He grins slowly. “I woke up with a beautiful naked woman in my arms. I had an erection and no clothes. Did you want me to invite them up?”
“Oh.” My cheeks heat. I read that all wrong. “Not exactly. I just thought . . .” I shrug. “Last night was a one-time thing, right?”
His grin falls away. “I don’t know. I guess that depends on you.” He touches his thumb to my bottom lip. “I’m not sure I’ve had enough of you yet.”
My heart feels too big for my chest at the idea of spending another night in his arms, but I know I shouldn’t. Not with this lie between us. Not when I need to leave in February. “I just got out of a serious relationship. I think rushing into anything else would be a bad idea.”
He drops his hand and nods. “Right. I understand.”
I’m hurting him, and he doesn’t even flinch. Instead, he’s shifted back into his default state of sadness. “Ethan, it’s not you. You are amazing, and I . . .”
He shakes his head and steps back. “Let’s not do this, Nic. You don’t owe me an explanation. We were just a couple of adults enjoying each other, right?” His eyes skim over me. “And I’d say we succeeded.”
Then he leaves me alone in the kitchen, and all I want to do is rush after him and beg him to talk to me. But I don’t. Because all I want to say is my real name.
“You know what I’d like to do?” I ask Teagan.
“Model all that for Dr. McBroody Pants?”
I shake my head, pull out the drawer, and dump the lacy contents on the middle of the bed. After I pushed Ethan away with our kitchen conversation this morning, Teagan showed up to take me birthday shopping. When I told her I wasn’t in the mood, she insisted on hanging out. Now we’re in my room upstairs and she’s sitting on the bed where Ethan made love to me last night.
Not that I’ve told her that.
I’ve very deliberately not shared that little piece of information. I know if I did, I’d also share our conversation in the kitchen and how desperately I want to tell him the truth.
It would feel good to talk that out with someone, but I’m also afraid to. Afraid it’ll make me take a long, hard look at the mess I’ve made, and afraid I’ll have to admit that in my desperate attempt to escape yet another bad relationship, I’ve fallen in love.
“No. I’m not interested in modeling for anyone,” I say. “I’d like to have a bonfire with this stuff. I’m never going to wear it and feel sexy. These were all gifts from my bridal shower, and it’s always going to remind me of Marcus and the honeymoon that wasn’t.”
“That is a lot of lingerie.” Teagan and I turn to see Ethan’s youngest brother, Levi, in the doorway to my bedroom, his shoulder against the doorjamb and his eyes wide as he stares at the items cluttering the center of my bed.
“Nic wants to burn it,” Teagan says.
Levi winces like we just threw a punch to his gut. “Why?”
“I was supposed to wear it on my honeymoon,” I say. “Since my husband-to-be got my sister pregnant and went on that honeymoon with her instead, I don’t really want it anymore.”
He lets out a long, low whistle. “Ouch. Understood. But still, it seems kind of wasteful to just burn it.” He turns to Teagan and points a thumb at me. “She can’t feel sexy in it, but there’s no reason you couldn’t wear it.”
She rolls her eyes. “Girls don’t share lingerie.”
“Shh! Shh!” He shakes his head.
“And we don’t have pillow fights in our underwear.”
“Why do you have to do that? What did I ever do to you?”
Teagan grabs a pillow off my bed and throws it at him.
He catches it. “I’m just saying there’s a lot of sexy in that pile, and it’s wasteful to destroy it. I want to live in a world where no lingerie goes to waste.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Jake joins Levi in the doorway.
I sit on the edge of the bed and bury my face in my hands. “What are you even doing here?”
“Brayden’s getting the kitchen painted, so this is where we’re doing Jackson Sunday brunch.” Jake looks at the bed. “But I think the more important question is, what’s going on in here?”
“Nic is going to burn all that lingerie, and it’s never been worn,” Levi says.
I’m too busy waiting for the earth to swallow me whole to see Jake’s expression, but I hear him walking into the room, and when I peek at him through my fingers, he’s leaning over the bed surveying the contents of my pile. Why did I even bring this stuff? I could have left it with Teagan the day after I arrived in town. Or deposited it into the nearest trashcan. It’s not as if I ever intended to wear it.