My gaze remains firmly locked on my cell phone. It sits in front of me on my desk. A few seconds pass. Suddenly I lean forward and grab it. I hold onto it for a few seconds. I look at it again, then shake my head. I slowly put it back down on the desk.
This whole stupid ritual is one I’ve been repeating, over and over, every day since my date with Lorelai. Ever since that night, I have been a confused and emotional wreck. I don’t know why, this isn’t me. I never develop feelings or emotions. I don’t do attachments or relationships. So why am I acting like that’s what this is turning into? I have no idea.
I get up and look out my office window, gazing at the street below. My eyes follow a couple of people out walking. The anxious feelings are still building, making me restless, so I start pacing the length of my office. I’m kicking myself.
It was foolish of me to get her number. It was even more foolish to promise that I would call her. I knew temptation was going to get the better of me. Now that I have her number I’ll want to call her and see her again. I also feel guilty. I lied to her, I let her believe I would call.
I stop pacing and take a deep breath. I stand there and just fucking remind myself who I am and feel a little calmer. My mind a little more settled, I try again to focus, and I read through the stack of memos that’s on my desk.
But of course, my mind drifts right back.
I mean, I only paid for the one date and that’s all I needed right? I feel the doubt growing in my mind. I slam the paper that I was reading down on my desk in frustration. I can’t get her out of my head. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I put my head in my hands and groan loudly.
I’m going to have a wicked headache, or stomach ache if I keep thinking about this. Or both. Lifting my head, I reach into my desk drawer and pull out a couple of antacid, popping them into my mouth. I put the bottle back in the drawer and chew the chalky tablets.
I think about that night constantly. I could have listened to her talk all night, about flowers, her bridal shop…hell, she could read me the phone book and I think I’d still be smitten.
I loved it when she would laugh or smile. The way her eyes lit up in the moonlight. How I could see some of her freckles up close.
I think about that kiss. It had been perfect in a way I’d never experienced. I got to feel a little of her body when I pulled her closer. She had more than my heart at attention last night. I sigh wistfully. She’s sweet, and beautiful with a body built for sin. Ideally she is the perfect woman. Any other man would be all over her in a second. The only things that are holding me back are these feelings that I seem to be developing for her. And to anyone else, they’d be a good thing. But I always do my best to keep this from happening. But maybe this time I can’t help it, because I’ve never met anyone like her before.
She really is the complete package. She is the exact opposite of every woman I have been with. It’s just my luck that I happened to run into her at the auction. I play that night in my head again, all the way up until our kiss. Before I can stop myself, my thoughts go further. I imagine driving her home after the kiss. She invites me in. I can feel every curve of her body when she kisses me, pressing close. I imagine my fingers tangling in her red hair. Her eyes sparkling with desire.
She pulls off her dress and leads me to the bedroom. Then I’m naked in her bed, and when she joins me, I cover her body with kisses. I shower her with love. I can’t assume, but I’m guessing that from her timid personality, she might still be a virgin. Because of that, I want her first time to be special. I take it slow. Building up the moment. When we can’t stand it any longer, I’m inside of her. Her body feels firm and tight around me. I thrust slowly. I want her to feel every inch of me, to cry out my name as she cums.
There is something so thrilling about being the first to have a woman. At the same time it’s beautiful and emotional because you are their first time. I make slow sweet love to her. I’m gentle with each thrust.