She thought I was the one who needed to spill things?
That I’d dump the rest of my heart out like I’d done the previous night?
Hell, no.
The next time we talked, every subject would be about her. I’d tell her what I knew and she’d better to all things holy tell me everything she knew in return. I wanted to know what school she went to. What her friends were called. What her favourite subject was. Her favourite movie, colour, smell, taste. I wanted to own her every memory, not because such things would solidify my feelings for her, but because I needed to make what was hers mine.
I needed it more than my next smoke or cello session.
I needed it too damn much.
Whirling around, I bared my teeth. “This isn’t about me. This is about you.”
Doubt filled her gaze, searching my face for clues on what the topic might be. “If it was about last night…”
“It’s not.”
Her eyebrows hung over her gaze in a wounded look. “Okay.” Energy filled her spine, inflating her to stand tall regardless she was naked. Once again, she was in the form of dress she preferred, and it looked fucking stunning on her. “Are we sailing somewhere new tonight?”
I fought the urge to close my eyes, so I didn’t drown under her perfection. So I didn’t stare at her nipples or the sleek lines of her belly leading to the one place I wanted more than anything.
“Tomorrow.” My voice was a scratch on vinyl. “In the morning, you have a few doctor visits. Then we’re setting sail.”
“Oh.” She looked down, her fingers darting as if she played an imaginary chord just like I did when I got stressed.
“Oh?” Every inch of me craved to capture her hands, to slip my fingers up her thigh and—
Goddammit, get it together.
“What’s wrong?” I huffed.
“Nothing.” She smiled bright, fake. Moving to push past me, she lowered her gaze, hiding her true thoughts.
I didn’t budge. “There’s something.” I crossed my arms, barricading her path. “Tell me.”
“It’s fine. Truly.”
“I don’t like liars, Pim. And I definitely don’t like people withholding the truth.”
Hypocrite.
Tell her. Right now. Tell her about her mother.
But I didn’t because I had fucking double standards and expected more from Pim than I did myself.
Bastard.
Pim swallowed, bracing her shoulders. “I just…I thought…you know what, it doesn’t matter. Never mind.”
I vibrated in frustration. For her to tempt me with conversation and then deny it…yeah, that isn’t gonna go down so well. Lust built. Self-control wavered. Danger brewed. “Everything about you matters, Pim. Every random thought. Every request you’re too afraid to say.” I lowered my voice, trying to hide my snarl. “Tell me and don’t refuse again.”
She threw her chin up in defiance. “You said you’d give me one night. You told me you’d take me. That we’d—” She waved her hand in the air. “You know.”
“Have sex.”
She glanced at her toes. “Yes.”
“And you’re disappointed? Hurt? Wishing you could take it all back?”
“No!” Her eyes popped wide. “Not at all. How could you even ask that?”
“I can ask because I knew you weren’t ready. I shouldn’t have used you like that.”
“You didn’t use me.” Her cheeks warmed. “I mean, last night…it was the best night of my life. You showed me how to own my body again. You showed me what it’s capable of yet—”
“Yet what?”
“You gave me something incredible, Elder. You gave me pleasure. You are the first person I’m not afraid of. The first man I willingly want to touch and kiss. That’s huge. Life changing. You have no idea what that means to me.”
Heat twined its way around my heart, but I shot it away. “And your point is?”
She flinched a little at my cold-heartedness but pushed on. “My point is I was only able to come and enjoy what happened between us because you let me touch you. You let me kiss you. You let me use you as my anchor.”
I didn’t see her point. My arms shook as I battled the need to either yell at her to spit it out or run. Run back to the Phantom and grab my cello, so I had something to do with my hands, my mind, my sanity.
“Wrap it up, Pim. I’m late.”
Work was a good excuse. It wasn’t running if I had prior engagements.
She slammed her hands on her hips. “What I’m trying to say, Elder, is you can’t give me something like that and then refuse to give it again.”
A dark chuckle fell from my lips. “That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.”
“What? How?” Temper glowed in her eyes. “I just told you I was able to achieve an orgasm—something that was the holy grail never to be achieved for a girl like me—thanks to you. I just told you how much it meant to me to be able to touch you, kiss you, and now you’re telling me I can never have that again? Don’t you get it? I could only come because it was you. And now I don’t have you anymore. You want to talk and that only means one thing.”