“You look different,” she says, suddenly.
“What do you mean?” I ask, looking over at the mirror on the wall by my door. Touching my cheek, I don’t look that much different than I did this morning, except my hair. My hair looks like a tornado touched down and messed it all up. My cheeks are flushed too.
“You slept with someone didn’t you?” she asks, looking me over once again.
“How’d you know that?” I ask, mortified. Is it written on my face or something?
“Every woman gets that… glow when they fall in love,” she says smiling. “Is it someone from work?” she asks, sitting back down on the couch, where she had taken up residence waiting for me.
“Oh my God, Mom, please. I don’t think other women talk to their moms about stuff like this,” I say.
“Fuck that. Tell me.”
“No, he’s not from work. I just met him tonight,” I answer. I can’t help smiling when I think about Beck.
“Oh, Taryn. This is all my fault,” she laments, somehow making the best thing to ever happen to me all about her.
“I should have explained this to you. I never thought you’d go for something like this. You don’t even like it when I hug you. You don’t understand what’s happening. You had a one-night stand,” she says, condescendingly patting my arm.
“I did know that. That’s why I came home,” I huff like a damn teenager. She just nods and leaves me be.
I know I have some issues, but is she always going to treat me like a child? It’s getting old.
After taking a quick shower, I climb into my bed, and immediately I regret leaving Beck’s warm, strong arms. Having them wrapped around me was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. For the first time in a long time, I cry myself to sleep. Sometimes not having normal emotions has its advantages.
Why did I leave him? I can never go back there now. Once he knows the real me, he won’t want to deal with me. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I cry even harder. Why am I the way that I am? More and more that question comes up and I don’t have an answer, at least not an answer I am satisfied with.
In the end, I chalk it up to an experience I’ll never forget, nor will I duplicate. Beck’s ruined me for other men, not that I ever thought of another man. It is what it is and now I just have to get through this trial.
What’s the worst that can happen?
Chapter Four
Kyle
I woke up, needing her again, only to find her gone. How could she just get up and leave in the middle of the night like that? I never got her number or her last name because I was so desperate to be inside of her that I forgot to be practical. Even in a small town like Silver Falls, it’s still large enough that I have no idea who she is or where to find her.
I drag myself out of bed and into a hot shower before heading into work. I skip shaving so I look a bit scruffy. Peggy, my administrative assistant, is already making the first batch of coffee for today. We love our coffee in the Silver Falls clerk’s office. We go through at least three pots a day. Peggy is probably old enough to be my grandmother, but she’s worked here through eight clerks. She knows what she’s doing. She’s the best assistant I’ve ever had. Her retirement is fast approaching, and I don’t know what I’ll do when she’s gone. This morning, she’s singing Post Malone’s “Take What You Want” rather loudly. Every day the concert changes artists, but she’s always singing. She’s too damn chipper in the morning. I don’t know how she does it.
“Morning, boss,” she says. Her midwestern accent can be grating at times, never more so than this morning. Growing up in Chicago, I heard it occasionally, but here in Silver Falls, everyone sounds like they are an extra in Fargo. “Archer Moran was just in. He said he’ll stop by later. He needed a warrant and the judge has a trial going on this week.”
“Thanks, Peggy. Send him to my office when he comes back in and I’ll take care of it.”
“Sure thing, hon. Coffee?”
“No thanks.”
“You sure you’re okay? You look different,” she says, giving me a once over.
“Yes. I’m sure. I just overslept,” I tell her, running my hand over the scruff on my face. “I’ll be in my office going over some paperwork.”
“No problem,” she says as I move through the desk cluster, saying hello to my employees. I’ve never been in charge of so many people before. When I was a lawyer, I just had one paralegal that I was responsible for.