I avoided facing shit like this. But this … this was something I needed to talk to him about because it’s what brought us to where we were now. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Jesus, Kat. I saw the needle and it was my sister all over again. I freaked out.” He sighed and ran his hand back and forth over his head. “You told me and … all I could think about was you dying like she did, trips to the hospital. I couldn’t go through caring about someone only to lose them again. But, Kat, I freaked, got my head together, and I came to the bar to talk to you, to see if we could—”
“Could what? Work it out? You just said you couldn’t go through it again.” That morning I’d lost more than just Ream. I’d lost a part of me. He took what I feared the most and shoved it back in my face with his reaction. I hid it from everyone to protect me from his exact reaction. I felt dirty and worthless. He’d destroyed that and I’d been struggling to get it back ever since. I think I wouldn’t have cared so much if we hadn’t developed that friendship between us first. He ruined everything. I didn’t have it in me to have him do it to me again no matter what his past had thrown at him.
His voice hardened. “Fuck, I don’t have the answers, but I came to find you because I cared and I wanted to explain. We were friends, Kat.”
“Yeah, we were. But friends don’t run out on one another when they don’t like hearing something.”
His jaw tightened. “You were fucking another guy two days after we were together,” he shouted.
“Not technically.” It was meant to be sassy and flippant. It wasn’t.
“Fuck, how could you do that?”
Because I’d been hurt and angry and needed my dignity back. I wanted to feel powerful and in control after Ream had stripped it away.
“It doesn’t matter now.” He sighed, lowering his head and shaking it back and forth. “You know, she was always laughing and bright. She trusted everyone. Once she was …” He stopped abruptly. “She got hooked on the drugs, and I couldn’t get her back.”
I asked the only thing I could, “What was her name?”
“Haven.”
His half-broken words put a dent in the shield I had around me because I knew about devastation, about loss, the emptiness. The waking up every day and feeling like you’re missing pieces of yourself. A twin … I couldn’t fathom the connection they must have had and what it would mean to lose.
“What about your parents?”
I saw the moment the coldness guarding what he hid from everyone descended over him. It was like a dam had been opened then suddenly slammed shut with a loud bang.
He pursed his lips together in a tight line. “Don’t know who my father is and my mother is dead to me.”
“Ream …” I couldn’t help myself as I felt the anguish mixed with anger pour through him. My fingertips brushed against the bare skin of his arm and I wanted to hold him, but I couldn’t. I had to keep him at a distance. “I’m sorry about Haven.”
“Me too.” He looped his arm around my neck and dragged me into him. I was completely caught off guard by his sudden gentle display of affection and found myself snuggled up against his chest. He kissed the top of my head and then softly stroked my hair. The tips of his fingers touched my bare skin at the back of my neck, and I sucked in air from the intimacy of it.
“Baby.” His voice was a low whisper, caressing my insides like a feather. “I fucked up. With my sister … with you. I’m all screwed up inside.” I went to draw back so I could look up at him, but his arms tightened around me and he refused to let me go. “Not done yet.” I sighed then rested my cheek against his chest and listened to his heart thump and his long drawn in breaths. “I can’t take back the things I said to you over the last few years. Fuck. I was so angry at you for hooking up with that guy. Then the flirting shit with Crisis. Hearing you talk about fucking other guys like you did it all the time. And shit maybe you do, I don’t know.” His hand stroked my back. “What I do know is that you’re all I’ve thought about.” He tightened his hold. “I’m not letting you go, I can’t do it anymore.”
This time I used my palms against his abdomen and pushed. He loosened his hold, but just enough so I could meet his eyes. “Ream, it won’t work. It’s too late.”
His eyes flashed with something that I didn’t recognize. “This wasn’t a discussion.”
Whoa. What? “Ream—”
His head tilted then lowered, and I gasped just before his lips took mine. It was hard and unrelenting, and a tidal wave of desire shot through me. Tingling peppered across my skin and when his hand curled into my hair and yanked my head back, I sucked in air, taking his into my lungs.
When he pulled back, I knew my lips were swollen and red from his grueling kiss.
“Tell me you can walk away from that.”
“I did before and I will again.” Shit, I had to tell him about Lance.
Ream took both my hands in his. “No.”
I huffed. “You can’t force this, Ream.”
His brows raised and the corners of his lips curved upwards. It was rare Ream ever smiled and I was a little uneasy as to what he was thinking. “Oh, baby, I won’t need force.” He kissed my forehead. “We’ll see how long it lasts.”
“How long what lasts?” My voice raised an octave as I watched his eyes flicker with amusement.
“It will be entertaining.” He grinned and my pulse rate tripled at the rare sight.
I didn’t like the sound of that. “What will be?”