I didn’t move or blink as someone untied me from the door.
I didn’t breathe or speak as I stumbled to Elder and kneeled beside him.
Gathering his head, I pulled him toward me, hugging him, stroking his drenched black hair.
I didn’t know how long he stayed unconscious.
I didn’t know how long blood seeped into my skin where I kneeled and I didn’t care conversations and life went on around us.
All I cared about was the man who’d just become a weapon.
A man who took a life with a single touch.
Elder had given himself over to something dark, and he’d won.
He’d become more dangerous than any man who’d tried to buy me. More terrifying than any moment I’d endured so far.
He was everything I was afraid of and everything I’d grown to adore.
I was confused.
I was afraid.
I was in awe and shock and thankfulness.
He’d defeated his past, conquered his enemies, and proven once and for all he was unstoppable.
But at what cost?
What sort of man would he be when he woke up?
And what could I do to make the monster I fell in love with return to me?
Chapter Twenty-Five
______________________________
Elder
I WOKE LIGHTHEADED and nauseous.
My eyes opened to let in blinding light, followed quickly by the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
Pim stared down at me, her nose almost on mine, tears dangling on her lashes like jewels. “You’re awake.”
I swallowed back the rank stench of death and jerked in her arms as every injury and illness I suffered returned in full force.
The pressure almost knocked me out again.
Fading, promising, whispering.
I was so close to succumbing—to letting the sanctity of sleep prevent more buckling pain.
All it would take was one breath and slip.
But I couldn’t.
I clung tight to life even though it hurt like fucking hell.
For any normal person, passing out would be met in equal amounts of relief and exhaustion. They’d accept that they’d done enough…for now…and to rest—to be able to admit that they’d reached the point where nothing else was possible and to finally, finally relax after decades of running and revenge.
But I never claimed to be normal.
The blackness I’d embraced still coated my insides and thoughts. An inky slime that whispered of power and destruction as deadly as gunpowder.
I didn’t want to give up its power, but at the same time, I didn’t want to touch Pim with such filth residing in my heart.
If I passed out now, who knew what I’d be when I woke. Who knew if Daishin’s soul would hitch a ride on mine. If reincarnation would switch my life for his and I’d forever end up in purgatory for what I’d done.
No.
The only thing I could do—the only thing possible, even in my current state of brokenness, was to stand and breathe and live.
Looking up, I winced at the terror on Pim’s face. She studied me as if afraid of the same thing I was—searching my eyes, hoping to see the man she knew but horrified she’d find something different.
Flinching beneath every agony, I reached up and cupped her cheek. “I’m okay, little mouse.”
She crumpled over me, her hair curtaining around us as she kissed me everywhere. I permitted her love, stroking her back, willing her to understand I hadn’t forgotten who I was or what I’d promised.
I wanted to snap my fingers to a time where we were alone and safe and the aftermath of this carnage was behind us so we could rest, but it wasn’t over yet.
I had other tasks I needed to complete.
“Help me stand,” I whispered, grateful when she obeyed, scurrying off me and lending me her strength.
In an impossible move, I managed to trade the floor for air and stood swaying as vertigo twisted my world upside down.
I stumbled forward—barely cohesive—holding onto the woman I needed more than anything.
My ankle had put in its sick notice and stopped working days ago. My elbow was a close second to pulling a worker’s strike, and my shoulder felt as if the bullet hole had increased until my entire joint was open to the elements.
In short, I needed to rest after some serious medical attention.
But I couldn’t.
Not yet.
Tonight wasn’t finished even though dawn had arrived.
I grunted as Pim kissed me again, dragging my thoughts from things to do to people I needed to care for. Her lips were rampant and passionate, more forceful than she’d ever been.
Latching her arms around me, she pressed kisses to my sweaty, bloody face and breathed strangled whispers into my ear. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
I pulled her away, narrowing my eyes at the finger lacerations swelling purple around her neck.
Goddammit.
I’d done my best to keep her safe, yet again, I’d failed.
I shook my head, cursing the unstable room and the steady creep of my condition tiptoeing into my tiredness.
The mess.
Fuck, the mess all around us.
The stench of death. The reek of blood. The sight of utter mayhem. My condition normally meant I was tormented by numbers and patterns. As long as I could avoid repetitive songs or thoughts, I could get by.