Enjoying the Chase (Guarded Hearts 2)

Just as her lips were about to connect with mine, I pulled my head back. My heart was crashing against my ribs, and my blood seemed to run cold as I prayed with every bone in my body that she would see this from my side of things.

“Rosie, don’t,” I whispered. The disappointment was clear across her face. She thought I was rejecting her. “I need to tell you something. Please hear me out, alright? Please let me explain,” I begged.

She looked up at me curiously. “This doesn’t sound like something I’m going to like.”

I shook my head and willed her to understand. “I saw you at the hospital last night with that guy, your ex. I assumed you were together. He was rubbing your back, and I thought you and the little kid were like a proper little family. I thought you were using me. I thought I was just some kind of affair or something,” I said, taking a deep breath before I continued. “You never told me you had a kid, but you did say you had a man. I saw this guy and I thought that he was your man and that you two had a kid together.”

She nodded and frowned, her hand moving out of my hair, resting on my shoulder instead. She was still sitting on my lap, and I had the strong urge to pin her there so she couldn’t escape when I told her the rest.

“I got really angry at you because I thought you were just using me for a bit of fun, just jerking me around, and I was really starting to like you,” I admitted. “I was so angry that I drove straight to the nearest bar and I got drunk, and I… I…” Shit, Nate, just say the damn words!

She closed her eyes. “You slept with someone else,” she guessed, her voice emotionless and casual as if we were discussing the weather.

“Yeah,” I croaked, begging her with my eyes for forgiveness.

She nodded and shrugged. “Okay. I guess I should have seen that coming,” she said, almost to herself.

“Rosie, I was so confused. It hurt me seeing you with that guy, and I jumped to completely the wrong conclusions. I should have stayed and asked you to explain but instead I went to the bar and tried to drink everything away. I’m so sorry, please understand. I was hurting. I thought you were married, I wouldn’t have done it otherwise, I swear,” I whispered.

She sighed and pushed herself up off my lap, looking down at me with a calm, almost serene expression on her face. “I understand, and that’s fine. That’s what I expected of you really. All guys are the same.” Her voice was tight, but other than that, emotionless. “Please leave, Nate.”

What? I’m not leaving without being able to explain! I pushed myself up off the sofa too. “Rosie, please! I thought there was no chance of us being together. I thought you were married with a kid. I thought you were just using me to make your married life a little more adventurous. I was angry and got it wrong. It was a mistake. I’m not like this guy Josh, I swear!”

She shrugged and looked away from me. “It’s fine, honestly. Don’t worry about it. We weren’t exclusive or anything, so you’ve done nothing wrong really. This isn’t going to work out though, so if you could just leave that’d be great.”

I frowned; she didn’t even look angry, just disappointed, and that actually made it even worse. I would rather her shout and scream at me rather than being all calm and collected about it. Clearly she’d been expecting something like this to happen anyway. By the looks of her tough exterior, she was over it already, over me already. But the tiny twitch to her eye told me that this was mostly just an act and that she was hurting inside.

“Rose, please. I know I’ve done wrong, and it doesn’t matter that we weren’t exclusive, I shouldn’t have done it.”

She nodded. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have, but it’s done now. Just leave and we’ll agree to be friends. We never started anything; not really, so we’ll just forget it happened for the sake of our best friends. I don’t want things to be awkward around them, and we’re bound to run into each other now and again.”

“Why can’t we try and talk it through?” I asked. I couldn’t walk out of her place without making this right, I would beg her all night if I had to, but we needed to try and talk it out.

“Because I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to get over it and go back to what it was. I don’t want to get hurt again. I shouldn’t have agreed to go out with you in the first place, you’re a player, and I knew that, so I guess I was kind of waiting for this to happen. I don’t want a man because all guys are useless cheaters that can’t keep their dicks in their pants,” she retorted. Her angry frown showed me the force of her words.

“What did this Josh guy do to you, Rosie?” I asked, looking at her apologetically, as if I could somehow make up for what that jerk had done to her.

“It’s none of your business what he did! Just leave for goodness’ sake, Nate. Please, just go!” she cried, throwing her hands up in exasperation as she glared at me.

“No.” I stood my ground as she shoved on my chest and tried to get me towards the door.

She almost growled in frustration as a tear fell down her face. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and wiping it with my finger. She snorted and slapped my hand away from her face, scowling at me.

“Leave!” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest, obviously deciding that the pushing me wasn’t going to work.

“Not until you tell me what he did that screwed you up so badly.”

She growled in frustration. “He was a cheating, lying scumbag, just like you are! The day I told him I was pregnant he left. Literally left. He packed up his stuff and moved to another county to get away from me! He left me on my own, nineteen and pregnant, and he left me. That’s what he did!” she spat, the look of anger that was on her face turned to hurt for a split second before she rearranged it back to anger again.

I couldn’t help but hate this guy that I’d never met. “Asshole,” I whispered.

She laughed humourlessly. “Yeah, he is. But I’m the bigger asshole, because when he came back after four months of silence, begging me for another chance, telling me he was sorry, I forgave him, just like that. I jumped into his arms, so grateful that I wasn’t on my own that I didn’t even care that he’d left. That was the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life.”

Rosie was nearly shaking, she was so angry.

“I was stupid and scared of being alone, so I took him back, only to have him cheat on me time and time again. From the day he came back he was seeing other girls, and I didn’t even care. I let him walk all over me just so that I wasn’t a single teenage mother. He was a cheating, lying player, just like you are, Nate.”

“You can’t compare me to him! I’d never shirk responsibilities, ever. I’m willing to give it a shot, I don’t care that you have a child, I like you, Rosie… how can I be a player if I want to be exclusive with you?” I asked, stepping closer to her, making her shoulders stiffen defensively.

She rolled her eyes. “You just want to get in my pants, just like every guy I’ve ever met. Just leave. I don’t need a man. I don’t need anyone. I’ve learnt how to take care of myself and my son, I’ve learnt the hard way and I won’t make the same mistakes again, not ever.”

“I’m not a mistake, you can trust me,” I whispered, looking at her pleadingly.

She snorted. “I can’t trust you; I can’t trust any man. All they think about is personal gain, they just want to get what they want and be done with it. They just think about themselves all the time, and I hate that!”

That statement made me a little angry. She wasn’t even trying to look at it from my point of view; she wasn’t even toying with the idea of giving me a shot. Clearly she wanted to be on her own forever, just so she didn’t get burned again.

“If I were just thinking about myself I would have run out of here by now! I would have bolted as soon as I found out about you having a kid, wouldn’t I? Why would I be here asking for a shot, if I were just like him? He ran away, I didn’t!” I said fiercely.

“Yeah, you’re right, you didn’t run away. You just went and slept with some whore instead,” she snapped sarcastically.

“I’m sorry! What do you want me to do? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg? I’ll do it, I swear. I’m so sorry, Rosie, please, please give us a shot. Look at it from my point of view, just for a second. I saw you with a kid that you hadn’t told me about, with a guy stroking your back; you’d told me you had a man already, what was I supposed to think? I jumped to conclusions and I was really hurt. I know I’m stupid, but sex is the only thing I know! Sometimes it’s like a way of taking my mind off something bad. It’s like a habit, like biting your nails or something,” I rushed out, trying to explain that sometimes it was just a kind of release for me, something easy to do just so I didn’t have to think or face the reality of a situation. Bury the pain in pleasure – that was usually how it went for me.

“Yeah, nailing women, biting nails, I can see the similarities!” she hissed sarcastically.

“Please give me a shot; I won’t cheat on you, I promise. You think I just want to get in your pants, but I don’t! I really like you, and I’m happy to go along with your no sex before love thing.” I would do that, she was worth it.

“Of course you’re happy to do that, because you’ll be off getting it from somewhere else!” she cried, frowning at me as if I had said something stupid.

I shook my head and cupped her face in my hands, looking into her big brown eyes as I stepped a little closer to her. “I won’t. Just give me one chance. Give me one shot, that’s all I ask for. If I screw up then what have you lost?”

She sighed and frowned dejectedly. She was wavering a little, and I felt hope bubbling up inside.

“The last of my dignity?” she suggested quietly.

“Please? Just one shot. I’m not messing you around. I won’t cheat.” I stroked her cheeks with my thumbs as I moved my body a little closer to hers.

“I don’t need you. I don’t need any man.” She shrugged, looking away from me.

I pulled her face back to mine. “You might not think you do, but I can tell that’s not true. You need me as much as I need you,” I said quietly.

I felt extremely vulnerable in that moment. I’d never opened myself up this much to anyone, ever. I liked the ‘roll on, roll off’ approach, it was easy, but this, this was hard.

“You’re wrong. I’ve been on my own for a long time now; I don’t need any man to complete me and I won’t be made a fool of again. Josh ripped my heart out with what he did to me, and I refuse to go there again. I understand that you were hurt and confused; I don’t even blame you for sleeping with someone else. Hell, it’s probably even my fault that you did it. But here’s the thing, I don’t ever want to get hurt again. I’m happy on my own now; my life is finally back on track after five years of shit. I don’t need a man to make me happy anymore. I. Don’t. Need. You,” she stated, breaking the last sentence up for emphasis.

I could see she meant it, and I was going to have to work my ass off to change that. Could I get behind the huge defensive wall that she’d obviously built around her heart? Could she make herself vulnerable again? And could I trust myself not to hurt her? For a split second I considered just leaving, like she’d asked, just walking away in case I wasn’t man enough for this task. But I didn’t want to leave. I liked her, probably way too much for my own good. I could easily see myself falling for her, hell, I’d probably fall for her long before she let down her defences for me, and I would be the one with the broken heart in the end.

“You don’t need me, but you want me,” I whispered, inching my face closer to hers, begging her with my eyes to give me a shot.

Her breath seemed to catch in her throat, her face turned to complete panic as she struggled to stay composed.

She didn’t say anything, so I continued. “You want me to fight for you, you want me to stay here and tell you that everything’s going to be okay. You want me to promise that I’ll never hurt you. You want me to keep begging you for a shot.”

I pressed my lips to the corner of her mouth, kissing gently. She whimpered and closed her eyes as her whole body tensed against mine.

“You want me to prove to you that not all guys are lying, cheating scumbags.”

I kissed her nose lightly.

“You want me to restore your faith in men.”

I kissed the other corner of her mouth; I could feel her trembling.

“You want me to need you back…” I whispered, my lips brushing against hers. I wasn’t going to kiss her though; I wanted her to do that. I wanted her to take down the first brick in that wall that she’d built and then I’d work on the rest, she just needed to make the first move and take a chance. “Don’t you?” I whispered, silently praying for a yes.

She didn’t say anything, didn’t open her eyes, but she didn’t pull away from me either which I thought was a good sign.

I swallowed my nerves and continued. “You need me to need you too. Don’t you, Rose?” I whispered again.

She opened her eyes at that. She looked like a deer trapped in the headlights again; I literally terrified her, by the look of it. This Josh guy really had ripped her heart to pieces, and not just once, either.

“Don’t you?” I repeated, looking into her eyes, praying that she would just give me one chance, just one.