Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

“If I promise not to make a move on you, can I sleep with you?” I begged. After two rejections and someone flirting with him, the alcohol was making me insecure. I needed to know that he wasn’t going anywhere; I needed reassurance that he wasn’t going to walk out of my life like everyone else did.

He looked pained, like he wanted to but thought that he shouldn’t. “I don’t think you can keep that promise.”

I scoffed, making my mind up that I was going to prove him wrong. “You’re not that hot, Agent!” I protested.

“You think I am,” he shot back cockily.

I gasped and shook my head. “I’m pretty sure I can resist your hot ass. And I’ll prove it.” I threw off the sheets and swung my legs out of the bed. He grunted when I almost stood on him and then stumbled, falling down at his side and accidentally bumping his head with mine. “Shit. Ouch. Sorry,” I grumbled, sitting up and rubbing at my forehead.

He laughed, rubbing his head too, watching me curiously. “You alright? Where are you going?”

I rolled my eyes and pulled his pillow to the side so that there was some room for me to share it. “I’m proving my point that you’re not, in fact, as irresistible as you think you are.” I settled down on his sheet, and closed my eyes, waiting for him to lie back down too.

“Anna…”

I shook my head and patted the empty side again. “Lie down and shh. My hangover has started to kick in, so shut up and cuddle me,” I instructed, trying not to laugh.

He chuckled, shifting onto his side before settling himself down so he was facing me. I held my breath and prayed that he couldn’t see the effect that he had on my body. His beautiful green eyes were trying to hypnotise me, I could feel them pulling me in. I sighed deeply and scooted closer to him. The smile that graced his lips was beautiful as he shifted and moved one arm to the side, slipping it under my neck before wrapping it around me tightly.

With his beautiful, unique scent filling my lungs and the heat seeping from his skin to mine, my body relaxed for the first time in two days. Ashton just had this strange ability to make me feel whole, like I wasn’t broken anymore, like he was some sort of magical cure that I just couldn’t get enough of. He made all the terrible things seem to fade away, at least for a little while anyway. Setting my head on his chest, I tangled my legs in with his as he kissed the top of my head before turning off the light again.

It was easy to imagine while he was holding me like this that everything was normal, that he was really my boyfriend, that he wasn’t just doing his job, and that I wasn’t some screwed up, dirty piece of trash that would never be loved again.

When his breathing deepened and the soft snores resonated from his chest, I pulled back slightly so I could look at him properly. My heart was hammering in my chest as butterflies seemed to take flight in my stomach as I raked my eyes over his handsome face. I reached out a hand and brushed my finger tip across his cheekbone, tracing along the line of his jaw, smiling at the prickle of his five o’clock shadow. I’d done the same last night; it was like I just needed to touch him to make sure he was real or something.

He truly was handsome. I didn’t think I’d ever seen anyone so perfect, and he was such a lovely guy to go with it. It would have been so much easier if he were a jerk. I really hoped that I could keep this boy out of my heart, otherwise in eight months when he left for the stupid front line or whatever the hell he wanted to do, I was going to have another serious problem.

Chapter Fifteen

As I slowly started to drift into consciousness, the first thing I noticed was that my head was pounding. I groaned and rolled over, pressing my face into the pillow, trying to block out the light. My stinging eyes cracked open and raked around the room. Not recognising anything, I jerked up quickly with a horrible sensation brewing in the pit of my stomach. The last time I woke up not knowing where I was, I’d been with Carter.

I jumped to my feet and pressed myself against the wall as my breathing started to accelerate. The muscles in my body ached, as if I’d slept awkwardly or something. Slowly, it started coming back to me. College, I was at ASU with Ashton, and this was our new apartment. I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed, resting my head back against the wall. My eyes fluttered closed again and I groaned as another wave of pain started in my head. How much did I drink last night? Jeez! I remembered having about four or five doubles, then we met a couple of guys and played pool. What were their names? Tim and someone else, and two girls…

One of the girls was flirting with Ashton, and I got jealous and… oh no, I kissed him! I was all over him and begging him to take me home and… oh God no. I basically begged him for sex when we got back too! My cheeks flamed from the shame of what I’d done last night and how much I’d flirted with him. Thank goodness he’d said no though, not many guys would have turned down a free score, I’d bet. I’d have to thank him today for that because if I’d slept with him again, I was pretty sure I’d be feeling guilty over Jack again afterwards. I covered my face with my hands in disgust. I really had no self-control, and I should have been thinking about Jack last night, not myself.

After a few deep breaths, I decided I should go and see if we were okay this morning after that. Maybe my drunken antics had frightened him away and he’d request that transfer that he was so adamant he wouldn’t be asking for. The smell of coffee and toast drifting from the kitchen made my stomach rumble as I made my way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. As I stepped into the room, I stopped. It wasn’t just Ashton in there, Dean and a guy I vaguely recognised as Peter, the night guard, were there too. They were all standing around the kitchen island, drinking coffee.