Thousands (Dollar 4)

“And you know I’m strong enough.”

He squeezed his eyes closed. “That’s the part that terrifies me.”

“All things worth having are terrifying.”

He snorted under his breath, glancing at me with blue-black hair dancing over his forehead. “Then you must be the greatest thing on earth, Pimlico, because you fucking petrify me.”

My belly danced, clawing at me to release the fluttering of moths and winged things and take flight. To soar up his tall body and claim his mouth. To whisper against his lips all manner of promises—some I had the strength to keep and others I was still too fragile to grant.

But I couldn’t do any of those things as Jolfer stepped into our passion, popping it as surely as a pin would a bubble. “Sir, we’ll be docked in fifteen minutes. The car is serviced and ready to go. Selix already has your itinerary, and the appointments you asked the staff to make are all arranged.”

Elder jerked back, returning me from the midnight depths of his eyes to the dreary English drizzle. “Thank you, Jolfer.”

Jolfer, with his kind, weathered face, nodded politely, tapped his temple at me in respect, and then carried about his duties to bring the Phantom home for her well-earned rest.

Unable to return to the deeply raw place we’d been before, I asked, “Appointments?”

Elder rolled his neck as if doing his best to shed what’d happened and realign himself in the now. “Dress fitting for you. Tux fitting for me. Then hair and makeup before the masquerade at Hawksridge.”

“Why does it have to be a masque?”

I hated not being able to see people’s faces…to see their plotting.

“I’m of the same opinion. If it wasn’t for work, I’d cancel.”

Far off memories of paper mache masks and faceless men bidding on me at auction trickled like tar. I clamped down on such things. Tonight would be different. Tonight, I would be with Elder and safe.

Forcing myself into brightness, I nudged his shoulder with mine. “I’m getting a new dress?” I smiled as if I was superficial enough to only care about a wardrobe.

He didn’t buy it. “Next time you feign excitement, try to do it over something I know you don’t hate.”

I laughed softly. “I didn’t hate it when you made me wear that lingerie.” I blushed and flushed and glanced at the polished deck beneath our feet. “The way you looked at me…it made the claustrophobia worth it.”

Elder sucked in a breath, tattered and heavy and so full of regret—it pierced my heart like countless arrows, their feathered shafts quivering painfully.

“I…” He squeezed the back of his neck as his shoulders slouched. “Goddammit, Pim.”

For some reason, tears prickled my eyes. It wasn’t tears of sadness but more of frustration. I had the power to relieve him of his stress, if only he trusted me as I trusted him.

Instinct told me to pull away, but I fought it and swayed into him instead.

He froze as I wrapped my arms around him, wriggling between him and the banister to lay my head against his chest. I stiffened as his heartbeat filled my ears. It wasn’t the steady thunder I expected but a lightning storm. Fast and fleeting as if being touched by me made his heart work triple time to keep him standing.

He rested his chin on my hair as his arms hesitatingly came around me.

We stood there like that for I didn’t know how long. Breathing each other in. Listening to the havoc we played on each other’s bodies. Unable to say what we truly wanted but knowing anyway.

Finally, he kissed my hair, murmuring, “There is one appointment that isn’t so superficial. It doesn’t include clothes or makeup or glitzy ridiculous balls. Will you go with me?”

“I’d go anywhere with you.”

“In that case…let’s go.”

* * * * *

I stood outside a nondescript entrance overshadowed by turrets and towers. Barbwire and soaring chain-link glittered in the clearing rain, surrounded by brick walls and whitewashed window frames.

It could’ve been any number of corporate buildings: a hospital, a no-frills university—somewhere where wire and spikes were required to keep its inhabitants safe, not for locking them in.

I preferred to think of it that way: a school. A school where my mother taught and studied her favourite criminal patients, diving into the minds of psychopaths before walking from such a depressing place and going home to a warm apartment filled with comfy familiarity.

But it wasn’t a school, and this wasn’t a fantasy.

I’d never understood my mother’s love of delving deep into what made a criminal tick, and now…she is one.

I baulked as Selix slammed the car door behind me and Elder held out his arm. I didn’t know the name of the prison or even what suburb we’d driven to.

All Elder had told me was it was important and to trust him.

Most of the drive through congested English motorways and then quaint village roads, I’d pondered on the hypocrisy of such a request.