But I did. And maybe it was better to discover he was an asshole before I got in deeper with him. Ha, deeper with Ream could’ve been one more night and then he’d have ended it anyway.
His attempt to talk to me again the night I arrived home from the hospital. Well, I was like a kid and ignored him, pretended he didn’t exist. Ream didn’t take well to being ignored and cornered me against the fridge when everyone was outside on the deck. Maybe I hadn’t been completely defeated by him because I hauled off and slapped him across the face.
He’d been so shocked … that look … it was haunting.
For eight months now I’d lived with that look tiptoeing through my dreams like a dark shadow. Popping out when I least expected it. Month after month passed, and I kept thinking about it. Had I seen that look in his eyes before? Had I been so angry at him that I couldn’t see past it until the moment I felt the impact of my hand against his cheek? It was like I’d struck myself. I cracked open and saw what I’d been missing all this time—his torment hidden beneath all that anger.
Ream walked out after that. The sting of my hand still burning. He never said another word. He just strode out the front door.
And now, eight months later, he was about to walk back in.
Emily texted me a few weeks ago letting me know the band was coming back to stay at the farm, including Ream. I thought it would be fine, that it wouldn’t affect me, but the truth was that Ream would always affect me in some capacity.
No matter what other flavors of ice-cream were at your table, if your favorite sat among them, it was nearly impossible to avoid tasting. Your body controlled your reactions, and you couldn’t do anything about it.
“So, Banana Cake, you decide what you’re going to do about Ream?” Georgie took a bite out of her apple and juice slid from the corner of her mouth. Her tongue darted out and licked the remnants, then she winked at me. “There’s some serious tension between you, and now with Lance … I vote sit on his face and make him lick you until he’s begging for mercy and end this shit between you.”
I shot her a nasty bitch glare. She knew damn well that mentioning Ream licking any part of me would awaken the dormant desire I’d buried for the last two years and eight months since we’d slept together. Well, tried to bury. I hadn’t been able to go past first base with a single guy since Ream. Pathetic. Thank God Ream didn’t know that, and I’d made sure he thought otherwise. I wouldn’t be thought of as some weak, vulnerable chick he put his dick into.
I retorted, “Deck haul your drunk ass out of Avalanche lately?” Deck, scary JTF2 commando guy, constantly dragged Georgie out of her latest drinking incident. He protected her like she was some glass figurine. Georgie was anything but glass, more like rubber because she always bounced back from whatever shit she got herself into.
“Nope. Left three days ago, thank fuck. I was getting tired of buying batteries for my vibrator.”
I choked on my soda water, and a fine spray escaped my mouth. “What? I didn’t think you liked him? I mean—at all. You’re always bitching about him.”
Georgie took another bite then tossed the core into the disposal. “Don’t need to like a guy to get off on him. You see what’s between his legs?”
“Actually, no.”
“Well, look next time. Besides, it’s dry season. Haven’t seen a hot, fuckable guy in months. Well, except maybe Lance and he’s out of bounds, stupid girl-rule and all.”
Like Georgie would ever try and shag a guy I was dating. Shit, I wasn’t even sure Georgie had ever had sex with a guy. I mean she talked like she did, acted like she did, but she’d never had a boyfriend, and her mouthing off about sex was never anything but that … mouthing off. If she was sleeping with random guys, Emily and I sure as hell didn’t know about it.
“Your new guy is something edible, fuckable … all of the above. But Deck is my go to man. Strictly fantasy of course.”
“Of course.” I nodded. I had enough fantasies of my own to write a book, and that book needed burning because it contained only one guy. “So why not sleep with him?” I saw the way Deck looked at her; there was something there besides his oath to her brother to watch over her. Riot, her brother’s call name in the JTF2, had died years ago when he and Deck were on a mission in Afghanistan. Deck left JTF2, the Canadian counterterrorism unit, after that and started his own business. I wasn’t sure what it entailed except undercover dangerous shit.
Georgie hesitated for a second, and I caught a brief flash of uncertainty. Then it was gone and she was all attitude again. “Because Deck is no fun. He’s a fusspot for rules. I bet he has rules on how to fuck … yeah, no thank you. Missionary isn’t my thing. I’ll stick to my fantasy Deck.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. Deck was intense, quiet, controlling, and mysterious. I was guessing the guy was the same way in bed, and that was hot. Ream was that way. He was all that and more.
It was a shock to discover and maybe that’s what ruined me for all the other flavors because dammit, I still felt his body on top of mine, his cock inside of me, and the unrelenting sweetness of his mouth on my lips. I pictured him standing in the kitchen making dinner. I felt his hands around me as he dragged me out from beneath the tractor and remembered the look in his eyes, the frown on his face as if he’d been concerned for my safety.