are getting me a senior citizen chair.” Her voice rises. “A SENIOR CITIZEN CHAIR, MATTHEW!” she yells out, my hands going to my hips.

“Babe, it’s dangerous going up and down the stairs. What if you slip walking up or down and I’m not here?” I ask her.

“What if I walk out of the house and a tree falls on me?” she counters. “What if I walk into the shower and slip?”

“We should get those non slip shower decals we saw on that infomercial.” I make a metal note to check online later.

She pours herself a glass of orange juice. “Matthew, thin ice. Get rid of that man, so help me God.”

“I can’t just get rid of him. He came on his day off,” I tell her, trying to convince her.

“I don’t care. That’s because you’re an idiot.” She turns to put her glass in the sink and then starts talking to herself. “Did he actually think I would be okay with that?” Her hands start going in the air. “He thinks I’m going to sit down and take a lift to get upstairs.” She puts the orange juice container in the fridge. “Your father is insane.” She grabs a bunch of grapes, bringing them to the sink, rinsing them off. “Why are you still here and not telling Arnold to leave?” she asks me and I’m almost tempted to ask another question, but she stands straight, daring me to so she can throw something at me.

“Okay, I’ll tell him we will discuss this and get back to him.” Her eyes glare at me, her lids half-mast. “Or that we changed our minds.” I don’t bother waiting for her answer. Instead, I go find Arnold, who is shaking his head trying not to laugh. “So change of plans.”

He nods, shaking my hand and telling me good luck.

When I walk back into the kitchen, I hear my mother’s voice fill the room. She FaceTimed my mother. Now it’s my turn to glare at her. “And then he had this man come over to put those senior chairs in the house.”

My mother shrieks while I hear Cooper in the background. “There’s nothing wrong with those chairs. It’s about safety.”

“See,” I tell her while I go to her, grabbing her shoulders in my hands, and looking into my mother’s face. “I knew Cooper would understand me. I didn’t want her to fall down the stairs. Shoot me for caring.”

I see Cooper come into the frame. “Karrie, I think you should give it some thought considering there are a lot of stairs to get to your bedroom.” He points out. “What if there was a power outage?” He continues while my mother shakes her head. “You have no windows going up the stairs. It’s a hazard.”

“See,” I tell Karrie, who looks at Cooper and then back at me. “He gets it.”

“It’s electric, so it won’t work if there’s no power,” she tells us both.

“It has a seven hour battery life,” Cooper and I say at the same time.

“He gets it because he’s a neurotic like you,” my mother says. “Karrie, when I was pregnant with the twins, he had a camera system installed in the house and he got live feeds on his phone every single time I would move.”

I laugh, thinking of the time he raced into the house because he thought she fell in the room, but she was in her closet looking for her other shoe and it was more comfortable lying down. “You also had the ambulance, fire department, and two police cars escorting you home.”

Mom looks up at Cooper. “You were over the top! He also tried to get the supermarket to only mop at night in case I walked in and slipped. He got contractors to come in and give an estimate to install an elevator.”

She stands there with her mouth open while Allison comes to the phone. “You’re so lucky she loves you!!!” She smiles, then shrugs her shoulders. “I mean, I would wait till you got in the shower and turn off the hot water, but hey, that’s just me.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t give her any ideas. You excited for tomorrow, squirt?” I ask her, hoping she is excited.