“I’ve been grown up for a while now, mom. I know it’s hard to see that because I have issues, but I am a fully functioning adult. Yes, of course, any kind of social interaction has me tail spinning for days, but I got myself into this and I’ll get myself through it.”
“You didn’t get into this by yourself, Taryn. There’s a man out there responsible for this.”
“If he’s meant to be mine, he’ll come back to me.”
“The world doesn’t work that way, Taryn. Not in the least. You have a rude awakening coming if you think that man will come for you.”
“Gee, thanks, Mom,” I say.
“You aren’t a dreamer, Taryn. You’re practical to a fault. You know that I’m right.” I roll my eyes. I would love to prove her wrong, just this once.
Even though I am doing this on my own, it’s good to know that my mom is in my corner, though I wish Beck were in it too. I know it’s crazy but after less than one night, I am in love with that man, wherever he is. I wonder if I’ve crossed his mind at all.
Chapter Six
Kyle
Five Months Later
Sitting on my back porch of my still empty house, I light my cigar, more out of habit than anything else. I don’t really have any interest in smoking it. It’s late and the only light all around me is the cherry of my cigar. It’s been five months and still, I haven’t found what I’m looking for. Who I’m looking for is more to the point. She’s nowhere. I’ve haven’t seen her at the bar or the grocery store or even the diner. Everyone goes to the diner, but not Taryn.
Not for the first time, I wonder if she was from out of town. Came and left without a second thought. That could explain my inability to find her. I throw back my whiskey, savoring the burn and stare off into the nothingness of the night. Every once in a while, a lightning bug appears and disappears just as fast as it came, reminding me that it’s summer. It’s been five long, lonely months since I first tasted her, fucked her, and fell in love with her.
Something has to give. I torture myself on a daily basis because I lost her before I ever really had her. If it weren’t for the fact that she’s ingrained in my soul, I’d have thought she was a dream. When I went home to Chicago for Easter, my friends tried to get me to go out and meet someone new, but they just don’t understand that I’ve already met the one. It would feel like cheating to me and that’s something I could never and would never do. Every waking moment is filled with thoughts of her. Fuck, even my damn dreams are too. I’m at my breaking point. I haven’t slept properly in months. I have done nothing but eat, go to the gym, and work. Anything to try to keep my mind off of Taryn, but nothing works. Nothing. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am just going through the motions at this point. I curse myself daily for being overeager like a fucking teenager.
Exhausted or maybe defeated is a better word, I snuff out the unsmoked cigar, grab my now empty glass and head back inside. Tomorrow is another day. Another day without her, but another day, nonetheless.
At work, everything is shit. Run for clerk of the court they said, it’ll be an easy job especially in Silver Falls. Nothing could be further from the truth. With the new drug, Venom, out there on the streets, we’ve had fifty warrants just this week about it. It’s only ten o’clock but twice already I’ve had to deal with asshole lawyers who didn’t file the necessary paperwork to get a date before the judge. It’s hit home hard that I used to be just like these assholes. Before the day is out, I am sending flowers to Loretta Klinger in the Cook County Clerk’s office. She put up with my shit attitude more times than I care to admit. She had the patience of a saint. Flowers seem like the best way to apologize.
With Sue still out on maternity leave and Cora out sick, I have my hands full today. The first of the month is when most people come in to pay the fines associated with their cases, and I’m the only one here who can take them. I’ve got Peggy on the phones and I am manning the counter. After I take a payment and issue the receipt, I expect another person to step forward, as it’s been steady all morning, but there is no one. Going into my office, leaving the door open, I sit down and work on some paperwork until the next person comes in. There’s a bit of a lull, which I’m thankful for, but I’ve got enough other bullshit to keep me occupied. I file warrant after warrant that’s been signed by Judge Allenson. The old codger has been granting them left and right where Venom is concerned.