Tough Shit (Rejects Paradise 1)

I’ve never felt such confusion. I need some sort of clarification from him. I need him to tell me what the hell is going on here and why I feel the way I do, but deep down, I know he’s just as confused as I am. He has no fucking clue and is going off instinct, but come tomorrow when the gown is gone, the music stops playing and the party fades away, we’ll be back to square one and that knowledge sits heavy on my chest.

His tongue sweeps into my mouth and I welcome it with a desperation I wasn’t aware I was capable of. My hand slides up his chest and wraps around the back of his neck, holding him tight and silently begging him not to stop.

That delicious scent of his cologne wraps around me and I get lost in time. I don’t know how long we stand here in the middle of the dance floor fused to each other, but my mind slowly begins to come back.

Milo is here somewhere and I remember that I’m supposed to be playing the role of his doting girlfriend but I guess that didn’t last long. My mom is also making her rounds through the party and I cringe at the thought that she’s seen me getting too close to her boss’ son. I can only imagine what she’s thinking right now.

The thought sobers me and I reluctantly pull back from the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. I can’t help but meet his eyes and when I do, I find them filled with lust. So dark and wanting. My hand slips back down to his chest with my fingers splayed across the material of his soft grey suit. “What is this?”

He shakes his head before dropping his forehead softly against mine and finding my hand. His fingers lace through mine just as they were before we reached the dance floor and the butterflies in my stomach go nuts all over again.

“Don’t ruin this by putting labels on it,” he finally says. “All I know is that for some reason, I can’t stay away from you.”

My voice lowers to the softest whisper. “I don’t want you to.”

His intense gaze remains on mine, neither of us knowing where to go from here. I’m in unchartered territory and I’ve never felt so lost. Any move I make could have this all falling apart while at the same time, I’d be smart to stop this now.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” I murmur. “I’m ‘the help.’ I’m trash. Why suddenly change your mind?”

“Look at yourself, Jade,” he says, his voice thick with something I can’t quite put my finger on. “Do you look like trash? You may be the help but you’ve never been trash. You belong here with me.”

I shake my head though I have no way of knowing if it’s out of confusion or because I simply don’t agree. “I … I don’t know.”

His hand tightens on my waist. “What’s the deal with Rinaldi? Are you together?”

“No, we’re just …”

“That’s all I needed to know, Jade.”

This is dangerous for us both. His reputation might not withstand the rumors of getting together with the help, while my heart couldn’t handle the torture of people’s scrutiny. I can just imagine what they would say about me and it sounds a lot like the comments that fly through my mind every time I think of Jacqueline Vanderbilt. Though one thing is for sure, Colton has already publicly flaunted his desire to get something from me, and while one night with the help won’t hurt him, having a relationship with me would.

Disappointment flares through me and I push against his chest, pulling myself out of his arms. “We shouldn’t do this,” I tell him, feeling myself begin to break. “Even if it is just for tonight, it’s not going to end well for either of us.”

He steps into me, trying to capture me once again. “It’ll be fine,” he promises.

“I just … I can’t,” I say, stepping out of his reach. “I’m sorry, I need to think about this.”

I walk away before he has the chance to change my mind and I curse myself for being so stupid. I should be dancing in his arms and living my Cinderella fairy tale. I should be taking a risk, giving it my all and seeing where it gets me, but I can’t because I know how hard it’s going to hurt when he changes his mind.

I wasn’t meant for this world, no matter what he thinks. It’s just a dress and a little makeup, apart from that, I’m still the girl from Breakers Flats, I’m still the girl who grew up surrounded by gang violence and living day to day not knowing if I was going to eat.

This world isn’t me and despite how sparkly and tempting it is, I can’t let it claim me. It will chew me up and spit me out. It’ll destroy me.