Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

Suddenly, he slapped Dean on the shoulder and turned on his heel, running off towards the café again. I gasped and tried to open my door so I could follow him, but Dean pushed me back into the car and locked the door before running around to the driver’s side.

“What’s going on? Where’s he going? Is he okay?” I shouted as he started the car, pulling out without even buckling his seatbelt.

“He’s fine. Someone called the police, he needs to go and handle that. It’s best that you’re not there so he doesn’t have to explain the whole undercover thing,” he explained.

I gasped, looking back over my shoulder, hating that we were driving away and leaving him. “Someone called the police? Well, what happened?” I cried, wiping my face, I didn’t even realise I was crying until I did that.

Dean shrugged. “He took care of it.

Took care of it? What the heck does that mean? There were five guys in there for goodness’ sake! “What? How?”

Dean grinned and shook his head as if I’d said something silly. “Annabelle, he’s an excellent Agent. You shouldn’t worry about him.”

I scowled at him. “I’d worry about you too, you know. I just don’t think you should have left him like that! He wouldn’t do that if that was you. He wouldn’t have left you!” I ranted angrily.

He laughed loudly. “Annabelle, Ashton would kill me himself if it meant he could stop you from getting hurt. I have no doubt in my mind about that,” he replied, still laughing.

I sighed angrily and looked out the window, not wanting to talk to him anymore. I hated the thought of Ashton just being left like that on his own. Anything could have happened to him, he could have been seriously hurt and that thought made my whole chest tighten with worry.

When we arrived at our apartment, Dean walked me in, doing a quick survey of the rooms to check they were empty before he left to wait outside the door. I sat down on the sofa and put my head in my hands. The silence was deafening as I sat there watching the clock tick around slowly. My nerves were making me feel sick. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from crying silently as I imagined all of the horrible things that could have happened to Ashton today. I could barely breathe. Unconsciously, my hand went to the inside of my elbow, pinching and picking at the skin there as I tried to regain control of my emotions.

Well over an hour later, the front door opened. I jumped up with my heart crashing in my chest. My trembling legs barely supported me as I rushed around the corner and looked up the hallway. When I saw his black head of hair, I dashed to him, jumping on him. I obviously caught him off guard because he staggered back under my weight and we both crashed into the door with a loud bang. My lips slammed against his as I kissed him fiercely. He seemed shocked but kissed me back after a second or two, wrapping his arms around me as we slumped to the floor in a heap of tangled limbs.

“All I needed to do was get in a fight to have you throw yourself at me like this? I wish I’d known that two months ago,” he joked. My tears were flowing uncontrollably again as I kissed every square inch of his face before burying my face in his neck and sobbing in relief that he was unharmed and safe. Thoughts of losing him, of him leaving me just like Jack did made my heart ache so much that it was almost unbearable. I dug my fingers into his shoulders as I pressed myself to him tightly, completely lost in my overwhelming emotions. “Hey, come on, Baby Girl. Shh, everything’s okay,” he said as he stroked my hair soothingly.

Suddenly anger boiled inside me as I realised that he’d made me feel like this. By not letting me stay and help him, he’d put me through this. It hadn’t needed to be like this, I hadn’t needed to feel this pain again.

I pulled back and smacked his chest as hard as I could which resulted in making my hand sting. “Don’t ever do that to me again!” I shouted angrily. His mouth dropped open in shock as he looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “You stupid damn boy! Don’t you realise how worried I was about you? You couldn’t even wait long enough to tell me you were okay before running off?” I shouted, pushing myself off him as he opened and closed his mouth again, looking a little lost for words.

“Anna, calm down,” he finally said, clambering to his feet. I scowled angrily. I was so mad that I didn’t even want to look at him. I turned and stormed off to the bedroom, but he followed me in there. “That’s my job,” he said sternly.

“That’s your job?” I repeated incredulously. “Your job is to leave me f**king worried sick about you? You couldn’t have stayed there for one minute to show me you were okay? You couldn’t have just left the car door open while you talked to Dean so I could hear what was going on?” I almost screamed. I was so angry that I wanted to smash something.

“Anna, calm down! My job is to get you as far away from trouble as possible,” he countered, reaching for my hand.

I jerked it away from him before he could touch me, glaring at him. “There was no damn trouble! You carried me to the car like a f**king child!” I spat, wiping my traitor tears away angrily.

He threw his hands up in exasperation. “What the hell do you want me to say? Do you want me to apologise for doing my job?” he asked desperately.

I growled in frustration. “Oh, just go away, Ashton! Thank you for doing your job. Thank you for making sure I was safely away from trouble. Thank you for making me worry so damn hard about you that I felt sick. Thank you for thinking so little of me that it didn’t even occur to you that I would be worried about you. Just thank you, Agent Taylor!” I shouted almost hysterically. My breathing was shallow. A full blown panic attack was building up inside me as the feelings of being powerless, abandoned, and helpless resurfaced and started trying to drag me under. My hand flew to my elbow that was already red raw from what I’d inflicted on myself earlier. Using my nails, I pinched the skin there as hard as I could, feeling them cutting into my flesh, but not caring in the slightest.