I’d never felt this wretched. This torn and shattered and exhausted.
All I wanted was a shower and bed and not to wake until I was back to full health. But that would have to wait because my evening wasn’t finished yet.
I’d removed the Chinmoku from Mercer’s house.
I had yet to remove them from mine.
Jolfer met us as the three of us took the elevator from garage to top deck. His face was sombre; his eyes serious. We needed to debrief and talk about the Chinmoku stealing on board a second time. We needed to have staff meetings on what protocols worked and what didn’t. We needed to make sure everyone was on the same page going forward.
But right now…we had more pressing things to attend to.
Grabbing Pim’s hand, I pulled her to face me and tucked a loose, messy strand behind her ear. For a woman who’d already endured her fair share of evil, she’d been bathed in it since meeting me.
I wanted to take her into my room and wash her gently. I wanted to hold her as she fell asleep and beg her to tell me what she was thinking. We hadn’t talked since this started. I had no idea if she was okay or freaking out or shutting down.
But again, our reconnection would have to wait.
My brain had fixated on finishing this. And I had no choice but to carry that out.
“Go to bed, little mouse.” I kissed her forehead, inhaling the faint smell of Pim under the sickly stench of death. “There’s something I need to finish.”
She knew what sort of gruesome work I spoke of, and her days in the darkness had provided her with enough apathy to deal with the dead—especially the dead who’d dabbled in slavery and dwelled on the wrong side of the law.
However, I didn’t want her taking part in the next stage. Even if my yacht judged me—whispering that my past might’ve been dealt with, but I still had other bridges to cross and repair. Even if I hobbled and hurt and hadn’t slept in days, my task was not yet over.
My task.
Not hers.
She looked up, her fingers landing on my chest like tiny butterflies. I barely registered she touched me, yet my body burned beneath her fingertips. “I want to help.”
I shook my head, kissing her again and pushing her gently toward my quarters. “You’ve done more than enough.”
“But—”
“No buts. I need to do this on my own.”
Our eyes locked; arguments rose and fell on her face. I understood her desire to stay by my side and be equal in each task, but I didn’t want to layer yet more insanity onto her. She knew what I was about to do, and I rather she stayed away.
I’d leaned on her too much as it was. I’d failed her too many times to count. In this, I wouldn’t be swayed.
“Go.” I pointed at my room. “I’ll come to you soon.”
Her lips pursed, but finally, she nodded. Flicking a glance at Jolfer and Selix beside me, she gave me a sweet, sad smile. “Don’t be too long.” With weary steps, she turned and disappeared in the direction of my quarters.
The moment she was gone, I snapped my gaze to Jolfer. “Sail now. When you hit deep water where the shelf falls away and there are kilometres between us and the bottom, let me know.”
The unusual request was met with a raised eyebrow but utter obedience. “It will take a few hours, at least.”
“I’ll wait.”
I’d wait all night if I had to, but I would wait far away from Pimlico.
I wouldn’t relax. I wouldn’t move into a fresh future—not with the bodies of twenty-one Chinmoku rotting in a van beneath my feet.
Jolfer stepped toward the bridge. “Oh, what’s the itinerary this time around? Do you have a destination in mind? Or is this a ‘see where the tide takes us’ kind of journey?”
I closed my eyes, hating how they stung from lack of rest. I’d sleep for a century once this was finished.
The right answer would be to just sail. To see where the currents took us with no pressure or deadline.
Pim deserved that.
I deserved that.
Shit, everyone deserved a holiday after the past few months.
But just like the Phantom was no longer entirely my confidant and friend, my own heart wasn’t satisfied with ending this way.
I’d cleaned up my mess.
It was time to tell those who mattered that they were no longer hunted for my mistakes.
“Set course for America. It’s time I paid my family a visit.”
* * * * *
Seven hours.
That was how long it took to clear boat traffic and reach an area where the sonar showed a cliff far below us. The world fallen away beneath our feet—a shelf turning solid into nothingness.
The void was over two kilometres deep.
A perfect grave for men I never wanted to be found.