“If only he wasn’t a bum,” Meegan snarled.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on. He rides a bike, in New York?”
“Yeah.”
“Is he carrying packages while he does it?”
“Not that I saw.”
“Then he’s a bum who can’t afford a car.”
There was no point in trying to argue with her. She would always dig in deep and wouldn’t let it go until I relented.
“I guess.”
“Guess nothing. Don’t let things get too serious with this loser. You’ve already been hurt by one asshole who disappeared as soon as Polly was born.”
Ouch. She never missed an opportunity to remind me.
“I know. We’re not really in a relationship. We just talk, is all. The picnic was a fun date but there is nothing more to it.”
It wasn’t really a lie. While it was mostly due to the lockdown, we hadn’t even touched each other yet.
But still – how intense and fulfilling that video-call had been, giving me more pleasure than any previous guy had ever managed to. Even though it only really came down to a very sexy conversation. I had intentionally left this part out, along with what had happened at the underground record store, with him introducing me to his friend and protecting us from the risk-takers.
“Good, it’s best if you keep your distance, and not just because of the lockdown either. You do have a daughter to think about.” She sniffed for emphasis and slammed back into her bedroom.
I hated when she did that. Using my own kid against me as though I wasn’t acutely aware that I was a mother.
It didn’t even matter anyway. Not with Leif. By all indications, he cared about Polly, and the feeling certainly seemed to be mutual.
I tried to forget about him, though. I didn’t want to, but I also didn’t want Meegan to make fun of me or lecture me anymore. The combination of her status as both a big sister and a nurse made her absolutely insufferable when she thought she was right.
I put Polly to bed, not letting the tears flow until I got to my room. Sadly slumping inside my own space, I stripped down, getting into my robe, which always made me feel better.
I saw the record Leif had bought me at the store. I put it on the desk until I could dig up my old player, wherever it might have ended up. My grandma had given it to me for my birthday years ago, some time before I could really appreciate how cool they could be.
Wonder of wonders, I actually found the thing, tucked in the back of the top shelf of my closet. After figuring out how to get it working, I put the record on, instinctively turning the volume down so I wouldn’t bother Meegan, who had always seemed to have an allergic aversion to anything cool or fun.
The music filled my head, sounding like echoed voices from the distant past, reverberating through great dark halls. I could understand, in both my mind and my bones, why Leif had chosen it for me. It was like escaping to a different realm.
I almost didn’t hear the alert. Pulling the record player’s plug from the socket, I rushed to the desk, tapping ACCEPT before my ass could hit the chair.
“Hey, pet.”
“Hi,” I said, my voice suddenly a whisper.
He did something to me where all my strength would flee, and it was like I was putty in his hands.
“Polly in bed?”
“Yeah, I put her down a while ago. I was listening to the record. The vinyl. I found my player.”
“What did you think?”
I wished so much I could have thought of something intelligent to say. How do you express such a life-changing moment?
It was like effing the ineffable. Adding insult to injury, had I been less set adrift among the metaphysical, he might not have heard what came next.
“Are you talking to that loser again? I thought you said you were done with him,” my sister’s voice hollered, loud and clear.
Leif looked like he had been punched in the stomach, though he was trying to hide it as the knife twisted.
“Leif, I—”
“I guess I’d better go,” he says.
Before I could stop him, before I could say another word, he ended the call. I looked at the paperweight I kept on my desk. Smooth and hard, made of fossilized amber.
I resisted the powerful urge to chuck it at Meegan’s head as she stood triumphant in the doorway. She smirked at me as she closed the door again.
I started writing him a message explaining that there was a misunderstanding. That I had said we weren’t together, that it wasn’t true, but that it was only to get my sister off my back, and that I wanted to talk to him. To explain everything.
I read it over before deleting it. It was all accurate, but I didn’t want Leif to have to damage his pride by talking to someone he thought wasn’t into him.