I struggled to get away. “Damn it let me go.”
He picked me up off my feet and started carrying me away from the door. Molly was at the top of the stairs, her eyes wide and her fist held to her mouth as she watched.
“Put me down.” I kicked with both legs and heard him grunt. My nerves shot off like rockets and the pins and needles played dominos on my legs. I knew within minutes if I didn’t slow down and calm down, they’d go numb.
But I had to know. If I didn’t see for myself, I’d always wonder why Crisis wouldn’t let me in that door. Somewhere inside me I already knew what I’d see. The emotional upheaval was ripping at my insides with a rusted jagged knife. Because I knew. I knew Ream was in bed with another woman. I felt it. Crisis wouldn’t be so adamant about me leaving unless it was something so devastating.
And I had to know for sure. I had to see with my own eyes. Because I couldn’t believe that Ream would ever do that to me.
He wouldn’t do that.
He can’t destroy us.
Oh God, Ream.
Don’t break us.
I jammed my elbow back into Crisis’s face, and he cursed as his arm released me. I stumbled back toward the room, my hand on the banister for support. He yelled for me to stop as he came running after me.
I threw open the door.
It was like I was watching a scene in slow motion and I was in it. The long drawn in breath that caught on the gagging fish hook in my throat. A hook that had pierced through my heart and was slowly being dragged from my body.
I was choking.
Unable to breathe.
Unable to move.
The agony ripping me apart, and all I could do was stand there and look at him.
Ream didn’t just break us.
Ream executed us.
***
My half sob, half scream was like a tortured cat in the dead of night.
Ream lay on his stomach, his face turned away from me. On his right arm I saw the butterfly tattoo and maybe if I hadn’t, I would’ve tried to find a way to believe it was some other man lying naked with a woman beside him.
But it was Ream, and the girl was curled into him, her hand in his hair as she leaned on her elbow watching me. I stared frozen, unable to move, as I met her brilliant green eyes that were filled with a cocky, knowing gleam.
The stark white sheets were tossed aside, and it was from the guy with the lean, hard body lying on Ream’s other side. I choked on my gasp as I saw the young guy’s hand on Ream’s ass, gently stroking. He caught my eye and then squeezed and ran his finger down the crack.
No. Oh God, no.
The guy chuckled and the lanky blonde girl shifted, snuggling into him further, her head lowering. It was obvious she was kissing him, although Ream never moved even when the guy began to crawl on top of Ream.
I put my hand over my mouth and staggered backwards, my spine hitting the railing, eyes wide and filled with horror. I was shaking so bad I couldn’t stand anymore and collapsed. Crisis grabbed me before I fell and gently lowered me to the floor where he held me in his arms.
“No.” I repeated the words over and over in my head like a broken record. My stomach sloshed and careened, and I was unable to hold down the coffee I had and leaned over, vomiting on the rug. “Why?” I felt the wetness of tears on my face. They were real and I couldn’t stop them from falling as the image of what was behind the door hit me over and over again.
“Jesus.” Crisis held my hair away from my face and stroked my back. “Let’s get you out of here.”
My legs were numb and the devastation was so overpowering that I couldn’t move. I wanted to tear into the room and rip him apart. I wanted to yell and scream and fight him with everything I had. But none of that could happen with my nerves reacting and sparking off. I was falling apart. I felt the pieces of myself crumbling to the floor and like dust, disintegrating.
Tears trailed down my cheeks and I sobbed so hard that I was having trouble taking in air. I’d never get the image out of my head. I wouldn’t survive this. I’d given him all of me, every single piece, and I had nothing left.
There was no key. We’d been locked together and now … now I had no way of getting myself back after this.
“Please, Kat. You need to breathe here. Deep breaths okay. I’m sure this is not what it looks like.”
His words caused me to snap. “He was naked in bed with a guy touching his ass and a woman lying next to him. Not what it looks like?” I screamed and couldn’t stop. “How else do you want me to take that, Crisis? Tell me.” I slammed my fists into his chest. “Tell me, goddamn it. I need to know. ’Cause if you don’t tell me, I’m going to drown here.” I started punching and punching until he wrapped me up in his arms and I buckled like a limp doll into his shirt.
“Oh, sweetie, I don’t know. Jesus, I fuckin’ don’t know.”
I had nothing left. Ream had all of me in him and now it was destroyed. “He was my sanctuary. My home. I loved him.” I didn’t even recognize my own voice as the choked words fell from my lips. “He burnt it to the ground.” And all that was left were ashes of me being separated and blown apart in different directions.
Ream undid me.
Crisis picked me up in his arms and carried me out to the car.
The unfamiliar tears became familiar again as they kept spilling down my cheeks like a torrential downpour. I didn’t have the energy to wipe them away any longer as I curled into a ball on my bed in the darkness. The curtains drawn, the door locked, and the insistent knocking of Emily now gone after several hours.